Come Together Right Now, Over Me
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: When tragedy strikes Degrassi ten years after graduation, can everyone come together, or will it tear them even more apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I know, I am a bad, bad person. I have a bagillion stories to update, and what am I doing? Writing another one. But this one came to me last night at like 4 in the freakin' morning, and it wouldn't get out of my head, so I guess I should write it down. I will see how the reception for this story is, and after I update some of my other stories, then I'll update this one. I do not own Degrassi. Enjoy!**

**Come Together Right Now, Over Me**

Chapter One

Clare Edwards was sitting on the couch reading The Complete Annotated Works of Charlotte Bronte as her husband watched the evening news. The news always bored Clare, and she enjoyed losing herself amongst the pages of her book, (which her husband loved to refer to as, "The Brick"). The evening progressed the same as always. The news would finish up in fifteen minutes, and then the spouses would retire to the bedroom, and go to bed. One thing was different about this night, however. Just a few minutes before the news' final story, the phone rang.

Clare looked up from her book, and turned to her husband as if to say, _I'm reading. All you're doing is watching TV. You get up and go answer it._ Brian stood up from his recliner, yawned, stretched, then went to grab the phone. Clare slid her finger in between the pages of her book, and stretched her ears to listen in on the conversation.

"Um…alright. Yeah…she's just reading. Uh…here she is."

Her husband returned from the kitchen, the phone in tow. Clare dog-eared her page, set the book on the table, and took the phone from him, "Hello, this is Clare."

"Clare," the voice on the other end sounded like a cocktail of distress and exhaustion, "Oh thank _goodness_! How soon can you get on a plane?"

"Ali? What…why?"

"Something's happened. I just got the call from Eli…"

"Eli?" Clare parroted the name that been a source of pain and pleasure and frustration and infatuation all throughout her high school days.

"Yeah…he just called to let me know that something's happened to Adam. Clare…there's been some sort of accident. Adam is in the hospital. I don't know all the details, but Eli is there with Audra and Drew…he already spoke to Fiona and she's on her way too."

Clare's head was spinning. If so many of their high school class was returning…the accident must have been something serious. She tried to make her brain function just enough for form sentences, "Ali…what kind of accident?"

"Some sort of attack," Ali's voice was rushed, "Please Clare, _please_ come back. Fiona is coming in tonight, and Bianca will be in in the morning."

"Ali…I don't understand…"

_"Come home_," Ali begged, "Come home and come to Saint Sebastian's. Please."

"I can try and get the next flight," Clare rested her forehead against the cradle between her thumb and index finger, "And you don't have _any_ other details?"

"All I know is everyone is coming either tonight or tomorrow, and that Adam is prepping for surgery. I am driving in tomorrow morning. Eli didn't sound good, Clare. I don't know what's going to happen, but I know we need to be there. Get that flight. I'll see you tomorrow."

Clare said a confused goodbye, and Clare sat the phone back down on the coffee table. She turned to her husband, tears glazing her eyes, "I-I have to go."

"Go where?" Brian asked, "The only place we're going is to bed. I'm exhausted."

"That was Ali," Clare tried to explain something she didn't even understand herself, "Adam, you remember Adam from the wedding, there's been some sort of attack or accident. I don't really have all the details, but everyone is coming to the hospital tonight or tomorrow."

"Who's _everyone_?"

"All of us," Clare tried to explain, "I need to get a flight. I need to be one the next flight."

"Clare, don't be ridiculous," Brain propped his feet back up in his recliner, "I am sure everything is just fine. Besides, we are leaving on our trip next week to California."

"Brian, I have to go," Clare was growing frustrated, "I _need_ to be there. This…this is serious. I have to be there. I'm their friend."

"And you're my _wife_. We have had this trip planned for months, Clare. You can't just back out of it because of some little reunion."

"It's not just _some little reunion_," Clare could feel the anger ignite in the flush of her face, "Adam is hurt. Something is _wrong_. I _need_ to be there. What part of that don't you understand?"

Clare shoved herself up off the couch and headed to the computer, "I am going to get on the next flight out of here. I need to be there, Brian. This is Adam."

"Fine," Brian turned the TV volume back up, "Do whatever it is you feel you have to do. This isn't high school, Clare. Those days are in the past. It's time to keep those days in the past."

"Adam was at our wedding," Clare reminded him, "Adam has always been there for me. _Always_. I have to be there for him now, Brian. Please understand that."

Brian didn't say anything to that. instead, he just focused in on the story playing out on the TV. Some woman saved a cat from a burning apartment building. Wonderful. Clare pulled up the airline's website, and scrolled through to find the most recent flight from New York City to Canada. Sure enough, there was a flight at midnight. Clare glanced at the clock at the bottom right hand corner of the computer screen. 10:45 PM. Clare didn't even glance at the price. She purchased one ticket for the midnight flight, and hurriedly ran to the bedroom to pack some clothes.

She had no idea how long she would be home for. She had no idea how much to pack or what to pack. She was in too much of a hurry to really think on it, so instead, Clare just tossed a pair of jeans, four t-shirts, and a handful of underwear and socks. She quickly pulled on another pair of jeans, t-shirt, sweatshirt, and tennis. It amazed Clare how fast she could get ready.

She tossed a toothbrush, a hair brush, and some makeup into her toiletry bag before tossing the bag into her suitcase. In less than ten minutes, she was headed out the door.

"I'll call you when I get there," Clare said, grabbing her purse and her car keys from the hook by the front door.

"You're leaving _now_?"

"I told you I was getting the next flight. Brian, I have to go so I don't miss it…"

"I still don't understand why you are going. People get sick. They get hurt. That doesn't mean you have to fly back as if nothing else matters in your life. Just tell me one thing…will _he_ be there?"

"Yes, you know that," Clare folded her arms over her chest and tried not to yell, "He's Adam's best friend, Brian. Now please, can I go?"

"Fine," Brian turned back around and faced the TV. He turned up the volume, and didn't even say goodbye.

As soon as her plane landed, Clare called for a taxi to come and take her to the hospital. She was exhausted from her flight, and knew she must look like utter crap, but nothing else seemed to matter. The only thing she was concerned about was getting to the hospital, seeing Adam, and getting some more information.

"Where to ma'am?" The taxi driver asked as he helped her load her bags into the trunk of the taxi.

"Saint Sebastian's Hospital," Clare directed, "And please, hurry."

As the taxi sped down the highway, Clare realized she didn't know where Adam was located in the hospital. Ali was probably on the road now, and Clare knew she didn't use her cellphone while driving. She dug in her purse, withdrew her phone, and scrolled through her contacts list. The only person who would be able to tell her where to go, was the one person Clare hadn't spoken to in years. But Adam was all that mattered now. Clare swallowed her nerves, and tapped the contact.

On the fourth ring, someone picked up, "Hey?" The voice sounded exhausted, and nothing like the voice Clare had remembered from years earlier.

"Hi, it's Clare. Ali called and told me to get to the hospital as soon as possible. My plane just landed and I am headed to Saint Sebastian's, but I have no idea where to go."

"Clare…" the voice tasted the name, "Um…come to the surgery unit. It's on the…uh…third floor? Yeah…we're on the third floor."

"Okay, I'll see you soon. Oh, who all is there?"

"Me, Drew, Audra, and Fiona. Bianca and Ali should be here in a few hours."

"Alright. Eli…Ali didn't give me many details…"

There was a sharp intake of breath, then, "It's bad, Clare. It's _really_ bad. Adam…there was an attack when he was headed home to a party. There's cops all over this fucking hospital, but they don't seem to be doing anything."

"Oh God," Clare's voice rode on a whispered breath, "Eli…"

"Just _get_ here, alright. Just get here, and get here safely."

Clare opened her mouth to say something, but the only sound that came was the click indicating an ended phone call. She tossed her phone back inside her purse, and watched the sun rise as the redbrick hospital came into view.

"Do you need help with your bags, ma'am?" The driver asked as he pulled under the canopy.

"I'm fine," Clare told him, "Really. It's just one bag and my purse."

Clare pulled some cash from her wallet, paid the driver, grabbed her suitcase, and headed inside the doors of the hospital's entrance. Third floor, that's what he had said, right? Clare trekked around, trying to find the elevators. Her head was spinning, and by the time she found them, a sudden sense of exhaustion overcame her. This was just the beginning. The day was just starting. There was no time for exhaustion.

Clare pressed the button for the third floor, and as the elevator jolted awake, her stomach jolted to the pit of her abdomen. She wanted answers. She needed answers. The elevator doors swung open, and Clare found two metal doors with the words SURGICAL WARD painted in red. She shoved the doors open and was greeted by a waiting room.

Drew, Eli, Audra, and Fiona were the only ones in the waiting room, and Eli – who had been previously sitting in a chair by the window with his head in his hands – jumped up to greet her.

"Clare!" The rest of the waiting room glanced up. Clare noticed everyone had the same exhausted, red-rimmed eyes and vacant expressions.

"Hi," she sat her bag down on the linoleum floor.

"The cafeteria is opening soon," Eli shoved his hands into his pockets, and to Clare, he looked seventeen again, "I'll buy you a cup of coffee?"

"Coffee would be nice," Clare brushed a curl behind her ear, "Eli…"

"I'll tell you what we know over coffee," he held the doors open for her, "It's not much…and the police aren't saying much…but it's not looking good, Clare."

The two headed to the hospital cafeteria in silence. Clare noticed that several police officers were scattered throughout the hospital. She was desperate to know what was going on, but knew she probably shouldn't push Eli. He would tell her over coffee, like he had said.

After purchasing two coffees, Eli led Clare to a table in the back of the cafeteria, "I got the call from Drew last night," Eli took the lid off his coffee to let it cool, and Clare could tell it pained him to have to repeat the story, "Details have been fuzzy, but we think Adam was headed to a party last night. When he was walking down the street…he was grabbed and dragged into the alley."

He paused and wiped his brow with the back of his hand, "Someone saw part of the attack take place. They ran down the street and called the cops. By the time the cops had gotten there…the attack had already taken place. The witness – she's at the police station now – said there were about five guys who had grabbed Adam. He didn't really stand much of a chance," Eli's voice cracked.

Had it been any other circumstance, Clare would have slapped herself for doing what she did. Had it been any other circumstance, Eli would have pulled away. However, her hand folded over his without even so much of a flinch from either one. Instead, he met her eyes, and continued, "The girl who called told the police that they would need to call an ambulance. The ambulance brought Adam here. He had lost consciousness, and had been beaten so badly…"

Eli closed his eyes and sighed, trying to gather up the strength to finish telling Clare the rest of the story, "Adam is in surgery now because a blood vessel burst in his head. He has approximately thirty broken bones. His jaw has been shattered and his ribs...his ribs have been crushed."

Eli sucked in another deep breath, "Clare…they didn't just beat him…"

"_No_," Clare's voice was a shadow of a whisper.

"They…they raped him. They raped him with a pipe."

"God," Clare turned away, and felt the tears river down her cheeks, "Eli…"

"They…they tore him apart, Clare. The doctors said they have never seen such a blatant act of hatred or cruelty. They said his injuries are the most intense of any human attack they have ever seen. The police…I am sure they are doing what they're supposed to…but it just feels like they're just fucking standing around. Adam…Adam could die, Clare. The doctors have no idea if he will make it or not."

"Eli," Clare abandoned his hand to wipe the tears from her face.

"I know," he wiped at his eyes, trying to force the tears that were brimming from falling, "They are going to clamp the aneurysm in his brain first," he explained, "Then once they get that taken care of, they will work on the broken bones. Other doctors are stitching him back together while the neurosurgeon does his thing. He's on breathing machines, Clare."

Clare didn't know what to say. She always hated the tears that were silent. She didn't mind sobbing when she was angry or sad. But those silent tears that spilled forth from her eyes like a faucet were the absolute worst. They only existed when Clare felt utter distress. She could wipe them away all she wanted to, but they wouldn't stop spilling. They splashed against her cheeks and her hands. Eli wanted to go over to her and place a hand on her shoulder, but that would be too much. She had already pushed the envelope by putting her hand on his.

"I'm glad you're here," he said, looking down at the crumby linoleum tile of the cafeteria floor, "Really, Clare. I'm glad we can all be here."

**Author's Note: Should I continue it? Should I nix it? What are your thoughts? Like I said, it just came randomly to me last night and I felt like I had to write it. I'll update my other stories today, but I just had to put this to paper, so to speak. Reviews are the sunshine to my wildflowers! **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"Ali just called," Fiona said when Eli and Clare walked back into the waiting room, "She's about an hour away. Bianca should be here soon. We still haven't heard anything."

"When will we get some fucking answers around here!" Eli turned and slammed his fist into the wall of the waiting room, "I am sick of just waiting around!"

"Eli," Audra stood from the gaudy, plaid chair, "We are all frustrated, alright? My…baby could _die_ today. My baby is in pain. My baby was tortured, beaten, raped, and mutilated. My _baby_! The doctors know what they are doing. They are doing all the can."

"Why don't you come sit down," Fiona patted the empty seat next to her, "Please, Eli."

He looked towards Clare, and didn't really know why. After she nodded, then he went over to Fiona and slumped down into the empty chair. He ran his hands through his long brown hair, which Clare noticed had grown out quite a bit. It almost looked as it had when they had first met. She tried not to think about that, though. Right now, she needed to focus on Adam. She wouldn't let her past with Eli take away from where they were.

Fiona placed a gentle hand on Eli's back, and began to rub. Clare picked up her suitcase from the floor, and went to sit next to Drew. He had his head in his hands, and was slumped over, practically falling to the floor from his chair.

Clare felt a little lost. She longed to have Ali there with her. Ali was her biggest support, her shoulder to cry on. She needed her now more than ever. Clare picked at the polish on her fingernails – a habit whenever she was upset or nervous about something. She couldn't believe that this was happening. Everything felt like a horrible nightmare, and she longed to wake up. She begged to wake up. _Please, God – wake me up. Make this end. _

Fiona's touch was comforting, and Eli couldn't help but relax under her hand. She always knew just how to soothe him – rather it was with a back rub, the best liquor money could buy, a campy horror movie marathon…she always could cheer him up. But this was different. This wasn't like his typical problems – his play being poorly reviewed in the paper, a flat tire – this was serious. This was Adam.

Eli winced at the very thought of what Adam had endured, and was enduring. The nightmare he must have experienced…Eli wanted to throw up. Ever since he had met Adam – all those years ago – he felt as though they had a connection. Adam was his rock. His voice of reason when he went manic. His cheerful smile when he was depressive. Adam made Eli feel as if the world still had some good in it. Now…he just didn't know.

The doors swung open, and a woman in a pair of nice paints and button down blouse walked in. She ran a hand through her curly black hair with red highlights, and scanned the waiting room. All this seemed to be a figment of her imagination, until she walked into the waiting room. Then it became reality.

"Bianca," Audra stood from her seat.

"Hello, Audra," Bianca hugged the woman she had come to love as her own mother, "I am so sorry I couldn't make it sooner. I caught the first flight from L.A last night. Do we know anything yet?"

Drew sat up and Clare saw his eyes for the first time since she had arrived. They were red, and he had stains from his tears streaking his cheeks. Adam was his brother. All throughout high school, he was supposed to look out for, and protect Adam. He had gotten annoyed with it sometimes, and now he felt guilt and regret. He should have looked out for him better. He should have been a better brother.

"Hi, Drew," Bianca blushed. He didn't say anything, but nodded to her. They hadn't spoken since the divorce, and it was clear that her presence there affected him.

Audra noticed the tension, and pulled Bianca under her arm, "Come sit with me, baby. The doctors haven't really told us much. Adam was beaten so badly that he's in surgery now. They kicked him in the head and caused…they caused a blood vessel to burst in his brain. The neurosurgeon is clamping it now…but there's still so much damage. So many….so many broken bones," Audra shivered at the thought, "And…they mutilated him, Bianca. They…_raped_ my _baby_."

"_No_," Bianca's voice rose an octave, "No…Audra…_no_!"

"The police are working on it now," Drew spoke up for the first time, "There was an eyewitness who called the cops. They are speaking with her now."

"I guess that's good...that someone was there to see...to identify these...these _monsters_," Bianca looked around the room, "The gang is all here, huh?"

"Ali is on her way," Clare spoke up, "But she'll be here soon."

Bianca nodded, "Adam would like this," she said, "All of us being here. He'd like it a lot."

"He'd be glad that we all aren't trying to kill each other," Fiona smiled a sly smile, and Clare could see despite the smile, that there were still tears in her eyes.

"Adam is more important than the drama," Eli chewed at the bottom of his lip. It was a bad habit of his, and Clare knew that on occasion, he could make himself bleed, "I am just glad we are all here. Bianca is right. Adam would like this."

The door swung open again, and a doctor in green scrubs appeared. Everyone noticed the blood on his shirt, but no one said anything. Audra stood from her seat and made her way, as if in a trance, to the doctor. Drew stood up too, but seemed to be glued in place. Eli raised an eyebrow at the doctor, and Clare couldn't help but noticed how it seemed he was almost daring the doctor to bring them bad news.

Eli ran a hand through his hair, and raised his eyebrow, _tell me anything I don't want to hear, I dare you. Tell me he's gone, and I will murder you._

"Adam Torres' family?" The doctor addressed the waiting room; everyone nodded, "The clamp is on. We got to the aneurysm just in time. Some of the ER doctors have been busy stitching up the wounds and we have a proctologist on his way. Though the surgery was a success, the other medical problems are still quite prevalent. Adam is still on a breathing machine. His lungs have been severely damaged due to the crushing of his ribs. His jaw is completely shattered. He is still in a coma…but my team and I…we are doing all we can."

"It's not enough," Eli grumbled.

Fiona placed a hand on his knee, and he seemed to gain a better control on his anger. He clamped his mouth shut, locking up the words he so desperately wanted to say.

"A coma?" Drew asked, "How…how long will that last?"

"Sometimes comas can last a few days, weeks, months, or years," the doctor said, honestly, "There's just no way to tell right now. Maybe he will be stable enough to remove the breathing tube, maybe not. It's way too early to tell. If you need anything, just ask for Doctor Abrahams."

"Thank you, Doctor," Audra shook his hand before he headed back out.

Eli had tried to keep his mouth shut, he really did. He wanted to keep his emotions at bay, but this was just too much. Why couldn't the doctors just give a straight answer? Would Adam die, or wouldn't he? Eli couldn't stand the waiting. He couldn't stand the uncertainty. He couldn't stand how all of this was happening. He jumped up from his seat and began to pace around the room.

"No," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "_No_! He doesn't get to do this again. He doesn't get to take someone else from me. If he does, he can get off his fucking ivory throne and go to _hell_."

"Eli!" Fiona gasped, and Clare felt as though someone had just shoved a blade into her heart. It hurt her so much to see him this way – to see him so angry and filled with such hatred. But what could she do? She had no right to go and comfort him. She had no right to try and console him. It wasn't her place anymore.

"If he wants someone so badly," Eli continued, "He can have me. If he wants to take more people away, he can fucking take _me_. Not Adam. Anyone but Adam!"


	3. Chapter 3 even though it says Chapter Fo

Chapter Four

Ali Bendhari slammed the door of her Mercedes closed, threw her Coach bag over her shoulder, and – despite her Jimmy Choo heels – marched through the front doors of Saint Sebastian's. Eli had said that they would be on the third floor – the surgical unit. He hadn't shared all the details with her, but Ali knew that whatever had happened, was bad.

As she got on the elevator, Ali couldn't help but think back on the times they shared in high school. There had been so much drama, so much anger. Now, it seemed as if none of that mattered. The only thing that mattered was Adam. Ali regretted not getting know Adam better, and promised herself that once he recovered and pulled through, she was going to make an effort to truly get to know him more.

She pushed through the doors of the waiting room, and instantly felt the change of atmosphere. Everyone was quiet. No one said anything to one another, and everybody seemed to be spaced out. They were all lost in their own thoughts. Ali noticed Eli was sitting on the floor in the corner, Fiona was sitting next to Bianca who was sitting next to Audra who was sitting next to Drew who was sitting next to Clare. These people had been there throughout the good times and the bad. They had seen each other at their worst. Yet, nothing could compare them for this.

"Ali," Clare popped up and hurried over to hug her best friend, "I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too," Ali returned the hug, "Now that you're living in the City, I guess you don't have time for little ol' me."

"Don't be ridiculous," Clare shook her head, "I really have wanted to come and visit."

"I'm sorry the circumstances couldn't be better," Ali's eyes swept the room, "What do we know so far?"

Fiona was the one to relay the story of the attack and the injuries. Ali, like the rest of them, wiped the tears from her cheeks as Fiona went into detail of the injuries. She couldn't believe that someone could do this to Adam. Her memories of Adam were of a sweet kid with a smile and baseball cap. A kid who would be anyone's friend if they'd want him to be.

"Audra," Ali shook her head, "I am so sorry."

Audra nodded, "I just hope we'll hear more soon."

Clare moved over to sit next to Ali, who asked, "Where is Brian?"

Clare winced at the question, and she thought she noticed Eli's head lift up from the corner of eye, "He…he didn't really understand the severity of the situation."

"What the _hell_? How does one _not_ understand that his wife's friend has been brutally attacked?"

"I don't know," Clare twisted a cinnamon curl around her finger, "I tried to talk to him. He didn't even want me to come, but I just bought my ticket myself and left. He…he told me that I should leave high school in the past. I don't know what he means by that."

"Tell me," Ali lowered her voice, "Is Brian the reason you don't visit?"

Clare blushed a telltale shade of crimson, "He just…he doesn't like vacations unless they're vacations _he_ has planned himself."

Ali rolled her eyes, "Remind me again what you saw in him?"

"He's a good guy," Clare halfheartedly defended, "He likes poetry and plays and we go to the theater a lot. He also really is a fan of British Literature…"

Ali stifled a yawn, "_Seriously_?"

Clare sighed; she knew Ali was right. There wasn't a whole lot she saw in Brian. He had been nice to her in college when everything else seemed to fall apart. He had been there for her during study sessions and class group work. He had been smart and intelligent and…vanilla ice cream.

Clare had always promised herself that she wouldn't date anyone that was like vanilla ice cream – comfortable and bland. She wanted the excitement she had in her life before Brian…like when she dated Eli. Clare tried to shake the thought from her head. This time was about Adam, _not_ her relationship – or lack thereof – with Eli.

Fiona couldn't take it anymore. After his little outburst, Eli had retreated as far away from the rest of the group as possible. She decided someone needed to go over and talk to him. The someone that needed to wouldn't, so it was up to her. Fiona sighed, and glanced over at Clare who was busy talking to Ali. Fiona knelt down on the linoleum next to Eli.

"Hey, you."

"Hey, Fi."

"Talk to me, Eli," Fiona tried to encourage him, "_Please_."

"Sorry, Fi, but I am not much in the mood for talking," Eli sighed and turned away from her. He really wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, even though he – and everyone else in the room – knew how dangerous that was. Eli's thoughts were lethal weapons, and Fiona wasn't about to let him sit there and stew.

"Have you had anything to eat?" She prompted.

"No, but I don't really want to…"

"You _need_ to eat, Eli. You need to be strong…for Adam. How can you be strong if you aren't eating? Come on. I'll buy you some breakfast from the cafeteria."

Eli wanted to object, but he knew arguing with Fiona Coyne was about as useless as arguing with a brick wall. There would be no point in trying. Eli sighed, giving in, and stood up from the floor.

"Well…" he let a small smirk play on his lips, "…only if you're buying."

Bianca couldn't take sitting there much longer. She needed to be up, moving around, and getting her circulation going. Just sitting there was miserable. She went over to the window and looked out at the roof of the parking garage, speckled with bird feces. Everything still felt like a horrible dream, and she couldn't wait to wake up from it all and be back in Los Angeles.

Being back in Canada was just too weird for her. After her rather nasty divorce, she had packed up her car, and drove to Los Angeles. There, she got a job as a guidance counselor at one of the inner city schools. She loved her job. Each kid that came into her office was her, and she was adamant about helping each and every one of them.

Drew shoved himself up from his chair, and headed towards the window. He hadn't spoken to his ex-wife in months. Now, he felt like he needed to put the past behind him – for Adam's sake – and at least be there for her. He wasn't the only one in pain. They all were.

"Hey," he glanced out the window, "Not much of a view, huh?"

"I just couldn't sit in that chair much longer," Bianca explained, "I already feel like animal locked in a cage in this waiting room. I wish the doctors would come in and tell us more."

"I know," Drew folded his arms over his chest, "Bianca…can I ask kind of a strange question?"

"Um…sure?" She was apprehensive. She didn't want to face any of the demons of their failed marriage at the moment, and dreaded the subject being brought up.

"Was I a good brother?"

Bianca tried not to let her relief show, "Of course you were, Drew. Everyone knows that."

"But…I just feel like I should have _done more_. I used to get so frustrated in high school when Mom would pull me aside and tell me to look out for Adam and make sure Adam was okay. I…I _hated_ the fact that I couldn't just have a normal time in high school without always having to worry about Adam. I…I love him so much, Bi…but I just don't think he knew that."

"Of course he did," Bianca placed a hand on his forearm, and was surprised when he didn't jerk away, "He adored you, Drew. The two of you were two peas in a pod. Your mom was always getting so mad at you two for causing trouble. Remember the food fight you all had that Thanksgiving?"

"She was pissed," Drew let a small smile escape his lips, "I thought she was going to murder us both, but then Adam flashed her that smile of his and made some witty comment, and all was forgiven."

"No one could stay mad at him for long," Bianca smiled at the memories, "But hey – why are we talking like that's all in the past, huh? Once he recovers from this, there will be lots of other good times to be had, and memories to be made."

"I hope you're right," Drew sighed, and gave Bianca a small, sad smile before returning to his seat.

"I should call Brian…"

"_No_!" Ali made a face, and snatched the phone from Clare's hands, "You do not have to call him. He didn't understand why you came, so why keep trying to explain it to him, huh? Just…use this time away from him to focus on other things," Ali suggested, "Focus on Adam and focus on all of us being here together again. Don't worry with Brian right now."

"But he's my husband."

"And he's not here," Ali reminded her.

"Can I tell you something?" Clare asked, picking at the nail polish again.

"Girl, I am so glad I'm not the one payin' for your manicures," Ali smacked Clare's hands, "Alright, shoot. What do you want to tell me?"

Clare sucked in a deep breath and tried to get her brain to grasp the concept of forming sentences. She hadn't told anyone this. Telling someone would make it real, and mean that her feelings were real. Her doubts were real. Clare had just done it one day, and hoped if she didn't speak of it, it'd be almost as if nothing had ever happened. But this was Ali, and she needed to tell Ali.

"I spoke with a lawyer last month."

"_What_?" Ali's mascara-caked eyes grew wide, "Clare, are you serious?"

"Yes," Clare's cheeks flushed, "I just don't feel like he's right for me. I think maybe one day I used to love him – and maybe he used to love me – but now, now it feels like everything has changed. Ali, I feel so alone in our marriage. It's like he doesn't even care what I'm doing until it affects what he wants to be doing. I just feel like…maybe I just married him because I wanted to forget…"

"Eli," Ali finished for her.

Clare winced, "Yeah. I think the only reason I was so infatuated with Brian was because he was less…exciting. Eli exhausted me, Ali. When Brian came along, he was the least exhausting guy in the whole world. Now, I realize that he's just boring. He doesn't want to have any fun, and I feel like I've made a horrible mistake in marrying him."

Ali nodded, "When we were young, I thought you would for sure marry some stockbroker kind of guy. Maybe some guy who worked at a museum and smelled of mothballs…"

"Hey!"

"But then you dated Eli until graduation…and when you were with him…you were happy. You were so different. You started doing your makeup and you started being more outgoing. You just seemed to come out of your shell. Then after you broke up with Eli…you went back into your shell."

Clare winced at the reality of Ali's words, "Maybe I need a guy more like Eli."

"Maybe you need _Eli_," Ali suggested.

Clare shot her a death-glare, "No. I am not going to discuss my relationship with Eli when Adam could be…"

"I know," Ali brushed a strand of Clare's hair from her eyes, "I'm sorry for saying that – it wasn't appropriate. I just…I want you to be happy again Clare."

"And I want to be happy again too," Clare sighed and started picking at the polish yet again, "But right now, all I want is for Adam to be okay. I want him to wake up from his coma and I want all these surgeries to work out well, and I want him to wake up with a huge smile on his face and ask everyone what the big deal is."

Ali smiled a sad smile, "I know. I really wish I had gotten to know him better. He seems like he was – _is_ – a really great guy."

"He is," Clare nodded, "When you and I stopped talking for that time in high school, Adam was there for me always. Even though Eli and I had broken up, he still made an effort to alternate eating lunch with Eli and me. He would come over and watch movies, or we'd go grab coffee together. To Adam, drama was stupid and a waste of time. He wanted to be friends with everyone."

"Just not everyone wanted to be friends with him," Ali sighed.

"It was tough," Clare nodded, "But I think high school went a lot better for him than a lot of other people going through what he was. He had this…confidence about him. No one wanted to make fun of him or comment about his gender. He was just Adam, and that was the end of all discussion on the matter."

"Do you think that's why he was attacked?" Ali asked.

Clare didn't want to say so out loud, but she nodded, "Why are people so heartless? Adam is one of the kindest people in the whole world. Who could do something like this to him?"

"I'm glad there was a witness," Ali said, "That makes it easier for the police to identify and catch the animals that did this."

"I hope so," Clare sighed and glance down at the floor, "Ali, if we lose him…"

"Shh…" Ali played with the ends of Clare's curls, "Don't think that. Don't even think that. What would Adam say if he heard you thinking that, huh?"

"He'd tell me to shut up or he'd smack me; he'd tell me that he's just fine; he'd tell me not to worry or stress…"

"Then listen to him," Ali pulled her friend into a hug.

"You're right," Clare leaned her head on Ali's shoulder, "I've missed you so much, Ali."

"I think you should go through with the divorce."

"Why is that?" Clare asked, puzzled.

"Because," Ali smiled, "Any guy who doesn't let you come visit someone as awesome as me, needs to be kicked to the curb."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for your kind reviews! I am in love with this story! Some of you mentioned that this story needs more reviews. Although it doesn't have as many as my other stories, the reviews I do have are so special to me. I am just thankful someone, even if it's just one person, reads what I write. Thank you, all of you, for your support of this story. Enjoy! **

_This _is Chapter Four

"How do you do it?" Eli asked Fiona as the two scooped some salad from the salad bar onto their plates, "You seem so…in control. How are you not freaking out right now?"

Fiona added some walnuts to her salad and said, "Eli, it's not easy at all for me. When you called to tell me what had happened…I felt like I was drowning. That's the only way I could describe it. Utter…helplessness. Utter…despair. I just have faith that the doctors will do whatever they can."

"But what if that's not enough," Eli asked, "What if the doctors can't save him…"

They headed to the register, and Fiona paid for the two salads and two iced teas, "You and Adam were always so close…and still are. The two of you are like brothers. I can't imagine how hard tis is on you right now…"

"No, you can't," Eli winced, "Wow. Sorry."

"It's okay," Fiona understood that what Eli was feeling was way too strong for him handle. He had been doing so well with his Bipolar and his depression, but with this…Fiona was scared for him, "Let's eat up and get back in case the doctor has more news."

Eli nodded and followed Fiona over to a reclusive table, "I just…I don't know what I am going to do if I lose him," Eli admitted.

After eating, they returned to the waiting room. There was another family there. Eli wondered what news they were waiting for, and if their loved one was in as bad of shape as Adam. Eli and Fiona took their seats just as the doctor entered.

"Adam Torres' family?" He addressed the group, "Adam is being taken to his room in ICU. Our ICU is located on the fourth floor. There is a waiting area right past the doors. You are welcome to wait there. Also, you may now take turns seeing him. I am sorry, but there can only be one person allowed at a time in his room. Each visit can only be about five minutes. He is located in room 413."

"Thank you," Audra addressed the doctor, "I guess we're going to fourth floor then."

Clare gathered her bags and followed the rest of the group to the elevators. She couldn't get what Ali had said out of her head. Maybe she should just divorce Brian. After all, their marriage didn't even feel much like a marriage. Everything was so dull, and he was so controlling. Clare felt like a fifties housewife instead of a newlywed. She shook the thought from her head. Right now, she needed to focus on Adam. Adam was the top priority.

Everyone crammed into the small elevator, and rode to the fourth floor. Audra's hands were shaking as she adjusted her purse onto her shoulder. She would be seeing Adam first. She was his mother after all. There was a part of her that was absolutely terrified to see him though. She remembered her baby with a bow in her hair, then with a baseball cap on his head; Adam always had that same smile though. That smile that made everything okay. Audra had no idea what to expect going into Adam's room. What would he look like? Would the sight of her son in such a condition be too much for her?

The group settled into the new waiting room. This one was a bit more crowded, and they all had to sit together. Eli couldn't slither off to the corner on the floor this time. He sat, again, next to Fiona. She put her arm around him, and let him rest his head on her shoulder. Clare turned away, trying to stop her stomach from flipping. Why did she want to be the one consoling Eli? It wasn't her place anymore. It wouldn't be appropriate.

"You first, Mom," Drew turned to Audra.

"Is…is it wrong of me to be scared to see my own baby?" Audra's voice broke. Drew captured her into a hug, and held her to him.

"No, Mom. I'm scared too."

Once she had regained her composure, Audra adjusted her hair and fixed her blouse, and headed to Adam's room. She tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach. She tried not to be nervous. This was Adam. This was her baby. He needed her. As scared as she was, Audra realized her fear was nothing in comparison to the fear Adam had experienced last night.

As she passed the nurses' station, a nurse in Scooby-Doo scrubs stopped her and instructed her to wash her hands for at least thirty seconds with soap, then dry, then use hand sanitizer. Audra did as she was instructed, and the nurse led her to Room 413. Audra paused outside of the door, and turned to the nurse.

"Have you seen him?" She asked.

The nurse nodded, "He's bandaged up quite a bit, ma'am. There's a bandage wrapping around his head from the surgery. He is on a breathing tube, and another tube pumping the fluid from his lungs. The breathing tube can be a bit…intimidating when you first see it. His face…his face is extremely swollen and bandaged. He is scheduled for more surgeries at one in order to set some of the broken bones. You and your family are welcome to just stay in the ICU waiting area for those surgeries."

Audra nodded and lifted her hand to the doorknob, "He's my baby," she said to the nurse.

"Would you like me to come in with you?" She suggested, "Just for the first minute or so."

"Yes…that would be…that would nice of you."

The nurse opened the door and allowed Audra to go inside first. She gasped at what she saw. Her baby was lying in the hospital bed. There were blue tubes coming from his chest and throat. His face – what was showing – was swollen and bruised blackened-crimson. There were bandages everywhere, and each time his chest lifted for a breath, a ghastly wheezing sound escaped from the tubes.

"Adam," Audra went to the bed and lifted her hand to touch him, but was scared she would break him even more, "Baby…"

"I will leave you with him for the five minutes," the nurse explained, "And I'll come in and get you when it's time for you to leave. I am sorry about the short timeframe."

"I understand," Audra said, not even turning around as the nurse exited, "My baby," she so desperately wanted to touch him, kiss him – but she was so frightened to, "Adam, sweetheart, your friends are all here. They all came to visit you, sweetie. Everyone. They'll be in in a bit to see you. The doctors are…they're working to get you…all fixed up, sweetheart. You'll be…as good as new," Audra's voice broke, "Baby…the police are going to get whoever did this to you. They're working…they're working very hard."

She pulled up the chair next to the bed, and sat down, "Adam, when you first abandoned Gracie, I was angry at you. I felt like you were taking my baby girl from me. Now…now I realize even more that you are my child. _My baby_. No matter if you are Gracie or Adam, you're still _my baby_. I can't lose you, sweetheart. You mean the world to me. That smile of yours…that smile of yours reminded me that there was still goodness in the world. Please, baby…I want to see that smile of yours again real soon."

Audra whipped away a tear that had fallen, "I love you so much, Adam. You could drive me completely crazy….and you knew that. I could get…I could get so _angry_ at you. But then you…you'd flash that smile of yours and I couldn't be mad anymore. I miss you so much, Adam. We all do."

There was a knock on the door, and Audra knew her time was up, "I love you, baby. I love you so much, Adam."

She kissed his bandage on his forehead just as the nurse came into the room.

"Ma'am?"

"Yes, I'm ready."

The nurse led Audra out of the room, and back to the waiting area. Everyone turned as she walked through the doors. She wiped away a tear, and sat down in her seat.

"How is he?" Drew asked.

"It's pretty bad," Audra said honestly, "Drew, the nurse is waiting. You can go next."

"No," Drew's eyes fell on the man sitting a few seats over from him, "Eli should go."

"What?" Eli glanced up, wondering if his name being mentioned was a mistake. Maybe his ears were playing tricks on him.

"You go next," Drew nodded towards him.

"But…you're his brother."

"So are you," Drew said, matter-of-factly.

Eli shakily stood from his chair. He had never really gotten along well with Drew. Drew was the jock and Eli was…Eli. The fact that Drew would allow him to go and see Adam first…Eli was stunned.

"Thank you," Eli wondered how his mouth managed to form the words. Drew smiled a small smile, and nodded towards the door.

Eli felt as though he was walking through quicksand. He moved as if he were in a trance. He had no idea what to expect to see in Adam's room, but the very thought terrified him. Adam was always so chill, so happy, and so easy-going. Eli wished he could give him some advice like he had so often done. Whenever Eli was manic, Adam would be the one to set him straight.

_"Are you sure that's a good idea?" _Adam would say, eyeing Eli with a raised eyebrow, _"Do you really want to do this?"_

And Eli would pause, and listen to his friend's constant voice of reason. He always gave in and listened to Adam, as much as he sometimes hated it. Now, he longed for Adam to give him more advice. _Just tell me what to do_, Eli begged as he swung the heavy doors open, _I don't know what to do._

"Are you going to see Adam Torres?" The nurse asked.

"Yeah, I'm Eli."

"I'm Riley. Adam is in room 413. If you could, please wash your hands at the sink for about thirty seconds, then dry, then use hand sanitizer."

Eli did as he was told, and followed Riley to Adam's room.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" The nurse asked, "It can be a bit…tough on some people."

"No," Eli crammed his hands deep into his pockets, "It's fine."

Riley held the door open for him, and Eli made his way inside. When he saw Adam, he felt as though his legs had crumbled out from underneath him. He slowly made his way closer to the bed, and didn't even bother to fight against the tears.

"_God, Adam_," Eli hissed, seeing his best friend, "What the hell did they do to you?"

Adam was unrecognizable. Eli didn't know what he was expecting to see. Maybe he had painted a picture in his head of Adam with a few cuts and bruises and Band-Aids. He never imagined this.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "But God, man, you look like _shit_!" Eli chuckled, and the tears flowed faster, "I…I guess I should say a few words. Um…we're all here for you, man._ All of us_. The circumstances really blow, but it's nice to…to see them all again. Um…when you get out of this place…we're all going to have to grab a beer…or something…catch up. Yours will be my…my treat," Eli wiped at the tears with the back of his hand.

"Adam…I can't lose you, alright man? I just can't lose you. I can't lose someone else. First it was Julia…now…I just _can't_ do this again, Adam. Don't make me go through this again," Eli felt like punching the wall, but decided getting thrown out of the hospital wouldn't be the best decision, "I _need_ you, man. You're my best friend, Adam. I can't lose someone else who matters this much to me. I just can't do it again."

There was a knock on the door, and Eli knew he had to go.

"I better scram before the nurse gets mad at me for overstaying my five minutes. When they let you have visitors again, I'll be back to see you. Hang in there, man. You're tough. You're tougher than this. You can beat this, alright. This coma? This is nothing. You'll come out of this just fine, alright?"

The nurse opened the door, "I am sorry sir…"

"Can't I just have one more minute?" Eli asked, growing frustrated, "Please?"

"One more minute, sir, but that's it."

"Can you believe them?" Eli asked Adam, "Only giving us five minutes with you. I swear to you, man, when you get out of this…we're gonna do something awesome. You always wanted to go to Italy, remember? When you get out of here, I'm taking you to Italy. We can get drunk off our asses on fine Italian wine…bed a few Italian girls," Eli wiped at the tears again, "Come on man…it'll be awesome. Our own adventure. Hell, they could make a movie out of all the shit we'd get into."

Another knock.

"_Fuck_. I have to, man. But stay strong, alright, Adam. _God_…Adam…I just want to say…we love you, man. And we're rooting for you. We love you, Adam…" Eli's tears had turned into sobs and he found himself heaving under each cry, "I…_I_ love you, Adam," he added, just as the nurse was coming in.

When Riley saw Eli, she stopped in her tracks. She felt like the worst person in the world having to pull him away from the bed, but it was hospital rules. No visitors in ICU for longer than five minutes at a time. She had a job to do.

"Come on, sir," she gently placed a hand on Eli's arm, "It's time to go now."

Eli clawed at the tears that were falling, "He's my best friend."

"I know, sir," Riley felt her throat tighten. It was moments like this when she questioned her job, "I'll take you back to the waiting room."

"No, I…I think I'll go for a walk instead."

Riley nodded and held the door open for him. Eli made his way to the elevators. He felt like yelling at someone, and he knew there was only one person responsible that he could speak to. Eli rode the elevator down to the first floor. He hated the concept of churches and chapels. If God did exist, he wouldn't be confined to a wooden box.

Eli headed out the main hospital doors, and to the courtyard. There was a fountain, and rosebushes, and several little park benches. He sunk down into one of the benches, leaned forward, put his head in his hands, and sobbed.

_ Don't you do this to me again…alright? Don't you fucking _dare_! You took Julia from me, and I won't let you take Adam too. You can't have him. He's too good. He's too good for you to just take away from us. We need him, alright? Don't you _fucking dare_ try and take him from us! I don't know what to think about you. If you do exist, how can you be so fucking _cruel_? Do you think it's _funny_? Is it _entertaining_ to you? _

_ How dare you think you can take Adam from us! Julia was hard enough…but you can't have Adam. If you want someone, you can have me. Hell, I'd make it easy for you. You can have me. You can have me anyway you want – overdose, slit-wrist, fall off a building…but you _cannot_ fucking have Adam. I refuse to let you have Adam!_

_ Am I your entertainment? Is it _fucking hilarious_ to watch my girlfriend get killed because of a fight I started? Is it _fucking hysterical_ that I have Bipolar Disorder and depression? Is a _fucking riot_ that I can't keep a girlfriend to save my own life because I am too afraid of hurting her? Is it a _fucking joke_ that everyone I am close to…either_ I_ push away or they get _taken_ away? Don't do this to me again. Cut me a break. For once. Don't you take Adam. Don't you _dare_ take Adam._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Anyone ever watched the TV show "Firefly?" Well, there's a reference in this chapter. Brownie points if you catch it! **

Chapter Five

Clare had gone in after Drew and Bianca to see Adam. It had been surreal, seeing him hooked up to all those machines. She didn't know what she had expected to see, but it certainly wasn't that. Adam – Adam who had been so full of life – seemed nothing more than a shell of who he had once been. Clare hadn't been able to stay in the hospital room for long. She had briefly told Adam how much he meant to her, and how needed to pull through, before backing out of the room and heading to the elevators. She didn't want to return to the waiting room just yet. She needed a breath of fresh air…she needed out of the hospital.

Clare hurried out the doors and took a deep breath. Even though the air smelled of exhaust and fumes, anything was better than the smell of alcohol and sterilizer. She made her way to the side courtyard. She just needed a moment to clear her head and to get away from everything.

When she neared the courtyard, Clare saw Eli sitting on one of the park benches. He had his head cradled in his hands. Clare couldn't tell if he was crying or not. He seemed so stoic. She wondered if she should say something, or if she should just turn around and leave before he noticed she was there. Eli lifted his head up and turned to face her. Uh-oh. It was too late now to just slowly back away. He had felt her standing there, staring.

"I-I can go if…if you want me to," Clare offered, noticing his red-rimmed eyes.

"Um," Eli ran a hand through his hair, trying to regain his composure, "No, it's fine. You can stay if you want to."

Clare smiled and a taut smile, and slid onto the bench next to him. She had no idea what to say – if she should say anything at all. She tucked a strand of cinnamon curl behind her ear, and folded her arms over her chest. She stared at the water trickling down the fountain, and tried not to focus too hard on the fact that her stomach was churning with butterflies. Why – after all these years – did Eli Goldsworthy still make her feel so nervous?

"What's that?" Eli asked, pointing to her ear.

Clare's hand flew to her ear, and she felt the small silver band against the cartilage, "Oh," she blushed, "Just my earring."

"You still have it?" Eli asked, raising an eyebrow and trying not to sound too surprised.

"Yeah," Clare desperately tried to keep her voice casual and light, "I never really take it out. I don't…I don't want the hole to close up."

Eli nodded and brushed a brown curl off the side of his face, "Same here," he showed off his on silver band.

"Oh," Clare didn't know what else to say. So they had both kept the piercing they had gotten together? Clare tried to convince herself not to read too much into it. After all, he might have just liked the piercing just as she did. The fact that he still had it didn't mean anything at all, and she was not about to let herself overanalyze it.

"Um…how are you…holding up?" She asked.

"Been better," Eli answered earnestly, "What about you?"

"It's tough. I just…it breaks my heart to see Adam like this. It breaks my heart to know that there are five monsters in this world capable of doing something so horrific to such a wonderful person."

Eli nodded and then asked the question that had been playing on his mind since she walked through the doors of the surgical unit's waiting room, "How have you been, Clare?"

"Oh…um…good. I've been really…good."

"You teach English at that what's-its-name university, right?"

"You mean NYU?" Clare tried not to smile, "Yes, I teach second-year British Literature. Summer break started two weeks ago, and I put my foot down this year and said no to teaching summer classes. I just…I needed a break."

Eli nodded, understandingly, "So, are you one of those professors that are really cool and down to earth? Or are you one of those professors who act like they have a stick taking up permanent residence up their…"

"Sort of in between," Clare admitted, "What about you? Weren't you teaching drama at Degrassi, last I heard?"

"Yeah, still am. But I do some writing on the side too. I've written some plays for the Degrassi Community theater. If you come visit again, you should check them out. They aren't half bad."

"Definitely."

"Clare?"

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you visit?"

Clare opened her mouth to answer, but no words came. How could she possibly tell her ex-boyfriend that her husband didn't really permit her to travel? Yeah, that would go over real well. Clare began to pick at her polish, and Eli raised an eyebrow.

"That bad, huh?"

"What?"

"You're picking your nail polish all off," Eli nodded towards her hands, "You only do that when you're stressed or worried about something. So spill. Why don't you ever come back?"

"Well…it's just difficult to get away. Brian is just so busy with work and…"

"_Brian_," Eli made a face, "Isn't that your mothball of a husband?"

"Don't call him that," Clare interjected, "He's quite…_nice..._actually." Clare stopped herself, winced, and said, "No he's not."

"What's wrong?" Eli asked.

"He just…he is very…dull and controlling. He doesn't really let me come home to visit because he thinks it's boring. He would much rather I be going to Los Angeles with him, or Europe. Anywhere but my old home. When I've brought up meeting up with Ali for lunch or something, he tells me that I'm not in high school anymore and I need to grow up."

"Wow," Eli's eyebrows practically rose into his scalp line, "_Geeze_. And tell me again, what the hell was going through your head when you married him?"

Clare blushed and shrugged.

Eli smirked, "Okay then."

"If it redeems my case any," Clare suggested, "I am considering a divorce."

"Divorce? Really? _You_?"

"Yeah," Clare returned to picking the polish on her nails, "I-I never thought I'd be one to get a divorce…especially after my parents. I always wanted to prove to myself that it is possibly to find true love and all that good stuff. I guess it just wasn't in the cards for me."

"Maybe someday, huh?" Eli shrugged, staring at the fountain.

"Maybe someday," Clare nodded, "So, what about you? Oh, let me guess. I bet you have a slew of different girls at your every beck and whim. I bet you have a different girl every weekend that you charm and romance."

"Oh yeah," Eli nodded enthusiastically, "A different girl for every night of the week, practically. Tonight was going to be Talia, the Russian super model who is touring North America. She has daddy issues and prefers guys who are angry and cynical…"

"And full of bullshit?" Clare raised an eyebrow.

"_Hey_," Eli glanced at her as if she had just sprouted a second head, "Such strong language from Saint Clare."

"I curse," Clare folded her arms over her chest, "When it's appropriate."

"Clare, the whole point in cursing is that it _isn't_ appropriate," Eli chuckled, "And if you _must_ know, I had a girlfriend for a while. She was an actress in one of my plays, but we called it off a few months ago."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

Eli shrugged, "If it isn't right, it isn't right. So, what are you doing out here?"

"I had to get some fresh air," Clare admitted, "The hospital smells…they were all getting to be too much. What about you? What were you doing before I interrupted?"

"What would you say if I told you I was praying?"

"_Praying_? _You_?" Clare asked, dumbfounded.

Eli shrugged again, "If yelling at God counts as praying. I mean, I _was_ talking to him."

"I think it does, in its own way," Clare turned to him, "So does this mean…"

"I don't know," Eli glanced to the gravel beneath his feet, "I just want some answers, and the doctors and cops aren't giving me any. I just…I can't get over the fact that if he _is_ real, how can he let such bad things happen to people, huh?"

"Because how would be able to recognize and be grateful for the good times, if we didn't have the bad to compare them to?"

Eli shook his head, "God is supposed to love the people he created, right? But if he loves us all so much, why the hell does he make us go through such hell? I don't know what I think, Clare. But all I do know is that Adam is hurting, and I can't stand it."

"I know. I've been praying too. I've been praying that God would make this all go away. And if he can't do that, then at least let Adam pull through this."

"You know," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "I actually used to believe in God…before I lost Julia. Once she died…I just stopped. It was just so unfair, and I couldn't believe that a god could do something like that – could cause someone he created to go through so much…pain."

Clare placed a hand on his back, and when Eli turned to look at her, she quickly withdrew it. Grimacing, she said, "I'm so sorry. That wasn't…I was just trying to…"

"It's fine," Eli tried to reassure her, feeling badly for her embarrassment, "_Really_. Don't…worry about it."

Clare nodded, and folded her hands in her lap. Quietly, she added, "Eli, you're a strong person. You've been through a lot – more than anyone deserves to have to go through. Try…try and believe that Adam will be alright, please. Just try to believe in that."

Eli chewed on his lower lip, "Alright," he agreed, "I just wish we had some answers. I just wish…I wish none of this had ever happened. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Why did it have to be Adam?"

"I know," Clare sighed, and wished she could be as comforting as Fiona was to him, "Adam is just so wonderful, to everyone. He didn't deserve this. I…I heard Audra say that they were going to send him back in for some surgeries in order to set some of the bones. I think she said they were going to put rods in his arms and legs and wire his jaw back…together."

Eli winced, "I can't even imagine…do you think he's in pain?"

"I am sure the doctors have him on some pretty powerful drugs," Clare tried to be reassuring, "He probably doesn't feel a thing."

"But he felt it while they were beating him," Eli glared into the fountain, "He felt _each kick, each blow_. And that…that _pipe_."

Clare sharply sucked in a breath, "He'll be okay, Eli."

"How can you say that? How can you say that when you don't even know?"

"Because I just have to believe it. That's all I can do right now…is believe that he will be fine."

Eli nodded, "We should probably get back to the waiting room. Maybe later you can take your suitcase to your hotel."

"Oh," Clare rolled her eyes, "I am such an idiot!"

"What'd you do?"

"I forgot to book a hotel. Surely the Night's Stay down the road from here will have something available, right?"

"Oh yeah," Eli stood from the bench, "I think Ali and Fiona are staying there. Bianca will probably stay with Audra and Drew."

Clare stood and followed Eli towards the doors, "He and Bianca seem to be doing alright…all things considered."

"Like I said, the drama isn't as important as Adam. Adam is everyone's main priority right now."

Clare agreed. They headed to the elevators together, and once inside, Clare said, "If you want to just…get away from the waiting rooms again…at least for a little while…I would join you in the courtyard again."

"Thank you," Eli pressed the number four in the elevator, "It was nice…talking to you."

"Yeah," Clare nodded, "It was nice, wasn't it?"

They elevator doors swung open, and together, they made their way back to the waiting room. As they headed inside, Ali caught Clare's eye and raised a perfectly-plucked eyebrow. Eli took his seat next to Fiona, and Clare sat down next to Ali.

"Where were you two and why were you gone so long?" Ali hissed, "_And why is your hair a mess_?"

"_Ali_!" Clare rolled her eyes, "I just needed to get away after seeing Adam in the condition he was in. I went for a walk and found Eli out by the fountain in the courtyard. We got to talking…and it was _windy_ outside! _Geeze_! Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Sorry," Ali held up her hands in surrender, "I just know how the two of you can be…"

"Ali, I think we're all just focused on Adam for the time-being," Clare brushed a few flyaway hairs back into place with her fingers, "Speaking of…have we heard anything yet?"

"Not yet. He's in surgery now. The doctor should be in once the surgeries are finished to let us know how everything went."

Clare nodded, "Ali…where are you staying for the night?"

"I have reservations and the Smithton. What about you?"

"I don't know yet. Do you think I could get a room there?"

"Probably. Why don't you come with me after Adam's surgeries and after Doctor Abrahams returns. We can drive over there, and you can see about getting a room, and ditching that bag," Ali nodded towards the suitcase.

"Alright. Thank you, Ali."

"Sure thing. Unless…you want to stay with a _certain_ _someone_…"

"Ali," Clare shot her best friend a look, "You're impossible, you know?"

"Hey, I haven't seen you in like two years," Ali flipped some hair over her shoulder, "I am just making up for lost time."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Wow! The response this story is getting is phenomenal. I really appreciate it! Thank you guys so much! You all are so awesome!**

Chapter Six

Doctor Abrahams didn't even after to question who all Adam Torres' family was the third time he came into the waiting room. Instead, he just met Audra's eyes, and everyone knew he had news to share.

"Adam is out of surgery now," Doctor Abrahams explained, "We were able to reconstruct some of the broken bones, and place rods in both arms and legs. He also has a wire placed in his jaw right now. The proctologist said there was some bruising and tearing to the colon, and Adam is scheduled for another surgery in about two hours. We have him on the highest dosage of pain medicine we can legally issue. He still requires the breathing machine, and there is still no way to determine if there is any permanent damage to the brain."

Audra sighed, and closed her eyes, "Thank you, Doctor. When can I see him again?"

"This evening," he explained, "But only one guest. Tomorrow, everyone can see him again for the allotted five minutes. I know this is difficult on all of you. I can honestly say, I have never seen such a huge family support. The fact that you all have gathered together during this time is, to say the least, refreshing."

Audra nodded in agreement, "Adam means the world to all of us," she explained, "Of course we would all be here for him. He would do the same if it were any of us."

The doctor excused himself, and Audra returned to her seat. He was right. It was nice that everyone was there. She couldn't remember the last time they had all come together, but it had been probably about a decade. Everyone had their own issues and their own drama, and life just seemed to get in the way of coming together as friends. All the drama had been set aside, and Adam had become everyone's top priority.

They all loved her son so much, and the fact that they were all here was awe-inspiring to Audra. She knew Adam had meant a lot to them, but the fact that they were all there waiting in the hospital with her…Audra found the very prospect hard to believe. Everyone had their own lives, their own issues – yet they had all managed to come together to support Adam.

"Do you want me to take you to the Smithton?" Ali suggested to Clare, "We can see about getting a room for you, and you can get that bag of yours dropped off."

"Sure," Clare nodded, "I would like that."

"Does anyone want us to bring anything while we're out?" Ali offered to the waiting room, "It wouldn't be any trouble if someone wants a bite to eat or a magazine or something."

"A nice ménage a trois," Fiona smiled a faraway smile.

"Oh?" Eli raised an eyebrow, earning himself a smack to the forearm.

"I'm talking about the wine, _moron_," Fiona rolled her eyes, "Does your mind just permanently reside in the gutter?"

"Yup," Eli shrugged, "It comes with the whole '_being-a-guy_' thing."

"This is why I prefer girls," Fiona shook her head, "You two be safe, alright," she turned to Clare and Ali.

"Of course," Ali dug her keys from her bag, "Other than wine – or a threesome – does anyone want anything else…that's _within reason_," she laid a stern eye on Eli who flashed her the most innocent look he possibly could muster.

"Why are you looking at me?"

Ali rolled her eyes, "We'll be back in a bit. See y'all later."

As they headed out the doors and to the elevators, Clare said, "Ali, I can't tell you how much I've missed you!"

Ali laughed, and brushed some hair behind her shoulder, "I've missed you so much, Clare! Seriously, two years is way too long. I'm telling you, it's time to kiss Brian goodbye."

Clare winced as she pressed the button for the first floor, "It's just hard. I never pictured myself ever getting a divorce, Ali. I wanted to prove to myself that I was different than my parents. I wanted to prove that there was still true love out there for me. Eli says maybe it just wasn't the right time yet. He told me that maybe someday I'll have that chance again…but I just don't know. I'm scared that if I divorce Brian, I'll never find anyone else. How selfish is that?"

"Not selfish, just cautious," Ali said, understandingly, "You've always been one to want the cute little house with the cute little picket fence; and the cute little green shutters; and the cute little kids playing in the yard. You are worried that you won't be able to have that chance again if you do divorce Brian. Don't be so doubtful of yourself, Clare. You'll be able to find the right guy for you. I am sorry your first try wasn't it, but there's always a second shot."

"I just wish I realized all of this _before_ I decided to marry him," Clare frowned, and shoved her purse up on her shoulder as the elevator doors swung open, "It would sure have made everything easier. What am I supposed to do, Ali? Divorce is just so…messy and complicated."

Ali sighed and together they made their way towards the parking lot, "I know, but _you_ have to be happy, Clare. Your happiness needs to be your top priority. Nothing else needs to come before that. That's how I've made it this far. I never let _anyone_ interfere with my own happiness. If anyone tries to take that away, or put my emotional state on the back burner, I will kick them to the curb with my Jimmy Choo heels."

"I take it working at the department store is going well for you," Clare raised an eyebrow towards Ali's designer, hot-pink heels.

"Commission – it's a _marvelous_ thing!" Ali stopped at a Mercedes convertible, "Well here she is – my baby!"

"Wow," Clare was clearly impressed. She had never ridden inside a Mercedes before, "This is your car?"

"Yup," Ali giggled as she unlocked the doors, "Isn't it great? Seriously, have you ever seen a car cooler than this?"

Clare's mind drifted to a certain shiny black hearse that had been her ride of choice her high school days. Morty, that was what Eli had lovingly named the hunk of metal. Clare recalled how frightened she had been when Eli first introduced her to Morty. He had laughed at her, and made fun of how scared she was of the car, and of _him_. Clare had made some comment about Eli driving her into a dark alley to kill her. His response? _Haven't decided yet._

"Well?" Ali asked, sliding into the driver's seat, "Have you?"

"No," Clare lied, "I haven't seen a car cooler than this. This is really…something."

Ali grinned and turned up the radio, "What should we listen to? How about a classic?"

Classic? Clare nodded, and expected to hear Rolling Stones or The Ramones. However, Ali's idea of a classic differed from Clare's idea, and Brittany Spears began to blast through the speakers.

Clare couldn't help but laugh, "This is…this _If You Seek Amy_. Our jam!"

"You know it!" Ali turned the volume up a bit more, "I think Adam would approve if we just chilled for a moment and sang a long."

"God," Clare giggled, "He'd probably say something like, '_Seriously? The two of you have the absolute worst tastes in music. I swear…this is so…awful! What the hell is wrong with you two?' _and then he'd start singing along, of course."

"_Love me, hate me! Say what you want about me_!"

"_But all the boys and all the girls are begging to_…"

"_If you seek Amy_!"

The two erupted into a fit of giggles, and Clare felt as though she were suddenly fourteen again, "I've missed moments like this, Ali."

"Girl, this is why you need to move back."

"Ali," Clare sighed, "You know that I can't. I have a job at NYU – a job I had to work _really_ hard to get. A job I love _very_ much."

"Fine," Ali gave in, "But you could at least come visit some more."

"I will," Clare promised, "That's definitely something that will change."

When they pulled into the hotel's parking lot, Ali parked the Mercedes, and the two of them headed inside to the front desk. Clare inquired if there were any rooms available, to which the attendant replied, "Yes, there's one right down the hall from your friend's room."

"Perfect!" Ali squealed, "She'll take that one!"

After getting her room key, Clare and Ali headed to the room to put away the suitcase and freshen up a bit. When Clare saw herself in the bathroom mirror, she cringed. It had been so late when she had left the house, and she hadn't had time to apply any makeup. That needed to change.

Clare borrowed some mascara and blush for Ali. She also put on a bit of Candy Apple Lipstain, and was set to go. She decided she should probably change out of her airplane clothes. She put on a plain black t-shirt and ditched the sweatshirt.

"You look sexy," Ali's eyes widened, "Seriously. I think you lost some weight…and your boobs _definitely_ got bigger!"

Clare grimaced, "Ali, seriously?"

"If I were Eli, I'd do you."

"_Ali_!" Clare shrieked, "Good Lord! What is with you thinking I am going to hook up with Eli? We're over, Ali. We've been over. Besides, Adam is…"

"The main priority," Ali nodded, "And I get that, but maybe Adam would have wanted you two to…"

Clare held up a hand, "Just stop, _please_," she tried to fight the blush and the smile, "Whatever Eli and I had is in the past. And that's where it needs to stay – buried in a box and locked away _never_ to be unearthed again."

"Oh as if hooking up with him would be the _worst_ thing you could do," Ali rolled her eyes.

"It would be!" Clare insisted, "Come on, let's stop at the liquor store and see if we can't get Fiona that bottle of wine. I know she was just kidding, but I still feel like we should bring something back. Maybe we could stop at the drug store and pick up a few magazines or something."

"Good idea," Ali agreed, "It's not good to just sit around the waiting room. They need to get their minds off of things just for a moment or so."

Clare fluffed up her curls with her fingers, "Let's go."

"Alright. Hey, since we are getting some stuff to get everyone's mind off of things…maybe we should stop at the lingerie store and you can…"

"_No_, Ali!" Clare rolled her eyes, "_Not_ happening."

"I think you two will _totally_ do it."

"Ali, that is so inappropriate…given the circumstances."

"So, if the circumstances were different?" Ali asked as Clare shut the door behind them, "Then would you two…"

"I don't know!" Clare was exasperated, "Maybe. I don't know. Don't ask me questions like that!"

They decided to stop at a little bookstore on their way to the liquor store. Ali skimmed the magazine racks, picking out something for everyone. Sports Illustrated for Drew; Inked for Bianca; Better Homes and Gardens for Audra; Vogue for Fiona; Cosmo for Ali.

"What about Eli?" Ali called over to the Discounted Books table, where Clare was perusing.

"I think I found something for him," Clare held up a hardback book for Ali to see, "It's the _Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe_."

"Poe…wasn't that Eli's favorite writer?"

"Yup," Clare flipped it over to check out the price tag, "It's on sale for five bucks. You can't beat that."

"Do you want a magazine?" Ali offered, "Or we could just look at Cosmo together."

Clare winced, remembering the hours she and Ali would pour over those glossy pages with articles entitled _Does He Think You're Tit-riffic? _And _Tavern's Treasure: Finding Your "IT" Spot._ Clare had though those articles were disgusting. Until she met Eli. Then they intrigued her. Although they had never had sex, Clare had been fascinated with the articles. Maybe it was because Eli had told her he was no longer a virgin. Maybe she felt like she needed to "make up" for something. Either way, she had randomly become so curious as to what the articles had to say.

"Sure. Remember how your parents wouldn't let you subscribe, so we would always stop at the gas station on our way home from school and you'd pick one up and smuggle it home in your backpack?"

"Of course!" Ali giggled, "Those were the days, huh?"

They paid out for their items, then hit up the liquor store. Ali knew more about wine than Clare, so Clare let her decide which wine Fiona would like the best. After they checked out, they headed back to the hospital.

"Clare," Ali said as the Mercedes sped down the highway, "I am so sorry."

"Why? What for?" Clare asked.

"For not really taking the time to get to know Adam like I should. I remember he was really funny and really cool. But I never really made much of an effort to get to know him personally. I wish I had when I had the chance."

"Oh hush," Clare turned to her friend, "You'll still have the chance. Once he pulls through from this, we'll all hang out. Heck, Eli will probably plan a huge bash to celebrate."

Ali gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter until her knuckles were ghostly white, "Do you really think that he'll pull through, Clare?"

"What other choice do I have but to think that?" Clare asked, turning to look out the window at the blurred scenery passing by, "That's the only thing I _can_ think."

When they returned to the waiting room, Ali handed everyone their magazines.

"We thought everyone could use something to do," she explained as she passed out the magazines, "Sometimes it's good to get your mind off of things just for a bit."

"Yeah," Clare agreed, "Oh, Eli, I almost forgot. They had this book on sale that I thought you might like," Clare dug in her bag and pulled out the book she had purchased for him, "It's Poe."

Eli took the book from her hands and glanced over it. As he flipped through the pages, he glanced up and smiled at her, "Thanks, Clare. This is really cool."

"I figured you'd like it," Clare tucked a curl behind her ear, "I mean, you don't have to read it now or anything…but if you would like to get your mind off of everything…you can always just…"

"Thank you, Clare," Eli smiled a genuine smile.

She knew that was his way of kindly telling her to just shut up. Clare couldn't fight the blush from staining her cheeks, "You're welcome," she smiled a small smile, before turning her attention to Ali.

"I don't know if you've ever had it before," Ali explained to Fiona, "But it's one of my favorite ménage e trois."

"You didn't have to do this," Fiona turned the bottle of her in her hands, "But thank you so much, Ali. Really, that was very sweet of you," she turned her attention to the man sitting next to her, "And don't you even start."

"I didn't even say anything!" Eli held up his hands in surrender, "_Geeze_."

"You were thinking it," Fiona pointed a finger at him.

"Get out of my head!" Eli covered his ears, making her laugh.

"Oh hush," Fiona rolled her eyes, "Thanks again, Ali, Clare, this was really nice of you two."

"Of course," Ali shrugged, "Don't mention it. We were happy to do it."

Ali and Clare returned to their seats, and Ali pulled out the issue of Cosmo from her bag, "Want to read it with me, for old times' sake?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, why not," Clare gave in, "It wouldn't kill me to find out _What Your Favorite Food Says About Your Sex Life_," she giggled, reading off one of the headlines.

"Hey, that's vital information, missy!" Ali waggled a perfectly manicured finger at her, "Don't take it lightly."

"I'll try not to," Clare let a small smile escape her lips as Ali cracked the magazine open.

And in that moment, Clare felt as if there was a sense of calmness surrounding the waiting room. _Everything will be okay_, something inside her said, _everything will all be okay. _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"_Seriously_?"

Ali and Clare glanced up from the glossy pages of the magazine they were currently enthralled with to see Eli standing over them.

"Really, I am curious – do you two _actually_ still take this stuff seriously?" Eli quirked an eyebrow and snatched the magazine from their hands.

"_Hey_!" Ali protested, "We are reading that!"

"Hmm," Eli stroked his chin as he read the title of the article they had been reading, "_Windows to the Soul: What His Eyes Say About His…Sex Drive_?" Eli choked on his own saliva, "What does sex drive have to do with eye color and soul and…wait a minute…you two _actually_ paid _money_ for this garbage?"

"You have green eyes," Ali snatched the magazine back and used her index finger to scroll down the page until she landed on what she was looking for, "You enjoy four-play and…"

"Okay," Eli grabbed the magazine back, "That's enough of that."

"It said you enjoyed cuddling before and after sex, and…_ow_!"

Eli thumped her on the head with the rolled up magazine, "I was going to be nice and see if you wanted to join Fi and me for lunch, but now I don't think I will."

"Eli," Clare began, but found herself thumped on the head as well, "Maybe that'll knock some sense into the two of you. Drew, Bianca, Audra, would you like to join Fiona and me for lunch?"

"Actually," Drew cast a sly look in Bianca's direction, "Bianca and I were considering going to lunch at the café across the street to talk about…stuff."

"Maybe we can all do dinner," Bianca suggested, "Sorry, guys."

"It's fine," Fiona smiled at her, "Really. You two go and just have some time together."

"Thank you," Drew stood and offered Bianca his hand, "We will be back soon, alright?"

"Take your time," Audra nodded towards her son, "And I appreciate the invitation as well, but I need to place a few phone calls. You guys don't have to stick around here. Go and have a nice lunch, and I will see you all when you get back."

"Are you sure?" Eli asked, "At least let us bring you something."

"Alright," Audra gave in, not really remembering when the last time she ate was, "Just something light though. Thank you."

"No problem," Eli shrugged, "Fi?"

"Coming," Fiona hopped up from her chair and shoved her purse over her shoulder, "Clare, Ali, why don't you two join us?"

"No," Eli objected, "They were reading _Cosmo_, Fi. That is a disgrace to journalistic literature!"

"I sometimes read Cosmo," Fiona admitted.

Eli sighed a dramatic sigh, "I am surrounded by idiocy!"

"What else did it say about green eyes?" Fiona asked Ali, with saccharine curiosity.

"Well, like I said," Ali continued, "Guys with _green eyes_," she shot a look in Eli's direction, "prefer to cuddle before and after sexual intercourse. They have a hard exterior, and like when a girl can break down their walls before sex."

"Can we be done with this conversation?" Eli asked as they headed towards the elevators.

"It also said," Ali continued, ignoring Eli's plea, "that they enjoy being touched rather it's through massages or tickling or…"

"Can we _please_ be done now?" Eli begged.

"Clare," Ali turned to her friend, and with a devious smile asked, "is that true?"

Clare began to cough and choke on her own saliva, and a red-as-beets blush stained her cheeks, "Ali…um…I…"

Eli's reaction to the question was about the same.

"Well, Brian has green eyes, right?" Ali batted those spidery lashes of hers, and Clare could just about kill her.

"_Yes_," she sighed an incensed sigh, "He does."

"Is it true?"

"I am _not_ going to discuss this," Clare folded her arms over her chest.

"I just want to prove to Eli that Cosmo isn't as ridiculous as he thinks it is."

Clare rolled her eyes to the ceiling of the elevator compartment, "Ali, I am not going to discuss anything in regards to Brian's and my sexual relationship."

"_Sexual relationship_?" Eli smirked, "Is _that_ what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Leave her alone," Fiona batted him on the arm.

"Why?" Eli protested, "They get to talk about what my eye color has to do with my sex drive, I get to bug her about her '_sexual relationship_' with her husband."

"This conversation is _completely_ inappropriate," Fiona shook her head.

"_You_ were the one that brought up a threesome," Eli reminded her.

"I was talking about _wine_!" Fiona glared at him, "And you know it!"

"Guys," Clare held up a hand, "Let's please not talk about this right now," she suggested, "Let's just try and have a nice lunch together without any talk about sex or Cosmo, alright?"

"Sounds good to me," Eli agreed, "No more talk about sex."

"Fine," Fiona nodded, "Works for me. Ali?"

Ali shrugged, "Sure, why not."

As the elevator doors swung open and an older couple got on, everyone crowded together. Eli couldn't fight the smirk that was tugging at the corner of his lips.

"So, Clare, tell me – how does one have sex with a mothball?"

The older couple turned and glared at them, and Clare wanted to melt into a puddle of mortification on the elevator floor. Her jaw fell lax at the question, and at the very fact Eli dared to ask something so bold.

"_Eli_!"

He shrugged innocently, "Just curious."

"You…you have _no_ place asking me about my sex life, Elijah Philip Goldsworthy!"

"_Philip_?" Ali cackled.

Eli shot her a sidelong glance, "Clare _Diane_ Edwards, I thought you knew better than to use my middle name."

Clare was shocked that he remembered her middle name, but merely shrugged and said, "I know better, I just don't care."

"_Philip_?" Fiona glanced towards Eli, "You told me you didn't have a middle name…something about Cece and Bullfrog and being unconventional…"

"That's it," Eli pointed a finger at each of them, "Remind me to murder all of you. But not you," his finger fell on the older couple, "I don't even know you."

They glared at him before turning around and facing the doors of the elevator, whispering something among themselves.

The doors swung open, and the couple scurried off the elevator faster than Clare had seen anyone scurry with a walker and a cane before. She followed Fiona towards the cafeteria, and tried to fight the feeling of satisfaction swelling within her. How had she remembered Eli's middle name after all these years? Philip. _Elijah Philip Goldsworthy_. She tried to keep her lips from upturning into a smile as she recalled the first time she heard his middle name.

_"Elijah Philip Goldsworthy, did you seriously not think I would find out that you made a C in your Chemistry class?"_

_ "Bullfrog, not now," Eli shot an embarrassed look towards Clare, "Can't we talk about this later?"_

_ "We are talking about this now," Bullfrog crossed his arms over his chest, "Couch, now!"_

_ "Bullfrog…_Dad_," Eli pleaded, "Can't we talk about this _after_ Clare leaves?"_

_ "If you didn't want to get your ass chewed out for a bad mark in school, then you shouldn't have made the bad mark," Bullfrog countered, "Now then, what the _hell_ is going on, kid? You normally make such good grades. You're better than this."_

_ "There's just been a lot going on right now," Eli winced, "Can I go now?"_

_ "No, you may not. This is unacceptable, Eli. You are better than this grade, kid. A _lot_ better than this grade. I expect you to make at least a B in your Chemistry class," Bullfrog shot his son a look that made Clare wanted to crawl out of her skin and run for the front door – anywhere but there, "Or else I am not going to be very happy."_

_ "This is your '_very happy_?'" Eli raised an eyebrow._

_ "_Excuse me_?" Bullfrog raised an eyebrow, "Want to say that again?"_

_ "No," Eli lowered his eyes._

_ "That's what I thought. You're a smart kid, kid. You are a hell of a lot smarter than me when I was your age. You're going places. Don't you screw that up, Eli."_

_ "I won't."_

_ "Good. We will talk about this more after you take Clare out for a nice dinner to make up for her having to sit here as her boyfriend gets his ass chewed out for bad grades," Bullfrog smiled at Clare, who shyly returned the smile. He dug out his wallet and handed his son a fifty dollar bill, "Take her somewhere nice, alright?"_

_ "Thanks, Dad."_

_ "And don't forget, we _aren't_ finished discussing this yet."_

_ "But…"_

_ "We're done talkin' about the grade, kid. Did you really not think you'd get in trouble for hiding your report card? I had to find out from your teacher what your grade was when I emailed her like an idiot to ask why I hadn't seen my son's grades."_

_ Eli grimaced, "I guess that wasn't a smart move on my part, huh?"_

_ "You got that right," Bullfrog sighed and a ran a hand through his hair, "Just get out of here and have a good time with Clare-Bear before I decide to start using my dad voice."_

_ Eli stood up from the couch, defeated, and offered Clare a hand to help her up, "I am sorry, Dad."_

_ "Yeah well…get out of here," Bullfrog waved them away, and Clare thought she noticed him fighting a small smile from creeping across his face. _

_ When they were outside, Clare turned to Eli and said, "Wow, your dad is really mad."_

_ "Yeah," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "I'm not exactly used to getting yelled at," he admitted, "Sorry you had to see that."_

_ "It's alright," Clare tucked a curl behind her ear, "All I know is after hearing that, I'd hate to hear what his 'dad voice' sounds like," she admitted._

_ "It's not pleasant," Eli pouted, then brightened, "Come on, let me treat you to that nice dinner. Let's have a good time tonight before my dad completely murders me later."_

_ Clare climbed into the passenger seat of Morty. As Eli fiddled with the radio, she raised an eyebrow and asked, "So…Philip, huh?"_

_ "Shut it, Edwards."_

Eli thrust his hands into his pockets and scowled as he followed the girls towards the cafeteria. Why did they always have to pick on him? Maybe because he always picked on them. But he was Eli, and he wasn't about to take the blame for anything. He decided it was because they were just mean. Yup, that was it. They were just mean. They enjoyed getting under his skin. He still couldn't believe that Clare had remembered his middle name…or that he had remembered hers. He still remembered when she first told him what her middle name was.

_"What's your middle name?"_

_ "Why do you ask?"_

_ "I just wanna know," he shrugged. They were laying on her bed, watching the ceiling fan spin around, just talking, "So what is it?"_

_ "I'm not telling," Clare said stubbornly, "You'll make fun of me."_

_ "Will not," Eli protested, "Come on. You know mine."_

_ "Eli…" Clare whined, "It's not a big deal…"_

_ "I just want to know what the love of my life's middle name is," he said so sweetly, that Clare couldn't possibly refuse him._

_ "It's Diane," Clare admitted._

_ "Diane!" Eli howled, "_Seriously_?"_

_ "You said you wouldn't laugh."_

_ "No, I said I wouldn't make fun of you. Laughing is a completely different matter entirely…ow!" She had hit him in the face with her pillow._

_ "Repeat it, and you're dead, Goldsworthy."_

_ "Same goes for my middle name," Eli shot her a glance, then offered her his hand, "Deal?"_

_ "Deal."_

When they arrived at the cafeteria, everyone chose something different for their lunch. Fiona went with a salad; Eli grabbed a tuna salad sandwich; Clare chose a grilled chicken sandwich; and Ali decided on a chicken breast. After they each paid out for their drinks and meals, they headed towards the tables. Ali and Eli pushed together two tables so there would be room enough for everyone.

"Well this is fun," Fiona brightened, "I mean…it's just…it's nice to see everyone again."

"I just wish the circumstances were different," Ali cut into her chicken, "And I wish Adam could be with us right now, enjoying lunch."

"Once he gets better," Clare stabbed the plastic lid over her Coke with her straw, "We'll throw a big bash for him, and we can all hang out then and have a great time."

"I feel kind of…guilty," Fiona admitted, "I've had a good time today with you all."

"Me too," Ali agreed.

"Adam would want that," Clare said, "He wouldn't want us all to sit around and mope. He would want us to have a good time together…like old times. He would want us to catch up and have fun again."

"She's right," Eli nodded, "Adam wouldn't want us all to sit around. I talked to him the other day," Eli confessed, "about…high school. I recruited him to come help me clean up my apartment, and we found my old yearbooks. We were just flipping through them…and he said it'd be nice if we all could get together again…minus the drama."

"Oh, and we have _oodles_ of drama," Ali said with a smile.

"Assuming an oodle is a correct unit of measurement," Eli cast a small smile in Ali's direction, "She's right. We've definitely had our share of drama."

Clare picked at her chicken sandwich, not wanting to meet Eli's glance.

"But here we are," he continued, "Eating lunch together. Laughing together. Crying together. It's as if…nothing else matters. As if…everything is all in the past. There's only this."

"You sound like a song from Rent," Ali rolled her eyes, but she was smiling nonetheless.

"There's only us," Eli attempted a small smile.

"There's only this," Ali added. Eli cast a pleading look towards Clare, who glanced up in time from her chicken sandwich to notice.

"Forget regret – or life is yours to miss," she joined in.

"No other road," Fiona smiled, remembering the song from one of Eli's favorite musicals.

"No other way," Eli nodded, his small attempt at a smile, now grown into a full-bodied, genuine, smile.

"No day but today," they all said in unison.

"No day but today," Eli held up his cup of Coke, "Cheers to that."

"Cheers," everyone clinked their paper cups together.

The rest of the meal was eaten in a comfortable silence. Everyone seemed to be at peace. There weren't any fights, or arguments, or banter. There was just a feeling of being comfortable in one another's presence. It was nice, Fiona admitted as she took a bite of her salad. She had been worried what it would be like to have everyone gathered together. Would they be yelling at each other? Strangling each other? She was pleasantly surprised. It seemed as though they had picked up right where they had left off. In fact, she mused, they were even better than they were when they had left off.

"Clare," Eli grabbed her attention, "Come with me to get some dessert?"

"Um, okay," Clare followed Eli back into the cafeteria, "We should get something we all can share."

"What is with you girls and getting in my head," Eli rolled his eyes, "Anyway…do you remember the rest of the song from Rent?" He asked.

"Somewhat," Clare wondered where he was going with this.

"The line that says 'give in to love, or live in fear?'"

"Um, yes?" Clare felt her pulse quicken. _Down girl,_ she told her heart.

"I just want you to remember that. You told me by the fountain that you weren't too happy with the way your marriage was going. I just…I know it's not exactly the same as what the song says…but I just don't want you to be stuck in something because you're scared to get out of it."

"Have you been talking to Ali?" Clare sighed, "I know…it's just…tough for me."

"I just don't want you to be stuck in a marriage with someone who makes you unhappy because you're afraid of getting out of it, alright?" Eli raised an eyebrow, "Just think on it a bit. You deserve to be happy. Don't force yourself to be locked into unhappiness simply because you're afraid. Remember, 'and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud, was more painful…"

"…than the risk it took to blossom."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: I detest this new setup of the fanfiction stories with the images and that little bar thing on the top of the page of the story you're reading. Maybe it's because I've been on here for six years (…six years? Holy Jeebus! Where did the time go?) that whenever there's a change, I get annoyed. I'm like that. Give me a month and I'll probably be fine with it.**

Chapter Eight

Bianca twirled a strand of red hair around her finger as she glanced out the window at the passing traffic. She would never have expected to be returning to the home she had once known, or to her ex-husband. They had settled everything – for the most part – and there were no children. They could have, and they were, completely moving on with their lives. Bianca had even wondered if she would ever run into Drew again.

And then that phone call had come. That dreadful phone call that had brought her literally to her knees. Adam, the one she had seen as a brother throughout all those years, was in the hospital. Bianca couldn't imagine who would do something so horrible to someone as good as Adam. If anyone was golden, Adam was. There was a purity about him. A goodness. Bianca couldn't put it into words. But someone had felt the need to hurt him. Five someones had felt the need to hurt him.

Bianca couldn't wrap her head around it. She was a guidance counselor for one of the inner city public schools. She had thought she had seen it all. Until that phone call – until that morning. Now, everything was different. She didn't know whether or not Adam would pull through, or not; and she was going out to lunch with her ex-husband. Bianca's head spun with the craziness of the day. She wanted a pause button. She wanted just a moment to catch her breath.

"Thank you for flying out," Drew said, not peeling his eyes from the road, "It really means a lot that you can be here."

"Of course," Bianca turned her attention from the window to her ex-husband, "Not being here wasn't even an option. I knew I this is where I needed to be."

"Well, thank you," Drew allowed a small smile to cross his lips, "The café we're going to is really the delicious. They have good um…sandwiches."

"Drew," Bianca's eyes met his, and her head swam with the hundreds of words she longed to say, "I know when I left…we weren't on the best of terms…"

"Bi, don't worry about that. We've both moved past that. Now, we need to focus on Adam."

"Yes," Bianca agreed, "But can I just say that I am glad that we are talking. I know the circumstances are really shitty, but I…I am glad we can just talk…glad that we aren't screaming at each other."

"Or throwing hair dryers at each other's heads," Drew quirked an eyebrow.

"Hey," Bianca pointed a black metallic-pained finger nail at him, "You asked for that."

Drew pouted for a moment, "Alright, maybe I did kind of deserve that for throwing all your stuff off the balcony."

Bianca winced, "We really didn't do well together, did we?"

"Nope," Drew shrugged, "It happens sometimes though. We just weren't cut out of the whole marriage thing. Getting married was a mistake, but I don't regret having you…in my life, Bi."

Beet-red blush stained Bianca's cheeks and a small, shy smile crossed her face, "Me either, Drew. How…how have you been before all of this?"

"Good," Drew adjusted the collar of his button down shirt, "Just working at the newspaper, doing my thing in the Sports section."

"Good for you," Bianca nodded, "I'm have a job as a school counselor."

"Wow, I bet you love that. That's so…you."

"Yeah," Bianca twisted the curl around her fingers, "I really love my job. Every kid that walks through my doors…they remind me of me. Your mom helped me so much, Drew. She made me feel as though I mattered. That means the world to me. No one had ever treated me like I was someone before."

"You've always been someone to us," Drew reminded her, "Now, are you going to let me buy you lunch?" He asked as his little red sports car zipped into the parking lot of the café.

"Nope," Bianca reached up and touched the puffy pink splotch of skin just above his eyebrow, "I think I need to make up for that hair dryer incident. Lunch is on me, today."

Fiona dipped her fork back into the slice of chocolate cake, and dramatically popped it into her mouth and licked off the chocolatey goodness.

"You've got to be kidding me," Eli rolled his eyes.

"You certainly know the way to a girl's heart," she smirked and tapped him on the nose with her fork, "_Chocolate_."

"Clare suggested the cake. I wanted the apple pie."

"Well then, Clare," Fiona smiled sweetly to the girl sitting across from her, "_You_ certainly know the way to a girl's heart. For cafeteria food, this is a pretty good slice of chocolate cake. I needed chocolate."

"I guess it's not so bad," Eli grumbled, taking a bite, "I just wanted apple pie."

Clare rolled her eye "Stop pouting. So Fiona, where are you staying tonight?"

"I was hoping Eli would put me up, if it wouldn't be too much trouble," she shot Eli a hopeful glance, "I might drive home tomorrow to grab some stuff so I can get some work done while I'm here. My boss told me I could have the rest of the week off."

"You think you can just crash at my place?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I do," Fiona said matter-of-factly.

"Well…you're right," Eli rolled his eyes, a small smile forming on his face.

"I love how you can't say no to me," Fiona nudged him and Eli tried very hard to look frustrated and brooding, but he couldn't. Fiona always had this effect on him. She had been one of his best friends in high school, and they remained best friends after graduation. Whenever Eli was down, Fiona would always come over to cheer him up. He knew she had him wrapped around her little finger.

Eli grimaced, "That's pretty dangerous for me."

"Oh hush," Fiona rolled her eyes, "Clare, did you get your room squared away at the Smithton?"

"Yeah, I did. I'm right down the half from Ali."

"That poor hotel," Eli shuddered, "Having to put up with you two Fuss-buckets."

"We could always come crash your place," Ali threatened.

"Oh, we could open that bottle of wine," Fiona suggested, "And we can get drunk and watch a few chick flicks…"

"Oh, _hell_ no!" Eli pointed a threatening finger towards Clare and Ali, "They are _not_ staying at my apartment."

"It'll be fun," Fiona shrugged, "Maybe tomorrow night," she turned to Ali and Clare, "I'll work on him. It'd be so much fun! Eli just wouldn't know a good time if it came up and bit him on the…"

"_Alright_," Eli held up a hand, "I think we should get something for Audra, and head back to the waiting room to see if we've heard anything else."

They got Audra a salad and an iced tea, and headed back to the waiting room. When they walked through the doors, they found Audra in tears. Eli hurried to her side, knelt down on the linoleum title before her and tried to meet her gaze.

"Audra," he spoke softly, trying not to be too impatient or rough with her, "What's happened?"

"The doctor said…Adam was in surgery…for the damage to his colon…and there were some…complications," Audra wiped the tears from her face and grabbed onto Eli's hands, "He needs a blood transfusion. The doctor said...I'm not a match."

"What blood type is Adam?" Eli asked, rubbing her hand with the pad of his thumb, "Audra, talk to me. What blood type is Adam?"

"Type B," Audra shook her head, "I'm Type A."

"Alright," Eli pushed himself up off the floor, "I'm gonna go scrounge up a nurse."

"Eli?" Fiona's brow was furrowed.

"I'm Type B."

**Author's Note: I know hospitals have blood banks and blood stored up…probably, right? But for the sake of the story, Adam needing a transfusion is an emergency, and Eli is going to have to be the donor. I know it's not technically correct, but please try to overlook that! **


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Eli lay back in the hospital bed. He tried to keep calm, and control his breathing – and not think about his absolute fear of crippling terror of needles. He knew it was a dumb fear to have. He was Eli Goldsworthy. He was cynical and sarcastic; he dressed in black and drank too much; he used swear words like little kids use crayons; he listened to Metallica and collected medieval hunting knives…Eli Goldsworthy was not supposed to be afraid of anything – much less needles.

Each time Eli had ever had blood drawn, or had to have an IV (only once during a tonsillectomy), every part of him freaked out – including his veins. The nurses had to try about twelve times to get the IV into his arm. They described his condition as being like his veins know what's coming, so they recoil. That metaphor had made Eli want to vomit. Even the word 'veins' made his skin crawl.

He didn't want anything going into his flesh. Just the very thought of the needle pricking the epidermis, made his head feel as though it was a balloon that was floating away. Eli tried to swallow his nerves, but his stomach continued to churn and swell. He felt as if there was a sea-storm brewing in his stomach. Eli groaned, and turned his head to the side to see what the nurse was up to. He needed to monitor her every motion. There would be no funny business as long as he kept an eye out…

"Have you ever donated blood before, Mr. Goldsworthy?" Riley asked as she ripped open a small disinfecting wipe.

"No, I've had an IV before, and I've given blood for medical reasons…but I have never donated before."

"Alright, well your heart rate is still pretty high," Riley glanced at the monitor, "That's gonna have to drop a bit, before we can take the blood. If your heart rate it too high, it could cause you to go into cardiac arrest…oh sir," Riley winced as she saw the numbers spike, "I-I didn't mean to freak you out…um…is there anything I can get you to help you calm down?"

"Tetrahydrocannabinol and a good scotch?" Eli flashed his best toothpaste-ad grin. Riley shot him a look, and Eli held up his hands, "Just kidding…somewhat. Um…can you get one of my friends in here? Maybe having someone here to talk to will help."

"Any friend in particular?"

"Uh…" Eli wanted to say Fiona – he really did. So then why was the name that spilled out of his mouth, "Clare."

"I'll be right back," Riley smiled a comforting smile before exiting the room.

Eli rolled his eyes to the ceiling, wondering if it was at all possible to slap your subconscious without actually slapping yourself. Why in the world did he say Clare's name? Fiona. He had wanted Fiona there. She would laugh with him and talk with him, and definitely calm him down. Clare and calm didn't exactly fit in the same sentence. When Clare was around, she drove him crazy and spikes his blood pressure. He needed Fiona, _not_…

"Eli?" The door creaked open, and Clare apprehensively entered, "Everything okay?"

"Just peachy," Eli didn't even try to hide the acrimony in his voice.

Clare scooted a chair closer to the bed, and took a seat, "So, why did you want to see me?"

Eli's eyes rolled to the monitor above his bed, "Apparently they can't draw my blood until my heart rate goes down. So you've been summoned to try and calm me down."

"Got it," Clare nodded, understandingly, "So, you're still scared of needles?"

"I have to do this, Clare," Eli stated adamantly, "I have to do this for Adam. I can't let some stupid fear of needles stand in the way."

Clare wanted to push one of his deep brown curls from his eyes, but she knew better than to do that. They had limits and boundaries that just couldn't be breached. They needed to keep their distance from one another. Even though she was called in to console him, Clare didn't dare brush the hair from his face. That was Fiona's job. Why hadn't Eli beckoned for Fiona? Why had he asked specifically for _her_?

Eli's head rolled back onto the pillow, "Have you ever donated blood, Edwards?"

"Once," Clare explained, "It really isn't too bad. It goes by super-fast, and before you know it, it'll all be…" an_ I-will-stab-you_ glare from Eli made Clare stop mid-sentence. She knew this wasn't the kind of thing Eli wanted to hear at the moment. He was not one for pep-talks, "O-okay," Clare tucked a curl in place behind her ear, "I'm guessing that's a no on the pep-talk?"

"Yeah," a small smirk tugged at the corner of Eli's lip, "Hurry it up, Edwards. We need to hurry."

"Got it," Clare nodded; she knew she needed to say something to make him smile – to calm his nerves…but what? This was Eli. Making him laugh was easier said than done, "What did the eggs say to the sausage when the sausage shoved them into the toast?"

Eli raised an eyebrow, "Edwards…" he sighed, knowing this was not going to end well.

"'Look what your _bacon_ me do!' bud-dum-chya!" Clare tried to rim-shot, and failed.

Eli closed his eyes, and tried to fight the smile that was creeping across his face, "Edwards, that has got to be the _worst_ joke I have ever heard in my entire life. Seriously. It should be criminal how bad that joke was."

"But you're smiling," Clare wagged a finger at him, "You _are_ smiling!"

"Edwards…"

"What was that?" Clare raised an eyebrow, "Was that a _chuckle_?"

"No, that was me choking on my own vomit after how sickeningly horrid that joke was…"

"You chuckled!" Clare pointed an accusing finger at him, "You chuckled and you know it!"

"How's it going in here?" Riley asked, making her way into the room and over to Eli's bed, "Look at that," she smiled up at the monitor, "Your heart rate has gone down. I think we can take that blood now."

Eli winced, "I suppose it's now or never," he sighed, wondering if they could possibly knock him out before taking the blood.

"Clare, are you going to go back to the waiting area?" Riley asked, "You're welcome to stay."

"Um…" Clare looked to Eli, "It's whatever he wants."

"Stay," Eli shrugged, "It's not gonna hurt anyone to have you in here…unless, of course, you start off on the bad jokes again. Then you might drive me into a homicidal rage."

"I can refrain from the jokes," Clare promised, and adjusted her chair, allowing Riley easy access to Eli's exposed forearm.

Riley opened another disinfecting wipe. She pressed the cold alcohol-permeated swab to the crook of Eli's elbow. His arm jerked away and Clare thought she heard a small whimper escape his lips.

"It's just the alcohol swab," Riley explained, and showed him the small wipe, "See?"

Eli relaxed a bit, and let her finish cleaning the area. She then lifted the needle so that Eli could see what she was going to do next, "This will just sting a bit, and then it'll be all over. Then you'll feel a cooling sensation. Don't worry, it'll be over quickly."

Eli watched, not daring to turn away, as the needle disappeared under his skin. He felt the sharp sting of needle puncturing flesh, and couldn't help but wince. Clare didn't think twice about it – she just offered him the palm of her hand to squeeze. Eli accepted it, and wrapped his hand over hers, squeezing. Clare tried not to wince, or show that he was hurting her. After a few seconds, the squeezing let up.

"Better?" Clare asked.

"A bit," Eli sighed, and shifted his head on the pillow, "How long should this take?" He asked Riley.

"About five minutes. After we're all done, I'll get you some apple juice and a cookie so you don't get lightheaded. How do you feel right now?"

"I'm okay," Eli said honestly, "I am just glad I can do this for him," Eli released Clare's hand and said, "Thank you."

"No problem," all logic flew out the window, and Clare reached up and brushed that pesky curl out of his eyes. Eli didn't flinch, didn't turn away. Instead, he just titled his head to the side, and let a small smile cross his lips.

"Those blue eyes haven't faded any," he said, matter-of-factly.

A blush stung at her cheeks, causing Eli's small smile to grow, "Aw, come on," he decided to tease her a bit, to see if he couldn't get that blush to deepen, "That's not something you should be blushin' over. You should blush when you're told something like…'you're just as beautiful as ever.' Yup, _that_ would be an appropriate time to blush."

"Eli," Clare's voice was soft, but Eli could detect a hint of protest in how she spoke his name.

"What?" He blinked innocently, "Just educating you on the when is, and isn't, the proper time to blush."

"Eli..." Clare decided to just give in, and not argue with him. She sighed and said, "Thank you."

"For what? Oh, I didn't say _you_ were beautiful. I was just saying that, _hypothetically_, if someone _were_ to say that you were just as beautiful as ever, then that would be the appropriate time to blush."

"Eli!"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Edwards," Eli's lip hitched, "That never works out well for you."

Clare rolled her eyes, "You're impossible, Eli."

"What was it I always used to tell you?" Eli tapped a finger to his chin, "Ah yes! I remember now. It was, impossible, irresistible; tomato, tomoto."

"Eli…" Clare didn't want to smile, but found herself doing just that. She couldn't count the times he had said that to her when she had called him impossible out of frustration and anger.

"Yes, and you'd always smile…just like that!"

Clare shook her head, and tried to get the butterflies in her stomach to settle. How could she be getting butterflies around Eli Goldsworthy when their best friend was in a coma – and when she was married! But for long? Clare was still debating the divorce. It wasn't fair for either her, or Brian, to be unhappily tied to one another.

That reminded her – she probably should call Brian after Eli finished up. She needed to let him know that she made it safely, and that she would be staying for a while. She had to remind herself not to be nervous that he'd be angry or upset with her for staying. This was where she wanted to be – where she needed to be – and Clare was not about to let Brian take that away from her.

The bag above Eli's bed was filling up with the scarlet fluid. Once it had reached its capacity, Riley pressed a cotton swab to the site where the needle was. She gently pulled the needle out, and held the swab to the pinprick. Eli winced.

"Okay, that hurts," he admitted.

"It'll be a bit tender," Riley explained, "You might have some bruising, but that is all completely normal and nothing to worry over."

She tossed the cotton swab – stained crimson – to the metal table by the bed, and pressed a second swab to his arm. This time, she attached the swab to his arm with medical tape, "All done," she announced, "I'll go get you that apple juice and cookie now."

"What a boring bandage," Eli grumble when Riley left the room, "I was expecting Batman or something badass like that."

Riley returned with a small jug of apple juice, and a chocolate chip cookie wrapped in a napkin. Eli nibbled on the cookie, and sipped on the juice while Riley removed the bag from above the bed and went out to the hall to make sure it was given to the correct person.

"Thank you for being in here with me," Eli said as he took a sip of his juice.

"No problem," Clare couldn't help but smile, "This is where I need to be."

Eli didn't know how he should take that. What did Clare mean by that? Did she mean that she belonged here, at the hospital with everyone? Or did she mean that she belonged here, next to him? Eli could feel his head go queasy. He mentally cursed her. It was just like Clare to give him a headache.

"How are you doing?" Riley asked as she came back into Eli's room.

"Headache," he pressed his finger tips to his temple, "It's probably just because of the blood loss."

"Do you want to just lie in here for a bit more?" Riley asked, "If you're feeling lightheaded, you don't want to get up right now."

"Yeah," Eli winced, "I'd like to stay here. Clare, you can head back to the waiting room…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Eli turned over in the bed, "I just need to rest a moment."

Clare didn't know why he had become so cold towards her suddenly, but she decided she should probably do as he asked, and leave him be. Clare excused herself, thanked Riley, and quietly headed out the door and to the waiting room.

"I'll be back in to check on you in a few minutes," Riley dismissed herself, and left Eli to his thoughts.

_Who does she think she is? She is out of my life for ten years and comes back in and fucks everything up. Why does she have to turn everything upside down? Who does she think she is? How can she just come back into my life and make me feel as if we're back in high school together? Ten years have gone by! Ten years! You move on in ten years. People change in ten years! How can I be feeling all of these things all over again?_

_ It's Clare. Clare Edwards. And she's married. To a mothball…but that's beside the point. The point is, I can't have all of these feelings towards her again. I just can't. We're no good together. We tried, and failed, tried again, and failed again. I've learned my lesson – Clare Diane Edwards is nothing but trouble._

_ With a capital T. _

_ Pull yourself together, Eli. It's probably just the lack of blood flow to your brain that's making you get all weird. You are just feeling lightheaded. You just need to rest and recover. All these thoughts about having feelings again for Clare will pass. It's just the lack of blood flow to the brain._

_ I'm just a tad bit loopy right now. Just a little loopy. All of this will go away just as soon as I get some rest. _

Eli leaned back against the pillow and closed his eyes.

"How'd it go?" Ali asked as Clare made her way to her chair.

"It was alright…but then he got all weird afterwards. Maybe he's just on an episode or something, but he started to act really cold to me. Even though he was the one that wanted me in there with him."

"Eli just is confused right now," Audra explained, her sudden addition to the conversation causing Fiona, Clare, and Ali to look to her in surprise, "All of this…it's too much for him. He is trying to cope with it the best he knows how; and we all know how Eli copes with things – he pushes people away."

Clare nodded, "You're right. I just wish I would be used to it by now," Clare sighed and picked at the remains of her nail polish, "It always hurts when he pushes me away."

"It hurts him too," Fiona admitted, "Though he will never confess it. He hates pushing people away, but in his eyes – if he doesn't – he's just going to wind up hurting them again; and the very thought of that destroys him."

"Adam is like his brother," Audra sighed and turned to Clare, "And you…you meant the world to him. And maybe you still do. Who am I to say? But just try not to let his actions get you down too much. He thinks he's protecting you from himself, by isolating himself from you."

"I just wish he didn't want to protect me," Clare sighed, and smiled a sad, faraway smile.

"It's Eli," Fiona reminded her, "He wants to protect everybody."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Anyone else hate the new fanficiton layout? Like the pictures and the margins of the screen's page. I don't know…I just hate changes lol **

Chapter Ten

When Eli was feeling a bit better, Riley helped him back to the waiting room. Eli didn't feel like talking to anyone. He was still feeling a bit lightheaded, and the last person he wanted to deal with was Clare. He did feel a tad guilty (Eli mentally slapped himself for admitting that) for being so frustrated with her. She hadn't really done anything…at least not on purpose. And he had been the one that asked for her.

Eli headed over to one of the seats next to Audra and smiled a taut smile towards the woman who had been like a second mother to him as he was growing up. She had put up with a lot of crap from Adam and him, and she yet she never stopped being there for the both of them. Eli felt good that he could be there for her this time.

"How'd it go?" She asked him.

"Fine. They've taken the blood and Adam should be getting the transfusion as we speak."

"Thank you, Eli. I know it was a lot on you, but it really means a lot to me that you did that for Adam. Thank you so much, Eli."

Eli nodded, humbly. He hadn't really thought of it as a big deal. Adam needed a blood transfusion; Eli was a perfect match. Not donating wasn't even an option; it didn't even cross his mind. Eli rolled down the sleeve of his black button down shirt, and tried to ignore the pain. A little soreness, a little pinch, was nothing in comparison to what Adam had gone through.

"If you don't mind me asking," Eli turned to Audra, "What phone calls did you make?"

"I called the police station to see if we were any further in catching the guys that did this. They have yet to be identified, but the police are certain they are members of a street gang that goes by the name of Zion's Warriors."

"Neos?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

Audra sighed and nodded, "Their crimes are crimes against the LGBT community, the black population, the Muslim population…anyone basically that is different from them. They shave their heads and they have eagle tattoos on their forearms. The police are going to try and track down members of the gang to see if they can determine which five members were responsible for the attack."

Eli ran a hand through his hair, "Why haven't they done that? How long does it take to go and grab a bunch of fucking skinheads? They go in, grab them, throw them in the cages they belong in, and try to get them to talk. It's not fucking rocket science!"

"Eli," Audra said, calmly, "It's not that easy. There's paperwork and rules and litigation. They are trying really hard though. They are hoping to get the gang in their custody by this evening. Then they can begin their questioning and determine if only the five were behind the attack, or if the rest of the gang planned it or had any involvement. The police are thinking that it was just the five and that it was a spontaneous attack."

"How?" Eli asked, "Adam had…transitioned so well…"

"I know. I think one of the gang members knew him, or knew someone that knew him. It wasn't completely spontaneous. The transition was complete. You couldn't tell…I mean…unless you knew…you couldn't tell."

"You think it was someone close to Adam?" Fiona interjected, "Really?"

"Who else could know?" Audra rested her forehead against her fingertips, "Possibly someone he was close to who had ties to the gang…someone who knew that Adam was…transgendered…someone who told the gang or informed the gang…it wasn't random. No one could tell…this attack…it had been planned."

"I still don't understand," Ali shook her head, "Why would anyone do something so horrific to Adam?"

"Violence happens all the time," Audra turned to Ali, "And we always think it could never happen to one of us. We read stories in the papers…hear stories on the news…but we always think that we are somehow safe. We always think that nothing like that could ever touch us…that violence and harm…those nightmares can't touch us. We think we are invincible…until it happens to us."

Clare's eyes dropped to her fingers, and she realized she no longer had any nail polish she could pick at. Instead, she just sat there staring at hands, not really knowing what to say. Everything had been such an emotional roller-coaster. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

The doors of the waiting room swung open, and Drew and Bianca walked in together. Drew instantly could feel the tension in the room. Something had happened. Bianca tried to meet his eyes, but he turned instead to his mother, "What happened," he asked.

"There were some complications during Adam's surgery," Audra explained, "He needed a blood transfusion. Eli was the donor."

Drew sharply sucked in a breath, thankful that the complications weren't any more serious, "Thank you, Eli," he said, turning to the man sitting next to his mother, "That was really good of you."

Eli wondered why everyone was making such a big deal out of it. Adam needed blood, and he had given it to him. What else could he have done? Eli certainly didn't feel as if it had been anything special. He had just done what he knew he had to.

"How was your lunch?" Audra asked Drew, "Did the two of you at least have a good time?"

"Yeah," Bianca turned to her ex-husband, "It was nice to talk again."

"You've been away too long," Audra let a small smile cross her face as she reached up and cupped Bianca's cheek in her hand, "We've missed you. I hope you don't think that you're going to stay in a hotel while you're here."

"Oh, I hadn't really…"

"You will stay with us," Audra said determinedly, "And I won't take no for an answer."

"Alright," Bianca allowed a farm smile to break through, "I'd love to."

Clare remembered that she needed to call Brian. She wasn't sure if he would enjoy hearing from her, or not, but she knew that she needed to at least call him and let him know that she had arrived safely.

"I'm going to go call Brian," she told Ali as she dug her cellphone from her purse, "I need to let him know that I made it here safe and sound."

Ali sighed and tried hard to understand where Clare was coming from, "Alright," she nodded, "But if he starts to act like a jerk again, just hang up. You don't need any of this right now."

"I know," Clare excused herself and headed out to the hallway to place her phone call.

"She's not happy, is she?" Fiona asked Ali.

"Not really," Ali admitted, "I probably shouldn't be telling you this but, she did tell me that she talked to a lawyer about a month ago. I just want her to be happy, and I don't think Brian is the right person for her."

Eli busied himself by picking at a lost thread on the knee of his jeans. He tried to pretend that he didn't really care, or that he wasn't really paying much attention – but he was. He couldn't help but want to fly to New York and punch Brian in the face. Clare always wanted some little happily-ever-after. She deserved a damn happily-ever-after. He hated Brian for not being able to give that to her.

He noticed the look in her eye as she headed out to the hall. He remembered how Cece got before calling Bullfrog. Her eyes would light up and she'd get all giggly. Then again, Cece and Bullfrog didn't have the most conventional relationship. Eli could still remember being twelve years old and coming home from school to find them "doing it" on the kitchen table.

He had wanted to melt into a puddle and die. He remembered yelling at them and being so disgusted. He remembered Cece getting all flustered, and Bullfrog coming up to his bedroom to try and talk to him about the birds and the bees – everything of which Eli already knew. He had been so disgusted by them as he was growing up, but he had to admit, they were crazy in love with each other. That was something really special…something none of his friends' parents seemed to have. Eli never really thought he was cut out for marriage, but at least he knew how a husband was supposed to treat his wife. A husband's wife should never look so distraught at having to call him as Clare had just looked.

He knew marriage wasn't his thing. He knew he would never be husband material. He had too much going on and too much baggage. All his relationships (all what – four? Eli mentally cringed) ended because no one could handle him. No girl wanted to be with a guy that had so many…issues. He wasn't exactly easy to deal with. He was angry, cynical, and sarcastic. Not exactly a Prince Charming. But at least he knew how a husband was supposed to treat his wife. A husband was supposed to spoil his wife rotten, make her feel like a queen. Did Brian ever treat Clare like a queen? Did he ever spoil her?

Eli remembered talking to his mom about her marriage once after she and Bullfrog had one of their famous fights. When they did fight, their fights were intense. Things were thrown and broken and curses were thrown and doors were slammed. This fight had been due to Bullfrog staying out late with some of the guys from the record store. He had come home about two in the morning and was drunk. Cece didn't care about how late it was, or that he was drunk, but she did care that he didn't call.

Eli had been up reading Poe under his blankets with a flashlight when he heard the yelling start. Cece had started shouting and cursing and Bullfrog had started shouting and cursing right back. Their fight lasted about ten minutes, and then Bullfrog stumbled up the stairs to the bedroom, and shut the door. Eli had crawled out of bed and crept downstairs to find his mother sitting on the couch with her head in her hands.

_"Mom?" Eli asked, using the term he only reserved for special occasions, "Are you okay?"_

_ "Yes, baby," Cece pulled her hands from her face, and turned and let a small smile cross her face, "You should be asleep. I am sorry I woke you," she tucked a strand of hair from out of his eyes, "I'm sorry, baby."_

_ "It's okay," Eli jerked away, being at that age where having your mother fix your hair was just not okay, "Mom…are you and Dad getting a divorce?"_

_ "Divorce?" Cece nearly choked on the word, "No, baby. Where in the world did you get such an idea?"_

_ "Shawn said his parents were getting a divorce," Eli explained, "He said they fought and now they are getting a divorce. You and dad fought…does this mean you're getting a divorce too?"_

_ "Oh, baby!" Cece closed her eyes, trying to find the right words, "Sometimes husbands and wives fight. Your dad and I happen to have some pretty bad fights every now and then. But that doesn't mean that we are going to ever get a divorce," Cece reached up to touch his cheek, but set her hand down knowing better._

_ "Baby, Bullfrog and I love each other very much. We fight. But we are not going to end our marriage. Marriage is built on the good times, and the bad. There's going to be bad times, baby. There's going to be fights and anger and cursing but there's never going to be hatred."_

_ "You two do love each other a lot," Eli remembered them making out on the couch in the middle of family movie night the other weekend._

_ "Yes baby, we do," Cece smiled a faraway smile, "I love your father very much. Husbands and wives are funny things, sweetheart. We can be at each other's throats one minute, and the next be passionately making out on the floor of your bedroom…"_

_ "What?"_

_ "Uh…nothing. Forget I said that. What I am trying to say, Eli, is that husbands and wives have very special roles in a marriage. They are to love one another more than they love themselves. They are to put the other one before themselves. A husband is supposed to make his wife feel like a queen. A wife, in turn, is supposed to make her husband feel like a king. There's sacrifice, there's pain, there's love, and there's passion."_

_ "Mom…" Eli rolled his eyes, "This is getting too mushy."_

_ "Well, you need to hear it," Cece said adamantly, "Someday you're going to need to know these things, baby. Might as well be tonight. Your father…he spoils me everyday. You see the flowers he brings me randomly. He'll make dinner for me some nights. He'll help out with the house stuff. He takes me on little trips. He treats me like…like I am the center of his whole world. Like everything starts, and ends, with me. And I treat him like he is the center of my whole world. Everything starts, and ends, with him. I do everything I can for him, and he does everything he can for me."_

_ "Mom…I am never going to get married."_

_ "Sure you will, baby. You're only thirteen, Eli."_

_ "I just know I am not going to ever get married."_

_ "Aw, don't write marriage off just yet, baby. I never thought I'd get married either, until I met your father. And even then, I didn't think I ever would. We were both so young…high school sweethearts. I knew better than to marry my high school sweetheart. So I went off and did my own thing. I went to Washington to work at a record label in Seattle. I moved away and did my own thing for awhile. Then, when my mother passed away, I moved back to Canada to be with my family. Your father was still there…and one day I ran into him…and never left his side after that."_

_ "Mom," Eli gagged, "Stop with the mushy already!"_

_ Cece laughed, "Alright, alright. I'll stop. But remember, baby, love is a powerful thing. It doesn't always make sense. Sometimes it can be quite a pain in the ass. But it's a powerful, beautiful thing."_

Eli rolled his eyes, hating how even as an adult Cece could still get into his head. He didn't want to hear her advice right now, and yet there she was in a memory, giving it to him anyways.

"Hey, Brian? It's me! Um, I am just calling to let you know that I made it safely and that Adam is in surgery right now. Um…he needed a blood transfusion, but Eli was able to give him one. I have a feeling that everything is just going to work out. I really do. Um…I don't know how long I will be here for…but I just want to let you know that I made it here safe and sound and I'll keep in touch. Um…call me when you get this message. Um…" Clare always concluded a phone call by saying that she loved him, but this time was different. Instead, Clare just sighed and said, "Bye, Brian."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in a while. My grandmother has been sick, and needs around the clock care. My grandfather has asked me to sit with her while she is at work, and that's what I have been up to. I am really sorry I haven't updated in a while. I haven't forgotten about you all. All of you are so dear to me. I really hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

Chapter Eleven

Eli dug his phone from his jeans pocket and dialed the number he had in his head as he walked down the hallway. On the fourth ring, a familiar voice answered, and instantly, Eli felt a rush of calmness splash over him.

"Hello?"

"Mom, it's me."

"Baby!" Eli could practically hear his mother smiling into the phone, "How are you sweetheart?"

"Um…not too good, Mom."

"You keep saying 'Mom'" Eli could picture her frowning and her brow creasing with motherly concern, "What's wrong, baby?"

"Adam was attacked last night…"

"What? Eli…oh God!"

"He was beaten…and…" Eli almost couldn't bring himself to say the word, "Raped. He's in a coma now, and has been in and out of surgery all day…"

"_Damn it_," Cece hissed, and Eli could detect the icy anger in her voice, "_Shit, Eli_! Do they know who did this?"

"Police think it was a gang known for hate crimes in the area," Eli explained, "We are all here at the hospital…everyone. Um…Audra, Drew, Bianca, Fiona, Ali," Eli ran a hand through his hair as he said the last name, "Clare."

"Oh," Eli could picture his mother's brow raising, and if the circumstances were any different, she would have made some remark about Clare's being there, "I am glad you all can be there. I know it means a lot to Audra and Drew. Should I do something? Maybe I could bring them a casserole and…"

"You don't make casseroles," Eli reminded her, "Um…just keep Adam in your thoughts is all you can really do right now. I just…I wanted to let you know."

"Thank you for calling, baby. Now, tell me how _you_ are. How are you handling Adam and Clare?"

"_Clare_?" Eli scoffed, trying to pretend he hadn't the least idea as to why his mother would ask about his handling of Clare being there.

"Yes," Cece pressed, "I know it's a lot on your plate right now. Maybe you should take a pill tonight…"

"Mom, you know I haven't needed my meds for five years," Eli protested, "I have been great without them. I actually feel…something. I feel _alive_. Those pills…they made me skate through without having to feel anything. I'd rather feel the bad emotions along with the good emotions than nothing at all. And I haven't had an episode in quite a while," Eli reminded her, "I _don't_ need them."

"Are you sure?" Cece asked, "I just want you to be safe, you know that – right, baby?"

"Yeah, Mom."

"Don't go crash any cars on me, alright?"

"_Mom_!"

"Well…"

"Can we _not_ talk about that?" Eli leaned against the sterile-white wall, "Anyway, I've been good, until yesterday. Mom…the doctors aren't sure if he will come out of the coma. I just…I don't know what to do. I feel so…helpless. I am his friend, Ma. I am supposed to fight for him and protect him. I…"

"Baby, you can't beat yourself up about this, alright?" Cece asked, "There wasn't anything anyone could do. It happened. The only thing you can do now is to keep him in your thoughts, and be there for him and for his family. I am really glad that everyone is there. That's very nice of everyone to come together."

"Yeah," Eli agreed, "It's weird…seeing them all again."

"I can imagine. How is she, Eli?"

"Who?"

"Eli, your father and I raised a smartass, not a dumbass."

Eli rolled his eyes and gave into his mother's question, "She's doing alright. She's really upset about his whole thing too. We actually had a really good talk…without any cussing or me getting slapped."

Cece let out a small chuckle, "Well that's good. Eli…she's a sweet girl."

"_Damn it,_" Eli rolled his head back against the wall, "_Ma_…"

"I know you're smiling right now – fighting it, but smiling nonetheless. You _know_ she's a sweet girl."

"Ma, stop. She's _married_."

"Alright, alright," Cece decided not to tease her son too much, "Keep me posted, Eli. I mean it – call me as soon as you all find anything out. I'll send Audra a fruit bouquet."

"A fuit bouquet?" Eli gagged, "Cece, what the hell is Audra going to do with a fruit bouquet?"

"Shut up, it's something I can do, alright?"

"Alright. I'll call you as soon as we know anything."

"Good. I love you, baby."

"Cece…"

"Say it."

"Ma…I'm twenty-eight years old."

"Never too old to tell your mom you love her."

"Fine," Eli surrendered, "I love you too, Mom."

After hanging up the phone, Eli returned the waiting room. Audra had decided that she would stay at the hospital a bit longer, but insisted that the others head home. It was starting to get late, and she wanted to make sure everyone had some time to get some rest and settle in before the next morning.

"We all just need some time to rest and regroup," Audra explained, "It isn't good for you all to be here late anyway. Why don't you all head back to the house or your hotels and get some good rest. Tomorrow is another day."

"Are you sure?" Bianca asked, "We would be fine with staying with you…"

"It's fine, honey. Really. I need to place a few more calls, and I want to stop by the police station this evening. You guys should all just spend the evening relaxing and trying to get some rest. Maybe all of you can do something fun. Now that you're all old and wrinkly, I guess I can't yell at you for going to the any bars or drinking."

"Who are you calling old and wrinkly?" Drew allowed a small smile to cross his face before growing serious, "I don't know how I feel about having a good time with Adam going through what all he's going through."

"Adam is inebriated on pain killers," Fiona reminded him, "Maybe we should get a little inebriated ourselves."

"I could go for a good scotch," Eli nodded.

"Why don't we all go out for a round of drinks," Ali suggested, "We can just talk and catch up. It'll be nice."

"Adam would want us to go have fun now that we're all back together," Clare agreed, "I mean…he wouldn't want us to just sit around here. He'd want us to be out having fun and catching up with one another. Right?"

"Yeah," Eli agreed, "I mean, when was the last time we all hung out?"

Fiona nodded, "We have always been there for each other," she reminded the group, "So let's be there for each other now. Let's go out and have a few drinks and just catch up. I'd love to hear where everyone is and what all everyone has been up to."

The group eventually all agreed, and it was decided that they would all drive to _The Spin Man_ – a local pub that had opened up a few years ago, and one that Eli swore by. After everyone gave Audra a hug goodbye, they headed out to their cars.

"Drive with me?" Ali suggested to Clare.

"Sure thing!" Clare followed Ali to the Mercedes and climbed inside.

"So how did the talk with Brian go?" Ali asked her.

"Oh…he didn't pick up. Ali, I really think when I get back to New York, I am going to speak to that lawyer. Brian has denied me so much in our relationship. And the worst is, he's denied me being able to come and visit Toronto. Toronto is such a big part of me," Clare tucked a curl behind her ear, "I just don't understand how I could have gone so long without visiting again. This is my home."

"Is NYU _really_ that great?" Ali asked as she backed the car out of the parking lot.

"Yeah," Clare admitted, "It is. But that's the good thing about home – you can always come home. You can always come visit. I'll definitely be doing more of that now that I won't have Brian telling me that I can't."

"Good. Now you can get it on with…"

"_Ali_!"

"What?" Ali shrugged as the Mercedes found itself on the highway.

Clare rolled her eyes, "I am _not_ going to '_get it on_' with anyone – much less, _Eli_!"

"And what is wrong with Mr. Goldsworthy?" Ali raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, "Besides the fact that he's a tad too pasty."

"Eli is not pasty!"

Ali smirked, "My point exactly. Girl, you are still _totally_ into him!"

"I am not into him," Clare objected, "Now then, if we could _please_ just drop the subject…"

Ali smiled, but surrendered. She decided not to push the subject any further. Maybe Clare and Eli would just figure it out on their own and she wouldn't have to push. Ali chuckled to herself – yeah, right. Like Eli and Clare could ever figure out anything on their own.

After driving for a few more miles, the Mercedes pulled into the driveway of the pub. The pub was an average-sized brick building with black awning. On the awning were the words, "The Spin Man Pub."

"Have you ever been here before?" Clare asked Ali.

"No," Ali parked the car, "But I've heard it's good. Spinner and Emma Mason own and run it and it's been featured in several local newspapers and magazines. It's supposed to be pretty famous around here."

"Wow," Clare was impressed, "Good for them."

"Yeah," Ali plopped her keys into her huge bag, "Let's go make the most of this night, alright?"

"Sounds good to me," Clare stepped out onto the pavement and could already smell the food being fried up inside, "Yum!"

Ali grinned and together they linked elbows as they walked inside.

"Now don't get too hammered and whisk her off and ravish her in the backseat of your car…"

"_Fi_!"

"What?" Fiona chuckled.

"_Never_ use the word 'ravish' again," Eli made a face, "And I am _not_ going to whisk her off to do anything. Now, I can't make any promises about getting hammered..."

"Why not?"

"Because I am in desperate need of the best scotch money can..."

"Not that," Fiona rolled his eyes, "I meant: why don't you and Clare just get it on already?"

"_Fi_!"

"What?"

"She's _married_, Fi!"

"_Unhappily_ married," Fiona reminded him as they made their way towards the doors of the pub.

"Married is married," Eli persisted, then said, "You're buying me a scotch because you're just so wonderful, right?" He shot her a look that very closely resembled a puppy-dog.

"Fine," Fiona gave in, "Maybe once I get you drunk enough, you'll admit you have feelings for Clare."

"Feelings of loathing."

"That right there," Fiona pointed at him, "That whole little immature bratty remark is a _total_ and _complete_ farce and I can see right through it."

"Hey," Eli shot her a look, "Who are you calling immature and bratty?"

Fiona chuckled and together, they linked elbows as they walked inside.

"It's fine," Bianca tried to assure him, "Adam would want us to have a good time."

"It just doesn't feel right…having a good time without him."

"Oh hush. Do not make me go all cheese-ball on you and tell you that he's with you in your heart."

Drew grimaced, "_Yuck_. Yeah, never say something that cheesy ever again."

"Come on," Bianca hopped out of the car, "Let's go meet everyone else inside and have a fun night."

"Alright," Drew followed her up to the doors of the pub, "For Adam?"

"For Adam."


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Oh my gosh! Y'all don't know how GOOD it feels to finally be sitting down at my dinosaur of a laptop (his name is T-Rex) and updating this story! Even though I haven't been updating regularly, I think about my stories and plots often, and my readers as well. My grandmother is doing a lot better – I go over every morning and help her with her hair and makeup. She always took such good care of me when I was younger, and now it's my turn to do the same for her. Well, it's a lovely day to be writing. My fiancé has the car for the day, and I'm home enjoying a wonderful rain/thunderstorm as I write. It's glorious! Anyways, thank you all for sticking with me and with this story. You guys are all terrific!**

Chapter Twelve

The Spin-Man was pretty packed, but the group was able to find a table off to the side up against the dark, red brick wall. A skinny waitress in a plaid skirt approached to take their drink order. Clare mulled over the menu, not really having a clue what to order. She was never a big drinker, and drink menus were always like a foreign language to her.

"I think I need a minute," Clare said, her voice almost pleading, "I just have no idea what to order."

Eli glanced at the menu in his hands, and said to the woman sitting across from him, "I think you'd like the Apricot Ale."

"What?" Clare glanced up at Eli, her brow furrowed, "I don't even like beer!"

"You'd like that," Eli said determinedly; he turned the waitress and said, "She'll have that."

"Alrighty then," the waitress scribbled the order down in her little notepad, "What else will you all be having?"

"I'll have a glass of your Glenmorangie, twenty year," Eli ordered and turned to Fiona, "Thanks."

"You ordered the most expensive drink here," Fiona protested.

"You can afford it," Eli replied, smugly.

Fiona rolled her eyes and ordered a nice glass of wine for herself and for Ali. When the rest of the drink orders were placed, Fiona decided to order the group a round of the fried truffle macaroni and cheese.

"So," she said, once the waitress had retreated with their order, "Let's go around and talk about ourselves – where we are in life and what we have going on. We need to catch up, and this will be a good way to break the ice."

"This sounds so lame," Eli rolled his eyes, "Like those dumb games they'd make us play in elementary school."

"Hush," Fiona brushed him off with a wave of her hand, "I think we all just need to catch up and get to know each other again. Who wants to go first?"

"I guess I will," Bianca volunteered, "Um, as everyone knows…Drew and I got married the week after graduation. We just…we rushed into it and it didn't last. After the divorce, I moved to LA and I work in an inner city school as a counselor. It's a tough job. Like…there was this one girl…she was thirteen and she was pregnant with her second baby."

"Goodness," Clare shook her head, not being able to imagine being a Mom at thirteen. At thirteen, her biggest concern was if her glasses made her look too dorky.

"And the father of both her babies is her father."

"God," Ali winced; Fiona shook her head; Eli gagged on the bread he was currently attempting to take a bite of.

"It's a tough job," Bianca grabbed a slice of bread from the basket, "But someone has to do it. Audra was there for me when no one else was. Now it is my turn to do the same for these kids. I need to be there for them. It's not easy, but it's necessarily and I find myself getting such joy out of helping these kids."

"Good for you," Fiona smiled warmly at Bianca, "That's really special."

"Who's next?" Bianca glanced around the table.

"I'll go," Ali suggested, "I work at Neiman Marcus as a fashion consultant in the women's department. It's an amazing job. I love Neiman's. I always have. It's got that old-school feel to it. I can picture women walking around in slinky dresses with cigarette holders. There's an old fashioned elegance about Neiman's. I just…it's so much fun. And I make bank," Ali giggled, "Next?"

"I guess I'll volunteer," Drew shrugged, "I work at the local newspaper working in the sports section. I love it. Sometimes the paper pays for me to fly out to different games. I played football a bit in college, but decided I wanted to make sports a lifelong career. Football isn't a lifelong career. People get injured and you can only really make a career out of it for about twenty years if you're lucky."

"And if you're Brett Farve," Bianca smirked as she spread some butter on her bread.

"Yeah," Drew glanced at his ex-wife, surprised that she remembered some of the sport he would always drone on and on about, "So I decided to major in Sports Journalism. I got an internship with the paper when I was a junior, and they hired me right after graduation. I get to travel and write, and it's a lot of fun. I just…I get busy with my job sometimes. It keeps me away from being with my family…which I am regretting now."

"You and Adam still did stuff," Eli reminded him, "You guys took that road trip last year."

"I just…I think I should have done more. I should have spent more time with him. Sometimes I think I just…I could have been there for him more."

Bianca placed a hand on Drew's, and said, "Adam loves you very much. You two spent a lot of time together, and have tons of great memories. When he gets out of the hospital, you two can make even more memories."

Drew's heartbeat quickened at her touch, though he tried not to show it, "I hope you're right, Bi."

The group continued to talk about where they were in life, and what all they were up to. Clare talked about how to she was an English professor at NYU, and how she had gotten her Doctorate earlier than most. She shared how she was unhappy with her marriage, and how controlling Brian had been. She tried to ignore Eli ripping up his slice of bread as she mentioned the divorce lawyer, and hoping to get things settled quickly.

Fiona talked about her work, and how she loved to travel and visit her mother and Declan. She mentioned how she tried to visit Paris at least once a year, and New York every few months. She suggested to Clare that the next time she flew to New York, the two would have to get together for brunch – Tavern on the Green, her treat. Eli was the last to share, and he mentioned working at Degrassi as the drama teacher. He also mentioned the fact that he was the proctor of the journalism club, and the fact that he worked as a writer and director at the community theater.

After everyone had had their turn, the waitress brought out the drink orders. Clare was still apprehensive about the drink Eli had ordered for her. She had never even heard of Apricot Ale, and she hated the taste of beer; but Eli had said she would like it, so she decided to give it a try. When the waitress put the tall, chilled glass in front of her, she could instantly smell the citrus.

"Try it," Eli said, his voice a little on the commanding side.

"I don't know," Clare tilted her head, and glanced apprehensively at the drink in front of her, "I don't like beer, Eli…"

"I know. But you'll like this. Quit staring at it like it's rocket science, and try it!"

Clare gave in, and took a sip. To her surprise, she liked it…a lot. The beer was a light ale, with a hint of citrus and a smooth taste. She took another sip, and allowed a small smile to break through.

"What'd I tell you?" Eli smirked that classic smirk of his, "I know you, Edwards."

Clare rolled her eyes, "Alright, you were right," she confessed, "I do like it. What'd you get?"

"Scotch," Eli explained, "A Man's Drink."

"Please," Fiona rolled her eyes, "As if girls can't drink scotch."

"They can't," Eli smirked again, taking a sip from the small glass as the ice clanked inside.

"Of course we can," Fiona objected, "I just prefer a nice red wine."

Clare's hand flew across the table and landed on the glass in front of Eli, "Here," she said, snagging the drink, "I'll prove it to you."

"Hey," Eli protested as he made a failed attempt to stop her from grabbing his glass.

"I'll prove to you that girls can drink scotch."

Eli rolled his eyes, "You're making a scene. You're not even going to like it, so you're just wasting your time…and _my scotch._"

Clare ignored him and took a sip of the drink. She was instantly overpowered by the smoky, malted-caramel taste. She forced herself to swallow, and said, "There."

"But you didn't like it."

"I did too."

"You guys are so immature," Ali rolled her eyes towards the ceiling, "We have more pressing things to discuss…like what we're going to order to eat!"

"That appetizer should be out soon," Fiona reminded her, "But yeah, I'm starving."

Everyone's eyes fell to their menus, except for Clare's and Eli's. They started intently at each other, as if in the middle of daring each other to do something. What that something was, neither knew. Clare finally blushed and turned to her menu, and Eli gave in and glanced to his as well.

A few moments later, the waitress returned with a big bowl of steaming balls of fried truffle macaroni and several plates and spoons. After distributing the plates, she asked if everyone was ready to place their orders. They were. Burgers were the main choice of mostly everyone, but Fiona and Ali chose to stick with chicken salads. After the waitress left, Bianca made a back-to-reality announcement.

"My boss is only letting me have a few days off from work," she reminded the group, "I'll have to get back to LA soon."

"It's my summer break," Clare explained, "I can stay as long as I can, but I can't afford a hotel for too many nights right now."

"And I work pretty much off commission," Ali wrung her hands, "And I need the hours."

"We all are so caught up with Adam and seeing each other again, but we have lives that can't just be put on hold," Fiona nodded in agreement, "As much as I wish we could all just drop everything and stay until Adam wakes up, that's not reasonable."

"You're right," Eli agreed, "I am supposed to be working on a new play that's set to open in two months. I just…with everything that's happened…I felt like there was this big pause button."

"I wish there was," Drew put his napkin in his lap, "Everyone has traveled to come see Adam. It isn't realistic to ask that you all put your careers on hold, and shell out the money for hotel expenses. You have to get back to life. We all do."

"I just wish we all had more time," Fiona stared down at her plate of macaroni, "We haven't seen each other in years, and…I just…we shouldn't have waited until something like this to see each other again."

"I really enjoyed seeing everyone again," Ali picked at the food on her plate, "I just wish we had more time."

"If anything happens, I'll be on a plane as soon as possible," Bianca assured the group, "I promise."

"Me too," Clare chimed in.

"I'm just a few hours away," Ali reminded them.

The mood at the table suddenly quieted down. Everyone picked at their macaroni, and no one really had much to say. No one wanted to leave. Bianca shoveled a bite of the pasta into her mouth, and shyly cast a glance towards Drew. They were just talking again. She couldn't possibly leave now.

Ali picked at the food on her plate, and tried not to think too much about Clare having to leave again. When would she see her again? It had been way too long, and Ali didn't want to go through that again. It was difficult for her to make friends with girls. Clare had always been her best friend. Sure, they had had their moments, but deep down, they were best friends. Ali didn't want to lose that again.

Eli took a sip of his scotch that Clare had handed back to him. She had just come back into his life, and now she was leaving again. He knew better than to get too attached to her being around again. He knew it'd be dangerous, but he did it anyway. He didn't want her to leave.

"Um…I'm going to get some air. I have a bit of a headache," Eli pushed his chair back from the table.

"Are you okay?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah, I just need to get some fresh air. Uh…Clare," his eyes fell onto the redhead pushing pasta around on her plate, "Come with?"

"Oh…uh…sure," Clare turned to Ali who raised an eyebrow, "I'll be right back."

They walked in silence out to the front of the restaurant. When they were outside, Eli turned to Clare and said, "I've handled this whole thing pretty well, I think."

"You have," Clare agreed, "I'm impressed."

"Well…" Eli's eyes fell to his scuffed sneakers, and he reminded Clare of his seventeen-year-old self again, "…I think I've been okay with everyone being here with me. When you all leave…I don't know how I will handle everything."

Clare nodded and followed him over to the park bench by the doors, "Well you still have Fiona and Drew here. Ali is just a few hours away, and Bianca and I can easily fly out here if anything happens."

"I know," Eli sunk down into the bench, and ran a hand through his hair, "I just…I don't know."

"Don't know what?" Clare sat down gently next to him.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do when you leave."

Clare's eyes widened, and Eli was quick to correct himself, "What I mean is…when _you all_…when you all leave."

"Oh. Well, I am sure it'll be fine," Clare tried to me assuring, "I mean, if you ever need anything…all of us are just a phone call away."

"A phone call and miles away," Eli kicked his shoe over a pebble, "Having you all here…it's made this whole thing easier. I felt like I could handle it better if you all were handling it with me."

"I get it," Clare looked up at him and Eli tried to scoop up the puddle his heart had just melted into at the sight of her blue eyes, "It must be awfully lonely having Bipolar."

Eli stared at her, puzzled that she had completely put to words everything he had been feeling for the last ten years, "It is. Not too many people get that."

"It's like…you have to work so hard when everyone else doesn't," Clare cast her eyes down to his hands, and tried to ignore the fact that she wanted to hold them, "And you've done so well…but each day is still a battle."

"A battle in a war that won't end," Eli sighed, "I'm getting better though. I have been off my meds for five years."

"_Seriously_?" Clare's eyes widened, "Eli!"

"Yeah, I just…I feel _good_ without them. I haven't done anything stupid in a long time, Clare. I just…I've gotten better about my emotions. I can control them better. Adam…Adam helped me so much. He'd kind of sort me out when I'd feel a bit manic. And with work…I have something to do that I'm passionate about. Throwing myself into my friendships and my work…it makes the bad stuff seem not so…important. Ya know? Like…I would go off on anything. Now, I just realize that there's more important things than going completely bat-shit insane over some things that are so trivial."

"That's great, Eli!" Clare did it. She placed her hand over his, and he didn't even jerk away. Instead, he just raised his eyes to meet hers, and they had no anger, or protest. Just a little bit of puzzlement mixed with…relief?

"I am so proud of you!" Clare gave his hand a gentle squeeze, "That's great!"

"I just…I'm scared," Eli ran his thumb across her hand, "I am scared that once everyone leaves…I'll be stuck alone with my emotions. I'm scared I'll do something stupid."

"Eli," Clare met his eyes again, "You've come so far. I think you'll be okay. If you ever need anything, you have my phone number. You can call any time – day or night. I promise, I'm not going to hang up on you."

"Thanks," it was Eli's turn to give her hand a squeeze, "That means a lot."

"Of course. I've always been here for you."

"Same here," Eli stared at his sneakers again, "Why don't we get back and see if our food's come yet…before Ali and Fiona get to thinking that we're doing something horribly inappropriate in the backseat of my car."

"Yeah," Clare agreed, "We wouldn't want that."

"Not at all. They'd never let us forget if we did."

"Don't even think about it," Clare wagged her finger at him, "Don't even talk about that like it's even a remote possibility. You and I are…"

"…oh, we are so…"

"…Exactly!"

"See, we don't even need to discuss it further. I don't know if I should be flattered that you can still read my mind, or really, really, really creeped out," Eli smirked.

"You can still read mine," Clare tucked a curl behind her ear, "Like with that beer."

"I still know you, Edwards."

"So you think," Clare tried her hardest to look suspicious, earning herself a smile from Eli.

"I do. I know you pretty well."

"Is that so?"

"Yup. Like for instance…I know you're dying for me to invite you to the backseat of my car to have a ravenous make-out session."

"_Ha-ha_," Clare rolled her eyes, "_Very funny_. Let's get back inside and see if our food's here…"

"Yeah, before Fiona and Ali send out a search party," Eli stood from the bench and offered Clare his elbow. Together, they linked arms, and headed back into the restaurant.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Well you two were gone an awfully long time," Fiona smiled a tight smile as Clare and Eli awkwardly slid back into their seats.

"It's called having a conversation, Fi," Eli explained, "They tend to last longer than five seconds…if they're worth having."

"Ali, what are you doing?" Clare asked, jerking away from her friend's hand lifting up some of the hair from her shoulders.

"Looking?"

"For what?" Clare readjusted her hair to frame her shoulders.

"Any evidence."

"Evidence of _what_?"

"Hickies."

"Oh lord," Clare rolled her eyes and Eli simply smirked.

As if right on time, the waitress reappeared with a tray filled with food for the group. Everyone gladly accepted their plates, and began to dig in. As Clare bit into her hamburger, she couldn't help but think back to her conversation with Eli. Everything must be so frightening for him, and to be so alone…she tried not to think too much on it. Eli would be fine, right? Adam would be fine, and they would all be fine.

"I will stay today and tomorrow," Bianca announced, "But then I have to get back."

"I need to get home too," Ali admitted, "I can probably stay throughout the next two days too, but then I really need to head back. But I am just a few hours away. I can easily make the drive if there's any change in Adam's condition."

"What about you?" Eli popped a French fry in his mouth and raised an eyebrow at Clare.

"Oh, I haven't thought much on it," she admitted, "I can't keep shelling out the money for the hotel expenses, but I don't really have anything pulling me back to NYC. I could stay for about a week…but I just don't have the money."

"If you had a place to stay, would you?"

"I don't know," Clare tried to fight the blush on her cheeks, "I suppose."

She knew Eli wasn't asking for her own benefit. He was lonely and scared and wanted someone here with him. That was the only reasons he would even ask such a thing, right? But Fiona was here. Why did he need her if Fiona was there? Clare's head spun, and she mentally cursed Eli for giving her a headache.

"Maybe you can stay with me," Eli shrugged, "I mean, if you wanted to stay longer. I don't want you to have to pay for a hotel but you…you were pretty close to Adam too. It'd be nice if you were here."

"Yeah," Clare agreed, "Um…I'll have to let Brian know…I just…I don't have much. I didn't pack for a long trip…"

Eli's eyes met hers, and in that commanding voice of his that could make her knees wobble, "Stay."

"Eli…"

"_Stay_."

"Oooh," Ali's eyes widened, "If I didn't know better, I'd say someone really wanted you to stay."

"Ali," Eli turned to her and shook his head, "No. Just…"

"Just what?"

"Nothing," Eli knew better than to tell Ali to mind her own business, "Just think about it. I mean, my place isn't _that_ bad. I have a home theater set up better than any hotel TV…"

"Well who could turn that down," Clare let a small smile light her face, "Alright. I'll think about it. I mean, I do have the summer off…"

"You should stay," Bianca encouraged, "I mean, I'd stay if I could. It's just with work…but I really do wish I could stay. It feels like I need to be here, you know?"

Drew looked towards his ex-wife, and under the table grasped on to her hand, "I wish you could stay, but I am glad you could be here. All of you," he said as he squeezed Bianca's hand.

The rest of the dinner was eaten in silence. Everyone had one thought on their mind – Adam. They should stay. It would be the right thing to do – but the world seemed to have other plans. They had jobs and families and real life. This wasn't high school anymore. There were responsibilities. Life couldn't just be put on hold.

Clare nibbled on her burger and thought about what Eli had suggested. She could stay with him, she supposed. She could stay with him for a bit longer, but the very prospect terrified her. Staying with Eli…at his place…Clare's heart began to pound heavily in her chest. She knew she should be there. Adam needed her to be there; and Eli…Eli desperately needed her to be there. But why? Why couldn't he just make do with Fiona…they were, after all, best friends. What was the big deal about Clare specifically being there?

Bianca dipped her French fry into some mayonnaise – her favorite way to eat French fries (she hated ketchup) and tried not to think too much about how it broke her heart to leave. After the divorce, she never wanted to come back to Canada. She never wanted to see Drew again. She was done. Now, the thought of having to leave was killing her. Sure, she and Drew had their issues, but they had been married once. The Torres family had been her family since way before the wedding. She felt as though she needed to be here, like this was where she belonged.

Drew and Audra…they needed her. And she needed them. Bianca was suddenly feeling as though she had made some sort of terrible mistake. Her own family had been real pieces of work. When the Torres' accepted her into their family, Bianca finally felt like she belonged. But now…now she had moved away from the one family that had ever loved or cared for her, and now when they needed her…she couldn't be there.

"I think I need to go for a walk," Bianca excused herself from the table, grabbed her purse, and headed towards the doors of the pub.

"What is with everyone and walks tonight?" Ali tried to lighten the mood, but her comment fell flat.

"Maybe _someone_ should go check on her," Clare turned to Drew, "What do you think?"

"Subtlety isn't a strong suit of yours, is it?" A smile crossed Drew's face.

"Nope," Eli chuckled, "Like for instance, when she likes someone, she'll just kiss them."

"Oh!" Clare turned to Eli, a look of mock-horror on her face, "That is _totally_ inappropriate!"

Eli's chuckle broke out into a grin, "Well, I seem to recall that happening once…"

"I don't care if you recall it happening or not," Clare tried not to smile; she really didn't want to smile, "The point is that bringing that up is totally not an appropriate topic for discussion."

"I'm going to go check on Bi," Drew chuckled and excused himself from the table.

"I'm right," Eli said determinedly.

"Alright," Clare admitted, "I kissed you after a day of flirting and bantering because I was falling for you again and just kissing you seemed, at the time, easier than standing there in the cold pouring out all those complicated feelings I didn't want to put into words. That was eleven years ago, Elijah Goldsworthy, and has nothing to do with anything right now."

"It had to do with your impulsive lack of subtlety."

"_Impulsive_?" Clare let out a dry laugh, "I am not the one with bipolar disorder…oh God," Clare winced, "Eli…I am…"

"Wow," Ali raised her eyebrows and shot Fiona a look, "Drama, drama, drama."

"What'd you expect when you put Degrassi alumnus back together?" Fiona grabbed her purse, "Uh, Ali, I think I have to run to the restroom."

"I'm right with you!"

Ali grabbed her bag and followed Fiona towards the restroom, leaving Clare and Eli to sit awkwardly alone at the table. Eli placed a hand on the nape of his neck, a habit of his when he was upset. Clare twisted a curl around her index finger, and tried to put to words what she desperately wanted to say.

"Eli…" Clare began, "I…I didn't…"

"No," Eli interrupted, "I shouldn't have brought up old stuff like that."

"What's the fun of seeing each other again if we can't discuss that old stuff?" Clare asked, "I mean…who says we can't look back on those memories and laugh? I overreacted. It's just…I didn't think it was very appropriate to discuss, but you know – why can't we? Why can't we just look back on those moments and laugh?"

"Because not all of them are laughable."

"Like when you crashed Morty. Poor Morty."

"Hey, I don't want to talk about that."

"Well guess what, Eli, we are. We need to. You and I need to. You really scared me, Eli."

"I scare myself. But I am better. I just…that's the reason I want you to stay a bit longer. Fiona, she's amazing, but she just doesn't really get it like you do. You know me better than anyone else, Clare Edwards. When I'm around you, I feel like you just…you get it. I'm not so lonely when you're here. I feel like you just…you understand."

Clare tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, "Eli…I don't know what to say."

"We've had a lot of history, Clare. And I get that that's all in the past. But I just…I feel like you understand what I go through. You get it. You don't get impatient with me, and you just seem to comprehend how difficult every day is for me. I am selfish, Clare Edwards. I am so selfish in that I can't face this whole thing with Adam alone. I am so selfish in that I am asking for you not to go home right now. I am so selfish in asking you to stay here with me just for a while. I just…I need someone that understands, Clare."

"Eli…what you go through…I can't even begin to understand. I am so proud that you are getting better, and doing better. You don't need your meds, and that's fantastic! You are becoming so strong. You were already so strong, but now…you've really overcome this. You don't need me, Eli…"

"Edwards, don't tell me what I need and what I don't need," Eli said firmly, "What I need is you," he quickly added, "You, here with me as I go through all of this. I mean…I just…I am selfish. I want someone here that understands me."

"Eli, people change in ten years. What makes you think that I can still understand you?"

"I haven't changed, Clare. I'm still Eli. I'm still me. And I know that you're still you. I know it's only been a day, but I guess we're just…we're close, Clare. We are. You might not want to admit that…"

"But we are," Clare agreed, "We are close. Do you think two people can just pick up and be friends again after ten years? Is that even possible?"

"It depends on the two people," Eli shoved some fries around on his plate.

"I want to stay, Eli. I do. But…I'm scared."

"Of me?"

"Of me," Clare began to study the cracks in the wooden table, unable to meet his eyes, "I don't want to screw anything up."

"Clare, I'm just asking for you stay with me for a few extra days. I'm not asking you to marry me."

They both blushed at that comment, and Eli quickly said, "Just please…please stay for a bit longer, Clare."

"Fine," Clare gave in, "Once Ali leaves to head back home, you can come pick me up from the hotel. I want to have some time with her, but when she goes, I'll come stay with you."

"Thank you, Clare."

Clare smiled sweetly at him as her hand snaked over and grabbed hold of his glass of scotch.

"Hey!"

"What?" Clare asked sweetly as she took a sip.

Bianca was leaning against Drew's sports car when he found her. It was cooling down outside, and she had her sweater tightly wrapped around her. She looked as though she was freezing, and Drew's heart immediately went out to her.

"Bianca, what the hell are you doing out here?" Drew called to her as he made his way over to the car.

"I just needed some air."

"Talk to me, Bi," Drew's voice was softly commanding as he swung an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer to him, "Please, talk to me."

"Drew…when I left…I never wanted to come back. I felt like I was doing away with all these memories, and I realize that was a mistake. We shouldn't have married so young. I don't exactly regret it, Drew. I just…I think I was so anxious to do away with the bad memories, that I wanted to do away with the good memories too."

"I get it," Drew ran a hand through his hair, "When you left, I was so happy…for about a day. I thought I could just erase everything, but it wasn't that simple, huh?"

"And now I know I don't want to erase anything," Bianca rested her head on his shoulder, "I don't regret anything, Drew…except leaving. We didn't work as husband and wife, but your family meant the world to me. I just…I realize now that leaving was a mistake. I shouldn't have left, Drew. Divorcing you didn't mean I had to leave the country," Bianca let out a small laugh, "I just…I should have stayed. This is where I belong."

"But you love your job," Drew reminded her.

"Yes, but there's kids here that need help too," Bianca reminded him, "I just…I want to come home."

"No one ever said you never could."

"It's just…I'm so attached to Los Angeles right now. I am dealing with a case worker right now about that girl I mentioned and I need to get that sorted out. But maybe after I work on that, and let my bosses know…maybe I can consider moving back."

"Is that what you want?" Drew asked her.

"Yeah," Bianca admitted, "Drew, you and I have a lot of history. Your family has always been my family. I just…I shouldn't have left. You all need me here."

"I am sorry we didn't work out, Bi," Drew gave her a small squeeze, "I am."

"I was so scared of seeing you again," Bianca admitted, "But I am glad we can just pick up as friends. That means a lot to me."

"Me too. Again, I'm sorry for the pain and…"

"Drew," Bianca looked up at him, and Drew felt as though they were seventeen again, "Shut up," she said with a smile, "I am just glad we can be friends again."

"You're my family, Bianca. You always will be. And you can always – _always_ – come home."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"So, what did you two talk about tonight alone?" Ali asked, wagging her eyebrows up and down as she and Clare sat cross-legged on the king-sized bed in Ali's room.

"Ali," Clare rolled her eyes, "When are you going to drop the subject of Eli and me?"

"When you two stop giving me reason to talk about you," Ali grinned, "Spill, Clare."

"We just talked about how he's doing. He's a lot better, Ali. He's even off his meds. He is just worried about Adam right now and…well…he told me that I am the only one that really can understand him. He told me that he wants me to stay because he doesn't want to feel quite so alone."

"Wow," Ali dipped her fork into the slice of pecan turtle cheesecake they had gotten to go from the restaurant, "So when are the two of you going to…_you know_!"

"Ali, why do you think Eli and I are going to do anything of the sort?" Clare popped a bite of cheesecake into her mouth, "He's just a…a friend. Yeah, we're friends, right?"

Ali rolled her eyes, "So are you going to stay with him for a few days?"

"I don't know yet," Clare stared at the cheesecake, not wanting to meet Ali's eyes, "It'd be nice to stay here. I don't want to leave yet. And you could come back on the weekends maybe…and it would get me away from Brian for a bit. I could maybe call the law office while I am here."

"You two are still cute," Ali grinned, "He was staring at you a _lot_ at dinner tonight."

"He was sitting right across from me," Clare reminded her, "I was in his line of sight. It was completely out of his control if he happened to see me or not…"

"He'd look at you and smile," Ali took another bite, "You can try to deny it all you want, Clare. But there is something there with the two of you that I don't think ever went away."

Clare stared down at the three carat diamond on her finger, and twisted the ring around her knuckle, "Funny, I used to love this thing," she smiled down at the diamond, "Now it just feels like a heavy shackle."

"When did things get so bad between you and Brian?" Ali asked.

"Not long after the wedding. It was little things at first – me wanting to watch a special on Jane Austen instead of the six o'clock news; that not being okay with him. Things like that. Then it got a lot worse. I wanted to come back to visit, but he always made excuses as to why we couldn't. We could go on whatever vacations he wanted, but when it came to being something I wanted…it just didn't matter."

Clare took another bite of cheesecake, "I just feel like I am serving a prison sentence as opposed to being married," she admitted, "I want to be happy. It's like I said earlier…I was physically and emotionally exhausted after everything I went through with Eli. I was just…I was drained. I wanted something simple and comfortable. Now I realize that was a mistake. I'd much rather have the fights and the drama and the arguments and the staying up late if it meant all the good stuff. I want to have fun again, Ali. I want to be happy again."

Ali felt so sorry for Clare. She had no idea how hard it was to live with someone like Brian, and she instantly sympathized with her best friend, "I am so sorry, Clare," Ali shook her head, "I can't even begin to imagine…why don't you take that ring off."

Clare looked down at the diamond again, "It even sparkles in florescent lights," she laughed a dry, inhumerous laugh, "I will, I just…I want to wear it a bit longer. I like the diamond. That's the only reason."

Ali shrugged, "Suit yourself. So I was thinking we could head over to the hospital tomorrow morning about ten, if that's not too early for you."

"Ali, I am a professor," Clare reminded her, "If I can sleep in past five in the morning, I'm a happy camper."

The next morning the girls awoke; got dressed, and did their hair and makeup; and went downstairs for the complimentary breakfast before making their way back over to the hospital. There hadn't been any late-night phone calls, and Ali and Clare decided to take that as a good sign.

"No news is good news, right?" Ali asked as she put the Mercedes in drive.

"I hope so."

The Mercedes pulled into a parking spot, and two headed up to the waiting room. Clare glanced down at the ring on her finger again. It really was a beautiful ring. When Brian had first given it to her, it had made her feel like the most special person in the whole world. She had never imagined she would have something so beautiful. Now, the beauty seemed to have faded over the years. Now, it felt like a rock on her finger, weighing her down and tying her to someone she didn't even love, and who didn't even love her.

Why had she gone and married Brian? Why did she have to settle for him? Eli, that's why. Eli had been so…draining. Clare needed a break. She didn't want the up and down and sideways and backwards that had come along with Eli. She wanted comfortable and bland. Now her life was too bland – too bland that it was miserable.

She missed the way it had been with Eli. She needed someone like that again – someone she could have fun with. She was still young. Clare sighed – she wasn't even divorced yet and here she was already mulling over what it would be like to be single again. Suddenly she remembered she still needed to call Brian and let him know that she would be staying for a bit longer than anticipated. Then again, she needed to let him know that she was planning on leaving him as well. She was dreading both.

When they arrived at the waiting room, Audra, Drew, and Bianca were already there. Audra explained that they still didn't know much, but the surgeries had all seemed to have gone well, and all that was left for anyone to do, would be to wait.

"If you want to head back today," Audra explained, "that's fine."

"Yeah," Drew agreed with his mom, "There isn't a whole lot we can do other than wait around, and you all have lives to get back to. If there is any change in Adam's condition, we will let you know as soon as possible."

"Clare," Ali turned to her friend, "What do you think I should do?"

"Well, I am staying with Eli so…if you want to go home, you can."

"And I'll come up on Saturday to see everyone," Ali was mulling the idea over in her head, "I guess I could head home today. Bianca, what are you going to do?"

"I think I might stay and head back tomorrow. I need to get back soon so I can talk with my boss. After we finish working with the social workers on this current case, I am going to ask if he can pull some strings and get me hooked up with a job back here."

"What?" Ali's eyes almost popped from their sockets.

Bianca smiled up at Drew, "We talked a lot last night. We didn't work as a married couple, but there's no reason why we can't be friends. This family has been the only family I have ever really known. I realized now that it was a mistake to ever move away from them. This is where I belong."

"Now all we have to do is convince Clare of the same thing," Ali nudged her.

"I am happy in New York," Clare explained, "But I will visit more."

"So you are staying with Eli?" Bianca raised an eyebrow.

"Just for a few days," Clare tried not to blush, she really did, "This is where I need to be right now. Adam and I were very close. I need to be here right now…for him."

"And for Eli," Drew smirked; when Clare tried to protest, he held his hands up in surrender and backed down, "Mom, I'm going to grab some coffee – want some?"

"Sure," Audra nodded. As Drew was leaving, Eli and Fiona walked in.

"Good morning, everyone!" Eli feigned a cheery voice.

"Hey," Clare's eyes met his, and they shared a genuine smile before Audra announced that she had talked with the police station the night before.

"They have the gang members – that they know of – in custody right now and they are questioning them now. They said they would call me as soon as they know anything."

"How hard is it for them to get some answers," Eli shoved his hands into his pockets, "It's simple. You beat the shit out of them until they talk."

"Eli," Audra's voice was gentle, but commanding. She knew he was going through a lot right now, "It's complicated. There are rules. You can't just go around beating up people."

"They did," Eli reminded her, "I say they get what they deserve."

"Eli…" Clare tried to catch his gaze, but he wouldn't even look at her.

"I just want some fucking _answers_. Is that so fucking hard? They should all be fucking held responsible for what they did…"

"Eli, we don't know for sure if it was them," Audra reminded him, "They will call as soon as they figure anything out, and I will let you know as soon as they call me. We just need to try and be patient…"

"I don't want to be fucking patient…I want _answers_. I want to know who did this to him and I want to know why. I want to see them brought to justice. I want to see them _pay_ for what they did. These cops are the most fucking incompetent fools if they can't get us some fucking answers…"

"Eli," Fiona placed a hand on his back, "I know you are concerned, but yelling and getting angry about it isn't going to…"

"_Shut up_," Eli's voice was cold and acrid as he shook her hand off. Fiona backed off, not knowing what to say or do. Eli stood there for a moment as if he really didn't know what to say or do either. Finally, he shoved his way through the heavy metal doors.

"Someone should go after him," Fiona looked to Clare.

"No," Clare sat down in one of the empty seats.

"What?" Fiona looked appalled, "Someone needs to make sure he's okay."

"He's not okay," Clare explained, "But he wants to be left alone right now. I'll go check on him if he doesn't come back up here in the next ten minutes. Right now, I think he just wants some time alone to calm himself down."

"How do you know?" Fiona asked worriedly.

"I don't really," Clare admitted, staring down at her hands in her lap, "But I remember that that's what he would have wanted several years ago. He gets so angry and frustrated when he can't control certain situations. He just needs a moment to catch his breath and his thoughts."

"Just promise me you'll go check on him if he doesn't come back up," Fiona put her forehead in her hand, "I just…sometimes I don't know what to do with him. He's my best friend, Clare…but you understand. He's just…he's _so_…"

"Eli," Clare finished for her.

"Yes," Fiona let out a small laugh, "He's so Eli."

Clare nodded, "I'll check on him in a bit. I promise. Audra, did the police give us any more information at all?"

"No," Audra sighed, and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, "I want to be patient, but to be honest…I have to try really hard not to have a little moment like Eli just had," Audra admitted, "I just…I feel like screaming and cursing, but I can't. I need to be strong…I have to…"

Bianca stood from her seat and walked over to Audra and knelt down in front of her. She grabbed her hands in hers, and said, "Audra, no one is asking you to be strong. It's okay if you need to get these emotions out. It's okay, really. This is your son we're talking about. Your son. I don't want you to bottle your feelings up."

"I know," Audra rolled her eyes, trying to force the tears back inside, "It's just…it's all I can do to keep from punching a hole in that wall over there. I want to scream. I want to yell at the police and demand that they…that they get us some answers."

"They will," Bianca squeezed the older woman's hands, "It just takes time, but they will."

Clare glanced at the clock. She had a few more minutes before she would try to go dig up Eli. She hoped she had made the right decision in letting him storm out to be on his own for a bit. Fiona was right. It was difficult with Eli. You never knew what to do, and it was like walking on eggshells. Did he want someone to follow him and comfort him, or did he want to be alone? Nothing was black and white with him, Clare reminded herself.

Drew returned with the coffee to see his mother in tears and his ex-wife holding her in her arms. Ali rested her head against the back of the seat, not quite believing how different everything suddenly was. It was funny how everything could change on a dime. One day you think you have it all figured out, the next…not so much. Ali watched as Drew placed a hand on Bianca's back as she held Audra in her arms. They were still a family…after everything. After all the crap that had happened, they were still a family.

Ali then turned to Clare, who was glancing up at the clock and watching the hands slowly tick off each second, each minute. Maybe after everything – all the crap that had happened – she and Eli could still be that family that they had once been. Ali knew it was probably just silly musings, but she couldn't help but think that Clare and Eli just needed to be with each other. There was something there – surely she wasn't just seeing things.

Clare suddenly stood from her seat and turned to Ali, "Well, I'm going to go check on him."

"Alright, I'll be here."

As Clare headed out the doors, Ali sighed and began to wonder what would be best. Should she head home now and let Clare and Eli have some time to sort things out? Or should she stay and be here with everyone for a few more days? Something inside her told her that Clare and Eli needed the time to talk and just lay the cards out on the table. Maybe she should just go and let them take care of things.

Clare headed out towards the court yard and found Eli sitting by the fountain again. He had his head buried in his hands and he was leaning forward on the park bench – his head practically between his knees.

"Eli," Clare said gently, "Eli, I just came out to make sure you're okay…"

"Does it look like I'm okay?"

"Bad choice of words," Clare winced.

"I know that the police are doing everything they can," Eli said suddenly, "I do. I am not stupid. But I just…when I can't control the situation around me…"

"I get it," Clare sat down next to him, "You want to make sure everything and everyone is fine, and when you can't do that…it frustrates you."

"Yeah, _exactly_!" Eli glanced up and met her eyes, "How is it that you can always get in my head, Blue Eyes?"

Clare inhaled at the nickname, and Eli allowed a small smile to play at the corners of his lips before saying, "I guess we should get back, huh?"

"Yeah," Clare glanced down at her hand.

"That's a massive diamond," Eli followed her gaze.

"I'm going to leave Brian," the words poured from her mouth like a faucet.

"What?"

Clare blushed at the abruptness of what she had just revealed, "I…I just don't feel like he's the right person for me, Eli."

"Yeah, obviously."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just…he seemed too boring for you. Too _safe_."

"How is it that you can always get in my head?" Clare smiled, repeating his line.

"I just know you, Edwards. Besides, all day yesterday you were mentioning a divorce."

"I guess I finally convinced myself. I can't be scared of it anymore, Eli. I can't just be with someone because I'm scared of leaving," Clare twisted the ring around on her finger, "It's funny, I used to really love this thing. I mean…I thought I was something seriously special with a diamond this big."

"Don't be dumb, Edwards," Eli rolled his eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"You are something seriously special, Clare; and you don't need a diamond to tell you that."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"Hey, man," Eli made his way towards the hospital bed after shutting the heavy door behind him, "You're looking better. Still look like shit, but you're looking better. Those cuts have healed up. You're gonna have some pretty badass scars, huh?" Eli pulled out the chair next to the bed and sat down, "Wow! And look at that, you've got some hair growing back! Sweet!"

Eli ran a hand through his shaggy hair and said, "The doctors say you're stabilized. Breathing on your own without that damn tube down your throat. It's nice to not see you with that thing, Adam. _Really_. They say you're doing better, and now that you've been moved out of ICU, we can come visit you more. It's nice to have longer than five minutes with you, bud. I'm sorry I haven't been to see you lately, just so much shit has been happening that it's unbelievable."

Eli laughed and rolled his eyes, "Man, get this – Clare _left_ Brian. Yup, she called him up the second day she was here and told him flat out that they were over. I don't really know what his response was – she didn't say, and I wasn't about to push it. Oh, also she's been – get this – _staying with me!_ Yeah, for the past month. She was only going to stay for a few days to help me get through this whole mess, but after she left Brian I thought it'd be a good idea for her to stay a bit longer. So she's been crashing at my place."

Eli grabbed hold of one of Adam's hands and gave it a squeeze, "Bianca is moving back at the end of this month," he said, "So much is changing Adam, for the better. I can feel it. It was a shit thing that had to happen to bring us all back together, but maybe it was for the best. God, I can't believe I just said that. Am I a shitty person for saying that?"

Eli released the hand and glanced down at the linoleum flooring, "I just…it's nice to have us all together. It'll be even better when you wake up and can hang out with us. I promise, I'm buying you a round of drinks, bud. Oh, guess what! They got the bastards that did this to you. Their trial is in two weeks. They were some members of some skin head gang. I think the DA wants to see how far you come along before she figures out what to try them with. But I'm glad you're doing well, Adam. Really, you're really improving."

Adam sniffled, and Eli knew it was an involuntary action, but still, he liked to think Adam was responding to him. And maybe he was.

"It's weird, man, having Clare back. She just fits so well here, you know? Like, she's perfectly content crashing on the couch (I did offer her the bed, I'm not a dumbass) and hanging out. She's happy here. She says she likes her NYU job, and I get that…I just…I wish she could stay longer. I know, it's so selfish of me. I've just gotten used to having her around. Oh god, man, _Fiona_? That girl…I swear she asks me every day if Clare and I have hooked up yet. No, we haven't. She's on the couch, I'm on the bed. We haven't even kissed yet. Sometimes when she's sad or reflecting on everything, she'll grab onto my hand. And we've hugged before. But no kissing. I kind of like it. I like that we can just be friends without any pressure…except from Ali and Fiona."

Eli grinned thinking of the two of them, and how they were so eager for Eli and Clare to get back together. But Eli was happy, he was genuinely happy, with where they were at the moment, "I was supposed to work on a play for the Degrassi community theater, but that fell through," Eli sighed, "Apparently there wasn't enough money for funding, and the budget was tossed. I even went to this lame town hall meeting – can you just see _me_ at a town hall meeting – and petitioned it. They said maybe in a few months, once the budget is evened out."

He sighed and continued, "I kind of wanted to do it. I wanted to have that thing to look forward to and give me something to do while you're in here. It would have taken my mind off of a lot," Eli shook his head and added, "I just want this whole mess to be over, Adam. I want you to be out of this place; I want you to go out for drinks with us; I want you and me to take that trip to Europe. There's so much I still want to do with you, bud. You're my best friend. You're my brother."

Eli felt the tears on his cheeks, and he grabbed hold of the hand again, "Please pull through, Adam. You got to. You can't leave me like this. There's so much I want to tell you…so much hell we still have to raise. Please, man. _Please_ pull together," Eli squeezed Adam's hand tighter as more tears poured from his eyes, "If you don't…I'll…I'll kick your ass."

"Eli?"

Eli turned and saw Clare standing the doorway, "I-I just thought I'd come in and say hi too."

"Yeah," Eli wiped angrily at the tears, "Of course."

"He's better, Eli," Clare placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I know…I just…I miss him. A lot."

"I do too. I wished I had just ignored what Brian had said and come visited when I wanted to."

"You were always welcome," Eli reached up and placed his hand on top of her, "Bet you never thought you'd see us being civil to one another again, huh?" Eli grinned towards Adam.

"I didn't think civil was in your vocabulary."

"I made an exception," Eli smirked.

"Hey buddy," Clare walked over to the bed and ran a hand through the small little alfalfa sprouts of hair on Adam's head, "You're looking good."

"Doesn't he?" Eli asked, with a sense of pride in his voice, "I told him he's gonna have some sick battle scars from all this."

"Oh yeah," Clare grinned down at the man who appeared to be asleep in the hospital bed, "The girls are gonna be swarming all over you."

"He'll have to beat them off with sticks," Eli agreed.

"Oh yeah. Trust me," she said to Adam, "You're gonna get major tail from this."

"Did you _really_ just say that?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Clare shrugged, before playfully adding, "Eli's gonna be jealous of all the girls you're gonna get."

"Ha-ha...I don't think so," Eli smirked, "I mean, girls can't resist this smirk."

"Or those eyes," Clare reminded him.

"Oh _these_ eyes? These eyes make girls knees go weak," Eli folded his arms over his chest, "Sometimes it's a curse."

"Oh hush, you love it and you know it," Clare rolled her eyes, "But really, Eli. I think you're going to have some major competition when it comes to picking up girls."

"Whatever," Eli popped the collar of his leather jacket.

Clare laughed and rolled her eyes, "Adam, you're going to pull through this, alright. You've already come so far. You're going to be fine, I just know it. You have to be. You're Adam. You help me keep this one over here sane," she smiled towards Eli, "Please pull through, buddy."

Clare grabbed Adam's hand and brought it to her lips and lightly kissed it.

"No fair," Eli whined, "He's in a coma and he's getting more action than me?"

"Maybe you should step up your game," Clare raised an eyebrow, "We'll come back by tomorrow, okay? Keep hanging in there, Adam. You're doing so well."

"Stay golden, buddy," Eli lifted Adam's hand to fist-bump his own, "Come on," he turned to Clare, "Lunch, my treat?"

"Sounds good to me."

**Author's Note: I'd like to apologize to all of you. Recently, I got this review (and I'm not complaining because all of my reviews and readers mean a lot to me, but it did bring me back to reality). This review told me that she almost (_almost _being the key word here) didn't care if Adam would pull through or not. That really hit home for me. I already PMed her and discussed it with her, and expressed my appreciation of what she told me. I am so sorry that Adam hasn't been the focus of my story. I am so sorry I lost sight of what goals I had for this story when I first began writing it. It wasn't fair to myself, or to you.**

**I write fluff. I love Eclare fluff, and I wrote this story to step out of my comfort zone and push my limits as a writer. I wrote it from different POVs to challenge myself, and I wrote of a subject matter that really hits home for me. However, I found myself crawling back into that comfort zone. This story became more about Eli and Clare and less about Adam.**

**That's changing, as you can tell with this new chapter. Adam will be the focus, as well as everyone's emotions as they deal with what is going on around them. There will still be Eclare moments (don't worry, I love them too much for there not to be) and there will still be fluff and banter. I just need to refocus a bit. Thank you so much for drawing this to my attention. I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"I'm leaving."

"What?" Eli glanced up from the TV screen and kicked his feet off the couch so she could sit down, but she didn't. She just stood there with this matter-of-fact look plastered on her face.

"We knew this wasn't a permanent situation, Eli," she said, and he couldn't quite register her words, "I have to get back and meet with the lawyers and clear my stuff out."

"Do you have a place to stay back in New York?"

"No, but that's why I need to go back, Eli. I need to get my…affairs in order."

Eli raised an eyebrow and she winced at her pathetic word choice, "You know what I mean," she continued, "I have to get back. I wasn't going to stay here forever. Heck, I was just going to stay for a few days and a few days turned into…"

"A month," Eli crossed his arms over his chest, and suddenly felt seventeen again. They were taking their battle stances as usual – Eli with his arms crossed, Clare with her hands on her hips. _Let games begin_.

"Eli, I can't stay here. I have to get back and get this divorce sorted out. And I need to make sure Brian hasn't thrown out my things. I have to go back. Adam is stable right now. I don't think there's going to be any drastic change, and if there is, I'll come back."

"So that's it then."

"What are you even talking about?" She rolled her eyes towards the ceiling in this whole dramatic production, egging on the oncoming fight they both knew was fast approaching. They hadn't fought the whole month; they were long overdue.

"You're just going to leave, then?"

"This _isn't_ my home, _Eli_. My home is in New York, and I have responsibilities. I have a divorce and a husband I have to face. I can't just stay here and hide. I need to get back and deal with everything. I need to sort everything out. I need to get my own place…I need to do all of this."

"But now?"

"Gee, Eli, when would it be _convenient_ for _you_ for _me_ to meet with _my_ lawyers and divorce _my_ husband?"

"I just don't get why you have to leave now."

"I wasn't supposed to stay this long, Eli," she tried to remind him, "A few days was never supposed to turn to a month. I already spoke with my lawyer on the phone. We are supposed to sit down with Brian and his lawyer next week…"

"So stay until then."

"Eli, you aren't being reasonable," Clare whined, "Why can't you just understand? I have to get back to New York. I've booked my flight for tomorrow."

"_Tomorrow_?" Eli spat out the word as if it were a bad taste in his mouth.

"See? I knew it was a bad idea to stay with you. We got too used to this arrangement…"

"Was that a problem? I seem to remember you were pretty content here."

"I was; it was wonderful and so kind of you to offer…"

"_So kind of me to offer_," sarcasm dripped off his voice like honey, "Listen, Edwards, if you want to leave, then leave. Why wait until tomorrow?"

"What are you even…"

"Why don't you just pack up and leave today?" His voice was bold and challenging and Clare rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me…"

"Nope. Go. I'll call you a cab."

"A cab? A _freaking cab_, Eli?"

"To take you to stay with Ali until your flight tomorrow."

"Eli, this is completely uncalled for…"

"Is it? You just waltz in here…"

"_Waltz_?"

"Shut up. Just go. Pack your shit and go."

"Eli…this is absolutely…"

"I'm going to go for a drive," he hopped up from the couch and snatched the keys off the counter, "You better be gone when I get back."

The sound of the door slamming behind him caused Clare to jump. She had no idea what had just happened, and confusedly dialed Fiona's cellphone number. Maybe she could give her some insight on what the heck had just happened.

"Hi, Fi?"

"Clare? What's up?"

"Um…Eli and I just had a fight. I told him I had bought a plane ticket back to New York because I need to meet with the lawyers and move my stuff out…I have a lot to do back home, and I really wasn't anticipating staying here for a month."

"And apparently that didn't go over well with Eli, huh?"

"He threw me out."

"Ouch," Clare could practically see Fiona's brow furrowing with concern, "I am so sorry. Maybe you can stay with Ali until your flight."

"I'll give her a call. I…I'm just so confused right now. I have no idea what prompted this."

"Clare," Fiona smiled warmly into the phone; her voice was gentle as she said, "Eli is complicated."

"No shoot."

"Shoot?" Fiona raised an eyebrow, "Look, he got used to you being there with him. After years of not seeing each other, you move in with him for quite some time. That was pretty intense."

"But we didn't hook up or anything. I just…"

"I know, but it was still pretty intense. Eli…I think he's scared of losing you again."

"I'll come back."

"You didn't before," Fiona gently reminded her, and though her words were soft, Clare felt as though she had been slapped. She sunk down on the couch, and put her forehead in her hands.

"This time is different."

"I know that," Fiona's voice was reassuring, and Clare was grateful to be having this talk with her, "But he doesn't. He lost you twice already in his life, Clare."

"But that's all in the past. We aren't even a couple…he has no interest in…"

"_Seriously_?" Fiona chuckled, "For a professor at NYU, you sure aren't that smart. Clare, he's always been crazy for you. _Always_. He's never gotten over you. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone, ever."

Clare sighed into the phone, "I just…I need to go back, Fiona. I can't stay here forever."

"I know. He's being unreasonable. He's letting his emotions get the best of him. He just needs to chill. And you need to go back to New York. You need some space from each other. All of this was so fast…_too_ fast."

"I guess you're right," Clare admitted, "We did move pretty fast. I never imagined I'd be living with him for a month…but time just got away from me. I do need to get back and sort out this whole mess. I need to meet with the lawyers and move out, if I even still have anything to move out."

"Come back soon, okay?"

"I will," Clare promised, "I won't stay away this time. I can't stay away."

"I'll miss you. Be safe, alright?"

"Thanks, Fiona."

Clare hung up the phone and tossed it to the coffee table. Fiona had a point – maybe she and Eli did need some separation. Everything had been super-fast. She had never expected she'd live with Eli for a month. It had been fun. It really had been. They had movie nights almost every night and they were there for each other if one of them needed a hug. And what about what Fiona had said about him never getting over her?

That had been ten years ago. Ten years was quite a long time. People change. Surely Eli had moved on by now, right? Clare threw her head back against the couch cushion and let out a groan. Why did things always have to be so complicated between them? Why couldn't they just get along and be fine? Why couldn't they be friends without something like this happening?

Clare called up Ali, who arranged to pick her up from the apartment. Clare decided to start packing, and was overwhelmed with a sense of sadness that she couldn't explain. She threw in what few clothing items she had – mostly Eli had let her borrow a few of his t-shirts to wear – and her toiletry bag. As she was zipping up the suitcase, Clare decided to give the apartment one last look-over.

She made her way to Eli's bedroom. The bedroom she had managed to stay out of all these weeks. He had objected, of course. He could scrounge up something that resembled a gentleman from time to time, and offered her the bed. She had declined, saying the couch would be fine – and it was. Eli's bedroom was different than she had anticipated. It was orderly and neat and everything seemed to have its place. There were still band posters on the walls, but they had been professionally framed and neatly hung. So long were the days of skull sheets; they had been replaced with black silk bedding. Clare turned to the black wooden dresser along the right wall. She knew she shouldn't snoop, but she couldn't help herself.

She started with the top drawer. Boxers and socks. She couldn't help but let a small smirk escape her lips when her eyes fell upon a pair of Tweety Bird boxers. She held them up and couldn't help but laugh when she saw the inscription across the back, "_Once a bad ol' puddy tat, always a bad ol' puddy tat_." Clare rolled her eyes and neatly folded them and put them back in the drawer.

_What the hell am I doing_, she asked herself, _I need to just wait for Ali to come – _not_ be snooping around in Eli's underwear drawer…_as she started to close the drawer, something in the back caught her eye. Two glossy photographs, a little torn, a little banged up, were crumped in the back. She reached in and retrieved them, and were shocked to see that the photographs were of two very young girls. It took her a moment to recognize the chubby little redhead with glasses. Eli had kept her picture! After all these years, after all this time. The next photograph was one that Clare recognized – Julia.

Instantly she felt as though she had violated some huge law, and shoved the photographs back into their nesting spot. She slammed the drawer shut, and backed away from the dresser. Why had he kept those? After all this time…

Clare hurried out of his bedroom, and decided to stop snooping. She retreated to the couch to wait for Ali to call. She knew Ali had quite a drive to make, but Clare couldn't go back to that room. She picked up her cellphone from the coffee table and gave Ali a second call.

"I can't sit around this apartment."

"Oh hon, I'm on my way…"

"I know. I'm going to get a cab to take me to the hospital. I'll say goodbye to Adam, and you can come pick me up from there, alright? I just can't…I can't be here."

"I get it," Ali said, understandingly, "I'll see you at the hospital."

Clare called for a cab. When it was time to leave, she grabbed her suitcase and her purse, and took one last glance around the apartment. She had stayed there for a month. She and Eli had watched movies on that couch. They had had a popcorn fight on that couch. The kitchen? They had cooked dinners there together. They had a soap bubble fight together while washing the dishes. Everything in the apartment held a memory, and Clare hated having to leave. Fiona was right, they did get too comfortable and too used to their living arrangements.

This wasn't her home, this was Eli's. Her home was back in New York…well…her new home would be back in New York. Clare sighed and swept the apartment with one last gaze before shutting the door, and heading out to meet the cab.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: There's a lot of "f bombs" being dropped in this chapter. Hope that doesn't offend anyone, and if it does, I am truly sorry. **

Chapter Seventeen

"Well, I definitely fucked this one up, huh buddy?" Eli ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in the chair, "I just…I lost it. I don't know why but the thought of her leaving…I just…I couldn't handle it, man. I don't want to lose her again. I _can't_ lose her again."

Eli sighed and cradled his face in his hands, "I just…it was _nice_ having her here. It was _nice_ having her around again. I got so used to her being a part of my day, every day. I guess I took her for granted. Now that she's leaving…I just…I can't take it. I know I said that I was happy with where we were but I'm not. I still…I love her Adam. I love her, and I always have and – damn me for it – _I always will!_"

He sat up and wiped at the tears on his cheeks, "I can't stand her, man. I really can't. She comes back into my life after ten years – _ten fucking years_ – and turns everything upside down. She makes me laugh and cheers me up and makes the days worth waking up for. Then she leaves, and I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me. I just…I don't want her to leave me again, Adam. She did it twice, and I can't handle it a third time, man. I just _can't_."

Eli shook his head and continued, "You know, I just…I want to _strangle_ her for making me hurt like this again. I just…I want to…" Eli let out a massive growl, "_I can't fucking stand her!_ So what did I do? I threw her out before she had to go. What would be the point in her staying at my place that extra day, stepping on my heart each time I would have to look at her?"

There was a knock on the door, and Eli quickly swiped at the tears again with this fingertips before standing from the chair and calling towards the door, "Come in."

"I thought you were going for a drive."

"Yeah, and I thought you were gone."

"I took a taxi to come say goodbye to Adam. Ali is on her way to pick me up right now. I just…I couldn't wait around for her, and I knew I needed to come by and say goodbye to him. So here I am."

"Here you are," he said, clipping at each word, "So say goodbye then."

"Could you give me a moment with him, please?"

"Why? I can be in here if I want to be."

"Please don't do this," Clare's voice shook, "_Please_, just let me say goodbye without…without any of this drama. This isn't the time or the place…"

"Isn't it? Hey, Adam!" Eli turned to the man in the bed, "_Princess_ over here has decided she's just going to leave us. Isn't that _fucking dandy?_ She's decided that she doesn't give a fuck about you or about me…"

"Stop it! _Please, stop it!_" Clare shouted, her eyes stinging with tears that threatened to fall.

"Go ahead," Eli dramatically threw his arms in the air, "Go ahead and tell him how you don't give a fuck anymore about any of us. Tell him how you're running away to live your Fifth Avenue life without a second thought. Tell him how you _never_ gave a fuck, and tell him how…"

"_Please! Please, stop!_" The tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and Eli really did regret his words. He hated to see her cry. He wanted to apologize and grab her into a hug, and never let go. But the monster was unleashed, and there was no stopping what came out of his mouth next.

"Go ahead and tell him how you don't give a_ fuck if he lives or dies._"

"_I hate you!_" Clare's voice was shaking with the sobs as she spat out the words, "I hate you so much, Eli Goldsworthy!"

"Then leave. There's the door."

"I…_I care_. I care _so much_," Clare's shoulders were heaving under the weight of the sobs as she glared daggers into Eli's stone-cold, iced-emerald ice, "About _both_ of you."

"You're a liar, Clare. That's all you ever were. _A liar._"

"Eli…don't do this…"

"You lied about loving me. You lied about how you'd never leave me. Well you did, Clare. You left. Then you came back, and I thought I was so lucky to have another shot. And then again, you left…"

"_You_ dumped me!" Clare reminded him, "Because you were too scared we wouldn't work out!"

"Because you were going to live your life in New York, and leave me – _leave us_ – behind."

"That wasn't true…"

"But you did. You left, and you married that_ fucking mothball _and look where that got you. You're twenty-eight years old, Clare, and you're _fucking divorced. What a fucking loser._"

"Eli, stop it. This isn't you…you need to be back on your meds…"

"Funny how I was perfectly fine off them until you came back."

"Eli…"

"_You_ cause this, Clare. _You_ cause me to be insane."

"You're not insane…" Clare's voice was surprisingly gentle, but it was all too late in Eli's mind.

"Shut up." Eli's words were like ice, "You aren't welcome here."

"Adam is my _friend_, Eli. He is _my best friend._ Please, you can't keep me from saying goodbye to him. I _need_ to say goodbye to him," Clare was still crying.

Eli laughed a cold laugh, "You don't _deserve_ to say goodbye to him. What's the point? You're leaving, and you're never coming back."

"That's not true, Eli. I want to come back. I love being back…"

"But you're leaving."

"I have to, Eli. Don't you realize how hard it is for me? I don't want to go, either. I want to stay here with Adam and with you. You two were everything to me for a big part of my life. I don't want to leave you again. And doing so is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do…and you…you're making it all the more difficult."

"_Difficult for you? Hard for you?_" Eli cackled, and Clare backed away from him, frightened, "You come back into my life and fucking…_fucking make me fall in love with you again_ just to_ fucking leave again._"

"Wh…what?" Clare's jaw fell lax, "Eli…I had no…"

"But guess what, Clare? I'm not going to let you hurt me again. Nope, I'm going to hurt you before you can hurt me!"

"You're a coward!" Clare shouted, "You always were and you always will be a fucking coward!" Her use of the profanity shocked her, but she kept going, "You broke up with me because you were too scared of what it would be like to have a long distance relationship. And now you're hurting me just so I can't hurt you first?" She raised an eyebrow and continued, "In what universe does that make _any_ sense, Eli?"

"Get out of here, Clare!"

"Eli, you're being so…"

"I said, _get out of here!_" Eli stepped towards her, and sharply shoved her. Clare lost her balance and stumped back, falling to the floor.

Their eyes were locked onto each other's as they committed murder a thousand times with just once glance. Neither one of them said anything, or even moved for that matter. They just stood there, glaring at one another as if desperately trying to bring life into the statement, _"if looks could kill."_ They were so busy glaring at each other that they didn't even notice the monotonous beeping sound coming from one of the machines.

It wasn't until the door flew open, and five nurses rushed in with a defibrillator, that they noticed something was gravely wrong.

**Author's Note: I had to include crazy Eli in this. I can't imagine what it'd be like for him if Adam was in a coma, and Clare had just come back into his life only to leave again, but I tried my best. Hopefully it wasn't too OOC. I was drawing on the episode in which Eli coldly told Clare that he didn't love her anymore. And past Crazy-Eli moments in the show. Thanks for reading. I posted two chapters today, so it might be a day or two for the next chapter. I'm going to be pretty busy, that's why I pumped out these two chapters today. Hope you enjoyed! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Wow. That past chapter was pretty intense, huh? I never know what to expect when I sit down at my computer to update; and my stories seem to create themselves. I'm just the means used to bring them to live. Chapter Seveteen…I've been rereading that chapter a lot. It's something I'm pretty impressed with. I didn't know I had it in me to write something so intense. I hope you enjoyed it, and will enjoy this next chapter.**

Chapter Eighteen

Clare had pushed herself up off the floor, and she and Eli stood against the wall, watching in horror as the nurses swarmed around Adam. They were pressing buttons, and shouting at one another. They pulled out a pair of paddles from the machine they had wheeled in, and Riley shouted towards them to leave. Without an argument, or even a word, Clare and Eli retreated to the hallway.

They stood against one of the cheap-wallpaper covered walls, and craned their ears to see if they could hear anything. Eli slammed his hands into his pockets and glowered at nothing in particular straight ahead. Clare kept her eyes down on the scuffed floor, not knowing what to say or do. The tension between them was so thick, that it scared her.

It wasn't until Riley finally appeared that Eli broke their silence.

"What is _wrong_ with the two of you?" Riley demanded.

"We weren't…we weren't thinking," Eli stammered, quickly lowering his eyes.

"Eli…he has Bipolar Disorder, and…"

"Don't do that," Eli held up a hand, silencing Clare mid-sentence, "Don't you _dare_ try and use that as an excuse. We weren't thinking, Riley. We just…we let everything get the better of us, and we didn't stop to realize that what we were doing was…was hurting Adam."

"You didn't think," Riley agreed, "Lucky for you, we were able to use the defibrillator in time. He had a minor heart attack. He's stabilizing now, but one of you needs to contact his mother."

"I-I will," Eli volunteered, still looking down at his scuffed sneakers, "Um, when can we uh…"

"I don't think that's the best idea," Riley wiped her brow with her wrist, "I don't want to risk anything. Adam needs calm right now. If _anything_ were to bump his blood pressure…"

"We're sorry," Clare attempted, but realized as soon as the words spilled from her mouth, how useless they were, "I-I mean…we never intended to hurt Adam. We…we _love_ Adam."

"I know," Riley sighed and glanced towards the door of his room, "I've gotten to know you guys, I really have. I know how much Mr. Torres means to the both of you…but right now I just…I don't think it's best."

"_Please_," Eli met her eyes, and didn't even use the puppy-dog eyes. Instead, his eyes were just raw and honest, "I have to see him."

Riley sighed again, as if thinking over her decision, "I should have security come and escort the two of you out of here…I can't believe I'm going to say this but…go in and see him."

"Thank you _so_ much!" Clare's eyes lit up.

"But let me give you two some advice. Get your stuff together, because it effects other people besides just you. I don't know what the two of you have going on, but it needs to be left at the door. Don't you even carry it into that room with him."

"Yes ma'am," Eli nodded.

Once Adam was a bit more stable, the other nurses headed out the door and back down the hall. Once the room was all cleared out, Clare and Eli made their way inside.

"Hey buddy," Eli paused inside the doorway, not wanting to step any further. He didn't want to do anything or say anything that might cause any more problems for Adam. Already, he felt so guilty and ashamed for what he had done just a few minutes prior.

"Hi, Adam," Clare appeared behind Eli, and shut the door behind them.

She glanced up at Eli, and their eyes met once again. Lost were the looks of hatred and disdain. Instead, their eyes reflected embarrassment and shame. Neither really knew what to say, or what to do. Clare mustered up some strength and walked over towards the bed. She grabbed hold of one of Adam's hands, and squeezed it.

"I am _so_ sorry, Adam. We shouldn't have brought our issues in here. We shouldn't have put you in the middle of all of this. The stress…I don't know if you can hear me or not or how any of this works, but I hope you can understand what I'm saying, and I hope you know how _terribly_ sorry I am."

Eli cleared his throat, but stayed right against the wall where Clare had left him. He couldn't bring himself to go over to Adam. He couldn't even bring himself to really speak to him. He had almost killed him – he and his stupid temper. Eli ran a hand through his hair and collapsed backwards against the wall. He could have killed him…

"I am leaving, Adam…" Clare's voice was shaking as she said those words, and Eli tossed his head back against the plaster wall, "I am going home to New York. I am meeting with lawyers next week to finalize the divorce. Can you believe it? Twenty-eight and divorced," she laughed a dry laugh, "But it's for the best, I suppose. He was just a jerk. Now that he's out of my life, I can come visit more often. I mean, there's still school, but I can come up on breaks."

Clare ran her hand along the tuffs of blonde hair on Adam's head, "I'll miss you. I already miss you so much, but seeing your face…it helps. _Please_ stay strong for me while I'm gone. I'll come back as soon as things get sorted out in New York, alright. I'll be back this time. I'm not leaving for good. _I promise you_," she said, and Clare wasn't quite sure who, specifically, she was saying those words to.

She bent down and kissed Adam's forehead before turning to leave. She saw Eli leaning against the wall, and she saw the tears streaking down his cheeks as he stared cold as stone straight ahead. She looked up, and tried to meet his eyes. He wouldn't even flicker a glance in her direction.

"I'm so sorry," she said, before heading towards the door.

Once the door clicked behind her, Eli crumpled onto the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest, buried his face in his hands, resting his forehead on his knees. He had really screwed up this time. Everything he had ever done in the past seemed to pale in comparison to this. This was big. He had really messed up.

The door swung open again, and a harried Clare rushed in.

"I forgot my purse…oh my God," she knelt down on the floor in front of Eli, "Eli…what's going on?"

"Get away from me."

"No. Eli…"

"I could have _killed_ him, Clare. I could have_ really killed_ him."

"This isn't just on you," she tucked her legs underneath her and titled her head to meet Eli's eyes, "I am at fault on this one too. We really messed up, Eli. We shouldn't have brought our crap in here."

"I shouldn't…I shouldn't have said those things, Clare. I said…I said the worst things."

"It wasn't you," Clare brushed at one of her curls, "Everything you're going through is so much, and I am so sorry I have to leave but…"

"I can't ask you to stay," Eli sighed and tossed his head back, running his hands down his cheeks to wipe angrily at the tears, "You don't belong here. Your life is in New York."

"Eli…this might be a totally inappropriate time for me to ask, but…did you mean what you said…about being in love…with me?"

"You're right," Eli dropped his hands and met her eyes with his, "It _is_ totally inappropriate."

"Just give me an honest answer, Eli. Before I leave."

"You want to know the truth?" Eli raised an eyebrow, "The truth is…I was just saying that in some desperately selfish attempt at getting you to stay because I don't want to face this alone. There, I said it."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Eli winced, "Pretty harsh, huh?"

"Very," Clare stood from the floor and brushed herself off, "Well, I'm just going to grab my purse and be heading out then…"

"Okay."

"Eli…you're going to be fine, alright. I'll come back. And you have Fiona here, and Ali isn't far. It's going to be fine. You don't need me here."

"You're right," Eli nodded solemnly, standing from the floor, "I don't need you."

"Okay then," Clare swung her purse over her shoulder, and tried to pretend as if his words didn't bother her as much as they did, "Well, I'll see you."

"Yeah," Eli ran a hand through his hair again, "See ya."

Clare glanced towards Adam, before heading towards the door. Her hand shakily grasped the door knob, and she left the hospital room without another word. Eli collapsed into the chair next to Adam's bed.

"I know what you're thinking, so stop," Eli rolled his eyes, "It's for the best, you know…if she's not here. I got too attached to having her around. I was falling for her again and that…that's dangerous. She needs to go back to New York and sort everything out. I can't…I can't keep her here. Really. What else could I do? If you have any suggestions, please – I'm all ears."

Eli rolled his eyes again and said, "Besides, how could I tell her that I'm still in love with her? How…after everything? It's for the best. I know it was. So just stop pushing it. I said stop pushing it! Oh who am I kidding? Even in a coma, you still think you know everything, huh? Well you're wrong. This is for the best, Adam. _For her_."

Eli nodded, as if forcing himself to agree with his own words. A few moments ticked by, and Eli let out a growl, "_God damn it, Adam_! Why do you always get into my head, huh? Remind me to kick your ass when you wake up," Eli jumped up from the chair, "But for now, I've _got_ to fix this!"

Clare had grabbed a cup of tea from the coffee bar, and was waiting for Ali to arrive. Her head was spinning with emotions, and she wanted to press pause, just for a moment, just so she could catch her breath. Eli always left her breathless. It was how they always were, and how – if they allowed themselves to go on – they would always be. They were intense and wild and too fast and too much. He left Clare with a broken heart and dizzy way more often than she'd like.

It had been ten years. The past month had been great. They had had fun together, and Clare finally felt like they were where they needed to be. He still made her nervous, and she had forced herself to become used to the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. But now, things had suddenly gotten to be way too out of hand.

He had shoved her. Clare's tailbone still throbbed as she sat at the little table in the cafeteria from where he had pushed her and she had fallen. She wanted to hate him, really…she did. She had wanted to hate him for years, but her heart wouldn't allow her to feel such feelings. Nope, instead it forced her to feel do the polar opposite – love him. Clare sighed and took a sip of her tea, wishing Ali lived closer, and would just arrive already. Being alone with her thoughts was almost as dangerous as Eli being left alone with his thoughts.

Why did he always do this to her? Clare wanted to just strangle him.

"Enjoying your solitude, or would it perhaps be okay with you if a complete and total asinine jackass were to join you?"

Clare glanced up from her tea to see Eli standing in front of her. His eyes and nose were still stained red from the tears, and Clare couldn't help but be transformed back to her high school days. She knew better than to say yes. She was old enough to know better. But she was young enough not to care.

"Depends," Clare raised an eyebrow, "Is said complete and total asinine jackass going to apologize?"

"Depends," it was Eli's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"On what?"

"If the girl I was a complete and total asinine jackass to is going to hear me out."

"Depends. Maybe the girl you were a complete and total…"

"Okay, stop it," Eli raised a hand, and Clare thought she heard a small chuckle escape his lips, "Can I sit, or no?"

Clare gestured to the chair across from her, and Eli took a seat before saying, "So, what are the chances you're going to forgive me for that bullshit I pulled in there?"

"Well, if you were going to perhaps buy me one of those chocolate chip cookies from the coffee bar, I _might_ consider it."

"But I don't even like chocolate chip cookies," Eli whined, "How are we supposed to share if I don't even…_oh_. Alright, alright. I'll get you your chocolate chip cookie. So will you hear me out?"

"No one is stopping you," Clare leaned back against the back of her seat, and took a sip of her tea. She had a challenging smirk on her face, and Eli couldn't help but roll his eyes and grin. He didn't deserve this, and yet here they were - here she was, giving him what he didn't deserve.

"I am such a douche bag, Clare. I shouldn't have said those things that I did. I was just…_no_, I'm not going to make excuses. I am done making excuses. Just know…know that I didn't mean any of those things that I said. I just…I am not ready for you to leave yet."

"Because you're scared."

"That's part of it," Eli ran a hand through his hair, and tried to muster up some strength. Normally, he was always calm, cool, collected, suave. But with Clare, all of that flew right out the window, "I…I lied when I said that I only said I was still in love with you as a ploy to get you stay."

"What?" Clare's brow furrowed, "I don't understand..."

"Clare…I haven't stopped loving you. I never have, and I don't think I ever will."

"Eli…"

"I'm not asking for you to feel the same about me," Eli's eyes locked onto hers, "But I just need to let you know. I always have loved you, Clare. And I always will. You're such a pain in the ass, and yet I find myself completely head over heels for you after all these years, and I could just kill you for it."

"There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about you," Clare admitted, "You're part of the reason I married Brian."

"How in the hell does that make _any_ kind of sense?" Eli's brow furrowed.

"You exhausted me, Eli. Everything was a rollercoaster with you. I was so drained after we broke up. When Brian came along…I gobbled it up."

"Oh, I didn't think Saint Clare did that sort of…"

"Eli!" Clare rolled her eyes, "Does your mind permanently reside in the gutter?"

"Yup," Eli grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

"Anyway, when Brian came along…he was so…_vanilla_. He was so _bland_ compared to you, Eli. It was…refreshing. But then after being with him for a while, I realized that I missed the excitement. We had some pretty sucky times as a couple, but you have to admit, we had fun!"

"We did," Eli allowed a small smile to cross his face – one of his genuine smiles, the kind that made Clare feel as though the whole world had stopped, and it was just them.

"I miss those good times," Clare admitted, staring down into her coffee cup.

"Come on, let's get you that chocolate chip cookie," Eli stood from the table, and Clare grabbed her purse and followed him over towards the coffee bar.

Before they went up to order their cookie, Clare paused and said, "Eli, I said some really mean things too, and I just want to apologize too. I told you I hated you," Clare's eyes fell to the floor, "What can I do for you to ever forgive me?"

"_Oh…well…_" Eli teasingly thought it over "_I don't know…_" before capturing her lips in a kiss.

**Author's Note: So maybe the Eclare happened a bit too rushed after the incident in the last chapter, but it's like they said, they've always been intense. Hope you enjoyed**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

"_Eli_," his name carried on a breath as they pulled away.

"I've been waiting ten years to do that," Eli chuckled, and ran his hand through his hair, "Well, what do you say we get you that cookie?"

"Eli…you can't just do that. You can't just…"

"Oh come on, Clare," he rolled his eyes, "So you can kiss me whenever you want, but if I kiss you I've broken some sort of cardinal rule?"

"Eli, if you're referring to that Frostival kiss, that was ages ago!"

Eli raised an eyebrow, and Clare tried not to focus too hard on the fact that he looked positively adorable.

"Eli, you can't just…we can't…it's not…"

"Clare, shut up," Eli grabbed her and caught her lips in his again. This time, the kiss was longer and more greedy. They seemed to hunger for one another, and their tongues violently fought for power. Teeth teased, tongues collided, throats moaned, and Clare could feel one of the corner of Eli's mouth upturned in a smirk.

After they pulled away, both of them were thirsting for air, "_Wow_," Clare's voice was barely a whisper. Eli's smirk grew into a grin and he said –

"You know, I think you deserve to be kissed a lot more than you probably were these past ten years."

"Is that so?" Clare raised an eyebrow, still trying to gather her thoughts, and keep her head from growing to dizzy.

"Yup. I think I have to make up for a lot of kisses that husband of yours didn't give you."

"Well…I don't know…" Clare allowed a small, shy smile to escape her lips as she glanced down at her tennis shoes. Eli lifted her chin up with his finger tips and captured her eyes with his.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me to kiss you every second of every minute of every day. Tell me that, and that'll be it."

Clare felt her knees grow week and her head grow light. She felt as though her head was a balloon that had just been accidentally let go of and was now currently soaring up through the clouds. She felt her heart beating violently against her chest, and was scared that Eli could hear the blood swimming in her veins.

"Eli…I…I…" she was at a complete and utter loss for words. She had no idea what to say, and she knew her brain wouldn't be able to form cognitive sentences on account of everything Eli was making her feel.

All logic, all reasonable thoughts, went right out the window as Clare grabbed hold of the lapels of his black, leather jacket and pulled his lips against hers. The kiss was again hungry and violent and a struggle for power and domination. Both of them wanted to be in charge, both of them fought to see who could make the other moan first.

After breaking apart, Clare tucked a curl behind her ear and said, "I think I want that cookie now."

Eli chuckled a throaty laugh as he swung an arm casually over her shoulders before they headed towards the coffee bar.

Ali pulled the Mercedes into a parking spot, grabbed her bag, and slammed the car door behind her. She tried not to think too much about wanting to murder Eli, but it was difficult. How dare he just throw Clare out? How selfish could someone be? But this was Eli…selflessness wasn't exactly a strong suit of his. Ali remembered that whatever Eli wanted, Eli got. If Eli wanted Clare out of his apartment, that's exactly what would happen. She still couldn't believe though that he had been so cruel.

Maybe things had just gotten out of hand. Maybe Eli was just being Eli and bailing because he was scared again. Ali flipped her long, sleek midnight hair over her shoulder and sighed as she neared the doors of the hospital's entrance. At least she was here now and could take Clare away from all of this. She could practically just picture her sitting in Adam's room crying and alone and miserable. Alright, so maybe murdering Eli wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

The automatic doors swung open, and Ali headed towards the elevators. As she neared the elevators, she noticed a couple sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria. They were sitting at a booth, next to each other, and her head was resting on his shoulder, and he was playing with her hair. Ali smiled as he took the strand of hair he was playing with and tickled her nose with it before she slapped his hand away. _How cute_, Ali thought until she realized who this couple was.

"Oh my God," she scurried over to them as fast as her hot-pink stilettos would carry her, "_Clare? Eli?_"

"Hey, Ali," Clare smiled, shifting her head off of Eli's shoulder.

"What…can someone _please_ tell me what the hell is going on here? I get a phone call from you in tears saying how you need me to come get you because Eli threw you out and then here you are…with him. I was fixing to kick his ass and everything!"

"That doesn't sound pleasant," Eli winced.

"Both of you, _spill_."

"Well…I don't know," Clare blushed, "It just…we just…"

"Did you two at least kiss? Tell me you two kissed!"

"Um…yeah," Clare's brow furrowed, "But why do you need to know if…"

"Sweet! I get the fifty bucks!"

"Fifty bucks?"

"Don't tell me," Eli rolled his eyes, "You and Fi bet to see if Clare and I would kiss or not."

"Well, the bet was _actually_ to see if you two would pull your heads out of the sand long enough to realize that you still have feeling for each other…and kiss before Clare went back to New York."

"New York," Clare sighed, and broke off a bite of chocolate chip cookie to nibble, "I really go back tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah. You two have some serious shitty timing. I mean _really_? You were living together for a month and you had to wait until your last day here to finally make your moves?"

"You could just not go," Eli raised his eyebrow and did this totally goofballish, pleading look that made Clare laugh, "And stay here with me."

"I have to go. You two know that. Eli, why don't you go call Audra and let her know about Adam. I won't go anywhere until you get back, I promise."

Eli reluctantly headed over towards one of the hallways to place the call. He had no idea how he was going to tell Audra that he had been somewhat responsible for giving Adam a heart-attack. He knew he could easily just leave that part out, but he was a better person than that. Audra deserved to know what, exactly, had happened.

"Is everything alright with Adam?" Ali asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Well…I came here to say goodbye to Adam, and Eli was in the room. He wasn't going to let me have a moment alone with Adam, and we started to fight. Our fighting…it got pretty bad. Like…it was one of the worst fights we have ever had. Eli…he even shoved me to the ground."

"You're kidding!"

"No," Clare sighed and mustered up the strength to say the rest of the story, "I guess Adam can hear us…I don't really know how that works. Maybe he heard us, maybe – as Eli would say – it was just the 'bad mojo' of the room. I don't really know, but Adam….he had a minor heart attack as Eli and I were fighting."

"Oh my God! Is he okay? What happened?"

"He's alright. They have him stabilized, but it was really scary, Ali. We almost…we could have killed him. I can't even…that moment…that moment when we realized what was going on and what he had done…I don't think we will ever forget that moment."

"I am just glad he's okay."

"Yeah, me too," Clare took another bite of her cookie, "It just…it shook Eli up a lot. We said the worst things to each other during that fight. Anyways, I came out here to wait for you, and Eli followed me to apologize. And we just…we ended up kissing…a lot."

"In the middle of the cafeteria?" Ali let out a gasp, before proudly nodding her head, "Alright, you go, girl!"

"Ali," Clare laughed a shy laugh, "I just…I don't know what the heck I am doing."

"Why do you need to know? Why do you need to know everything about everything, Clare? Why can't you just sit back and let this happen, because this is happening rather you want it to or not."

"Oh, I want it to," Clare was quick to say, "I just…I don't know why."

"Because he's Eli and you're Clare," Ali answered, matter-of-factly.

"He's Eli and I'm Clare," Clare quietly repeated, nodding to herself as she said those words. They answered nothing, and yet they answered everything.

Eli ran his hand through his hair again as he leaned against the plaster wall, listening to each ring of the phone as if it were counting down the seconds to his execution. He and Clare had really screwed up big time. Could Audra be able to forgive him? Eli felt as though the phone would never stop ringing. Why couldn't she just pick up? That way, he could get it over with super quickly – like a Band-Aid.

Finally, he heard her pick up the phone and say, "Hello?"

"Audra? Hi, it's Eli."

"Eli, what's going on. Is everything alright?"

"Uh…yeah…there was just a small…complication with Adam a few moments ago."

"What kind of _small complication_?" Audra's voice was harried and suspicious, and Eli almost wanted her to get angry with him. He deserved to be in trouble for something like this, "Eli…I can be at the hospital in ten minutes. Tell me what happened."

"Well…Adam is okay. You need to know that before I tell you the rest. He's fine and he's stabilized and…"

"Eli, _tell me what happened_," Audra's voice was low and commanding, and Eli felt like he was the worst person in the whole entire world.

"Well, Clare and I had had a fight. She is going back to New York tomorrow and came to see Adam before taking off. Well, I didn't know she would, and I was in Adam's room when she arrived. We started to fight…and I don't know…it was like…like he could hear us or feel the stress…Audra I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry…"

"Eli, just calm down and tell me what happened."

Eli sighed, and mustered up what courage he could, "Adam had a minor heart-attack this afternoon. They got him stabilized and everything, but I am so, so sorry…we never meant to…I didn't realize…we just weren't thinking…"

"Adam had a heart attack because you two were fighting?" Audra repeated into the phone, and Eli wanted to melt into a puddle of shame against the linoleum flooring.

"Yes."

"Oh my God…Eli…do you think…do you think he heard you?"

"I-I don't know," Eli was taken aback by her reaction, "The nurses said he needed to be in a calm environment. I don't know if he heard us or could feel the tension or what happened…but the nurse said our fighting drove up his blood pressure."

"Eli…do you know what this means?"

"Uh…that I am a complete idiot who really fucked this one up?"

"Well…sort of – but that's not the point right now. The point is, Adam responded to you! He responded to his surroundings, Eli!"

"He did, didn't he," Eli still couldn't believe her reaction. But she did have a point. For the past month, Adam hadn't shown any responses to anything. Now, he had.

"I can get off work and come down there right away. This is huge news, Eli. Has the doctor been in to run some tests yet?"

"Not yet," Eli still wasn't comprehending everything, "Are you…are you not upset at me?"

"Oh Eli," Audra laughed, "I am _beyond_ upset with you. But my son responded to something! That's all I care about right now. I can deal with you later," she said, and Eli felt like a little kid again suddenly, "But right now…right now…my baby responded!"

"Yeah, I guess he did," Eli chuckled, just now realizing the importance of everything, "Wow."

"Eli, I've got to go. I've got…I've got to let my boss know I'm leaving for the day. Um…I'll be there soon, okay?"

"Promise you won't bring some sort of lethal weapon with you to murder me with."

"No promises. I'll be there soon!"

After hanging up the phone, Eli made his way back over to the booth where Clare and Ali were sitting. Clare was rolling her eyes and laughing at something Ali had said.

"Well _is he_?" Ali pressed as Eli neared the table.

"Ali, I don't have to answer that," Clare objected.

"Am I what?" Eli cocked an eyebrow, "Am I awesome and amazing and handsome and sexy and fucking bad ass, then yes."

"Ali just wanted to know if you were still a good kisser."

"Oh is that so?" Eli grinned, "Well Clare, am I?"

"What did Audra have to say?"

"Ouch, way to change the subject, Clare," Eli slid into the booth next to her, "Audra said she's on her way to visit Adam. She is mad about what we did, but she's really happy that he showed a response to something…even if that response was a heart attack. It shows that he reacted to our stressors."

"Wow…"

"Yeah. So…uh…Clare?"

"Yes?"

"You're going to go stay with Ali tonight and then fly back to New York tomorrow."

"Yeah," Clare wadded up the wrapper from their cookie and tossed it inside her empty cup of tea, "It shouldn't take me long in New York. I mean, I have to meet with the lawyers and move out and get my own place…" she put her forehead against her hand, "Okay, so maybe there is a lot to do. I just…I never imagined when I came here that all of this would play out like this."

"It's funny how things have a way of working out."

"I don't know what to do, you guys. I mean, I love my job in New York. I really do."

"There's jobs here," Eli pointed out, "Maybe not N-Y-what's-its-name, but we do have colleges here you could get a job working for."

"Don't tell me that," Clare sighed, "That just makes me want to move here even more."

"What?" Ali's eyes nearly popped from her head, "You want to move here?"

"Of course I do," Clare admitted, "But I can't. I have an excellent job in New York…_New York_! I can't just leave all of that behind…I mean…I don't know. I just…I want it both ways. I want to keep my job, but I want to be here with you guys."

Clare sighed and massaged her forehead with her fingertips, trying to get her thoughts in order and ignore the pain she was feeling at the very thought of leaving the next day, "Maybe this is good. Maybe I can use this time apart to just sort everything out and figure out what I want."

"Clare, you already know what you want," Eli said pragmatically, "You just aren't listening to yourself."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Bianca was scribbling away at one of the many forms inside the manila folder – one of dozens on her desk. She had some last minute paperwork to complete, and wanted everything to be in order for her replacement. She didn't want to leave a huge mess and gobs of paperwork behind. Besides, these were cases she had worked on, and kids she had helped; she couldn't just leave those things in disarray. As she was filling out the pink form, the school secretary knocked on the door of her office.

"Hey there, Reyna," Bianca clicked the pen closed, and looked up from her desk.

"Your last day was supposed to be yesterday. Why are you still here, Nina?"

"I have to finish up this paperwork," Bianca sighed, "I can't just leave it all. These cases…these kids…I'll miss them so much."

"Do you even have a place to stay when you get back?" Reyna asked, sitting down at the chair in front of Bianca's desk.

"My ex mother-in-law said I could stay with her until I get things sorted out. There's a position at Degrassi, my old high school, that just opened up. Robert found it for me – isn't that great? I was so worried he wouldn't be able to help me secure another job, but he pulled some strings."

"Is this what you want?"

"Of course," Bianca shut he manila folder, "Being there last month…it made me realize that that is where I belonged. That family, they're my family. They're the only family that has ever truly loved me, and I need to be with them."

"And you and Drew?"

"We're alright," Bianca put the folder in a pile, "I mean…sure, it was weird at first. I just…he's part of my family, Reyna. While I was back, we kind of came to this arrangement – we are family. We messed up our marriage, but that doesn't mean it has to mess up us being a family. I need to be there for him, and for his mom, and for Adam."

"How is Adam?"

"Better, so I hear. Apparently last night he showed his first reaction to his surroundings. Drew emails me nightly updates. We are hoping that this reaction is the first of many good things to come."

"I'll miss you, girl," Reyna clacked her long purple fingernails on the desk, "What am I gonna do without you here, huh?"

"You can always come visit," Bianca reminded her, "I really feel like I am making the right decision…for once. I feel like I am finally stepping in the right direction with this. I just…it took me some time, but I think this is one of the best decisions I have ever made."

"Good for you, girl. Good for you."

Clare bit at her fingernail as Ali's Mercedes pulled up to the airport's designated drop-off area. Eli was sitting in the backseat, brooding and looking stoically out the window. When he realized the car had suddenly stopped, he glanced away from the window. This was it. She was really getting on that plane and going back to New York.

"Alright," Ali swung her door open, "Eli, help with the luggage?"

Eli begrudgingly scooted out of the backseat, and made his way towards the trunk. He set Clare's bags on the pavement, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Maybe it'd be easier if he just restrained himself a bit, and didn't allow himself to get quite so hurt. Clare swung her purse over her shoulder and turned to Ali first.

"Well," she said, her lower lip jutting out, "I guess this is it, huh?"

"Oh hush, you're coming back!"

"I know," Clare sighed and glanced towards the doors of the airport, "I just…I don't know."

"You want to stay here, but you want to be back in New York," Ali explained, "Sometimes you can't have your cake and eat it too, hon. Why don't you take this time back home to just decide what it is you want more."

Clare nodded solemnly before turning her attention to Elli. He was leaning against the car, and his hands were shoved into the pockets of his black leather jacket. He was looking straight ahead, as if trying on purpose not to acknowledge her.

"Come on," Clare nudged him with her shoulder, "I'll be back in a few weeks. I won't stay gone for long this time, Eli. I'll be back, alright? I just need to get things fixed in New York. Then I can come back for a bit."

"You left once before. I should be used to this, huh? But I'm not, Blue Eyes. I'm not used to not having you in my life every day."

"Eli, we've been apart for ten years," Clare reminded him.

"The worst damn ten years of my life," Eli's eyes finally neglected whatever he had been staring off at, and dropped down to grab hers, "What can I say to make you come back?"

"You don't have to say anything," Clare grasped hold of the lapels of his jacket with both hands, "I _am_ coming back, Eli. You don't have to say or do anything."

"I've grown used to having you back. I don't want to think about there being days when I don't see you."

Clare felt a lump swell in her throat. She felt her vision grow bleary, as she said, "Eli…I…I have to go."

Eli's bottom lip drooped and he plastered on his best puppy-dog-look and Clare's heart turned to a puddle, "Eli…don't. _Please_ don't. That look can break hearts."

"And you leaving doesn't?"

"Eli…" Clare's tears boiled and she felt her head grow dizzy, "I-I have to go. I can't miss my flight."

"Come on," Ali touched a hand to his elbow, "If you want me to take you out for dinner on the way back…"

Eli ran a hand through his hair, and nodded, "Well, I guess this is goodbye."

"For now," Clare corrected, "I can still call you though. New York happens to have cell reception, you know," she reached up and touched his cheek with her hand, and noticed that the area closest to his eyes was dampened with tears, "Please don't do that."

"Clare…I lost Julia. I lost you twice. Don't make me lose you again."

"Eli…I really have to go," Clare wished she had all the time in the world to stand there with him, but she didn't. She needed to have already been through security, and she couldn't miss her flight. She turned to Ali and said, "Make sure he's okay, alright. Take care of him for me."

"I'll try," Ali placed her hand again on Eli's elbow, "Come on Romeo."

Eli held up his finger up to her, and turned to Clare, "Be safe, alright, Blue Eyes."

"I will, Eli. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Clare again grabbed hold of his lapels and brought his face to her level. She kissed him as passionately as she could. She wanted to kiss him in a way he'd remember. She wanted to kiss him in a way that'd tide him over long enough until she returned. She had no idea what they were or what they were doing. Were they dating now? Were they just so eager to be together again? Clare didn't know what this whole thing was between them, but she loved it.

After breaking away, she reached up and brushed some hair out of his eyes, "I'll see you soon. Ali, you take care too, alright? I'll call you as soon as I land, alright?"

"Sounds good. Come back soon, alright?"

"I will," they embraced and Clare picked up her bags. She didn't want to look back. She couldn't look back. If she even for a second looked back, it would have been enough to make her stay. Instead, she picked up her bags and walked through the doors without even a glance back. Besides, she couldn't let Eli see the tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Come on," Ali tugged at Eli's jacket, "We should get going too."

"I miss her already," Eli didn't take his eyes off the doors, and though the tears were racing down his cheeks, he didn't care enough to wipe them away. Ali felt her heart grow heavy, and she wanted nothing more than to fix this whole mess for the both of them, but there was nothing she could do. Clare did need to go back to New York. She had to get everything sorted out, no matter how painful her leaving would be. Seeing Eli cry though really was tough, and Ali quickly understood how difficult it had been on Clare. Eli was so lighthearted and so…special. There was something wrong about Eli crying. It was like, he should never have to cry. He should always be happy and joyful. Ali knew he was a pain in the butt, but she felt so sorry for him at that moment. It was as if watching something so beautiful, like a wild primrose, being crushed underfoot.

"I'll take you wherever you want for dinner," Ali suggested.

"I don't know if I'll feel much like eating."

"Look," Ali crossed her arms over her chest, "Clare told to me to take care of you, and that's what I am going to do. So you are coming with me to dinner, and you're going to eat something whether you want to or not."

Eli raised an eyebrow, and remembered arguing with Ali was like arguing with a brick wall. A brick wall with a temper that would easily have no problem putting you back in the place it felt you belonged. He knew it wouldn't do any good to protest, and he slunk back into the car.

"It'll be fine," Ali tried to be as comforting as she could, "Clare's just got to get everything taken care of back home, and then she'll be back," she turned the car back on and pulled away from the curb, "Clare isn't going to be gone for good."

"She has a life in New York, Ali. A job. Responsibilities."

"That doesn't mean she won't ever be back."

"It took her ten years to come back, Ali. Ten years, and that was because of Adam."

"Eli, this time it's different."

"How? How is it different?"

"Because this time she has something to come back for…you."

Clare had made it through security, to her terminal, and onto the plane. She was sitting in her seat, looking out the window at the men in yellow vests moving luggage onto the plane, when it suddenly hit her. Tomorrow, she wouldn't see Eli or Ali. Tomorrow, she'd be back in New York, and they wouldn't be there with her. She wouldn't be able to see Ali roll her eyes or flip her hair or hear her laugh. She wouldn't be able to see Eli's smirk or hear his chuckle or kiss him. She was really leaving them. A month suddenly began to feel like nothing, and yet everything.

She was really leaving Canada behind again. In a few hours, she would be back in New York, and she'd have to face everything on her own. Clare suddenly felt so incredibly immature. Of course she should be able to face this on her own; she was, after all, a grown woman. But something inside her caused her to feel as though something wasn't quite right. She wanted to run off the plane and out the door and back into Eli's arms. She wanted it to play out like a scene from some cheesy romantic comedy – the kind where the girl realizes in leaving, she's making a terrible mistake and rushes into the arms of her man, and they kiss passionately in the rain. Okay, so maybe no on the rain, but Clare wanted nothing more than to run off the plane and into Eli's arms.

She suddenly felt as though she had taken their time together for granted. They had lived together for a month – a month! And they day before she had to leave, they had shared their first kiss in ten years. Why hadn't they kissed sooner? Why hadn't they kissed every chance they had? What had been stopping them?

Fear. Uncertainty. Clare had been so nervous around him, but the love she still felt for him made up for that. Now, she wasn't scared of him; she was scared of being apart from him. She wiped at the tears on her cheeks, and tried to keep from gasping out a sob.

Why had she even left in the first place? Because she had gotten accepted into NYU. She had wanted to go that school since she was a little kid, and getting accepted was a dream come true. She had graduated from her undergrad program early, and quickly was on her way to getting her doctorate. She had finished that early too. NYU quickly hired her after graduation, and everything had happened so fast. She had always dreamed of teaching, but teaching at a school like NYU hadn't even been a possibility to her. Until she was offered the job.

She had gladly and willingly accepted. Clare loved her students. She loved the discussions they could share, and reading the essays and theses they wrote. Everything about her life had seemed so…perfect. Except for Brian. But soon Brian would be out of her life, and she could focus on herself and what she wanted.

But what if what she wanted was back in Canada?

Clare tossed her head back against the head rest and tried to ignore the pains in her stomach and in her chest. The plane lifted up into the air, and she was on her way back to New York, and away from everything – and everyone – she loved.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

Clare jiggled the key in the lock, and shoved the door open – practically falling inside. Her arms were full of her purse and bags, and she thought – only for a second – how nice it would be for someone to open the door for her. Then she remembered. She was twenty-eight years old, and divorced. She needed to start learning to be independent again.

After falling through the door, Clare gathered her bearings, and glanced around the living room. Boxes of every size were piled up, waiting for her. Brian was sitting on the couch, wine glass in hand. He was looking straight-forward at the TV (watching some documentary on The Cold War) and didn't even seem to notice that she had just fallen into the house.

"Hey," she nodded towards him, setting her bags down on the floor by the stairs.

"How was it back in Canada?" Brian asked, taking a sip of the wine.

"It was nice to be back," Clare admitted.

"As you can see," Brian kicked at one of the many boxes scattered all over the living room, "I packed up all your stuff for you. I thought about throwing everything away…I really did. But you know what, I don't really even care. Just as long as it's out of my house."

"Of course," Clare nodded, surveying the maze of boxes, "Um…thank you for uh…keeping this stuff. I appreciate it, I really do."

"Yeah," Brian took another sip, and an awkward silence fell over them like a fog. Clare realized then that nothing was really all that different. They hadn't really talked in quite some time, and she was accustomed to the silence and the cold stares. At least now, she was almost free from it.

"Adam is improving."

"Does it look like I give a damn if that tranny-freak is improving?" Clare's jaw fell lax at Brian's choice of words, but he didn't even skip a beat, "You go off to hang out with all your little freak friends…that suicidal theater guy, the tranny freak, the Indian chick…they've had a bad influence on you, Clare. I can tell."

"Excuse me?" Clare felt her cheeks begin to stain a painfully violent shade of beet crimson, "Brian…why…why are you saying these things?"

"You seem surprised?" Brian chuckled and folded his arms across his chest, "Clare, why do you think I never allowed you to go back to visit? I don't want them being a bad influence on you. It was already shameful enough to have that tranny walk you down the aisle and give the toast…my parents almost had a heart attack."

"They couldn't tell Adam was transgendered."

"They could because I told them," he chuckled again, "I told them that you had decided to let some gay freak walk you down the aisle instead of your own father!"

"Why'd you say something like that?" Clare demanded, "How could you? And Adam isn't gay! He's totally into girls. He's such a little…oh what did Eli always call him…a horn-dog!"

"_Eli_," Brian scoffed, spitting out the name as if it was a bad taste in his mouth, "Don't even get me started on that guy. Did you fuck him yet, whore!"

Clare's cheeks stung with the salty tears that were pouring from her eyes. She desperately wanted to say something, but her throat closed up, caging the words from escaping. She felt the room spin, and her head felt as though the oxygen in her brain had been replaced with helium.

"I-I need to go."

"Yeah, you do," Brian kicked one of the boxes towards her, "Load up your car, and go. I don't want to see your face until we have to meet with the lawyers."

"Fine," Clare bent down and hoisted the box onto her hip, "Take care, Brian."

He didn't even bother with a reply. Clare carried the numerous boxes out to her car. He had taped them up, and she didn't know what all was inside. For good measure, after all the boxes had been loaded into the car, she walked through the house just to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything of hers.

The living room seemed almost bare without her knick-knacks and pictures hanging on the wall. The kitchen was void of her little rot-iron Bible verses she had hung up on the walls. The dining room was still pretty much the same. The bedroom was pretty bare as well. Her closet was desolate; the bathroom was vacant of the little potpourri dishes she had scattered about. Everything was gone, packed up, and sitting in her car waiting to go to its new home – wherever that was.

Clare ran her hand down the bannister of the staircase before heading out. She wondered if she would ever see this house again; and if she didn't, would she even miss it at all? This house had been the keeper of secrets, the warden of forgotten wishes. This house had been home to silence and awkward dinners together. It had been a place of loneliness and quiet. As Clare shut the heavy door behind her, she realized she felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Never before would she have to walk into that house again.

She was _free_.

Clare hopped into the driver's seat, put her hands on the wheel, and realized she could go anywhere and do anything. It was a strange realization, and completely foreign to her. Then another realization hit – she didn't exactly have anywhere to go. She had colleagues at NYU, but she'd never really refer to them as friends, nor would they exactly take her in. She could go stay at a hotel – which was her original thought – but going to a lonely, cold hotel room didn't exactly rank high on her list either.

There was one place though – one place where she belonged. The one place where she knew, that no matter whatever it took, she could make it through.

Clare sighed and dug her cellphone from her purse. She dialed the number, and waited for an answer.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Richard Rawlins?"

"It is. Who is this?"

"Clare Edwards."

"Ah yes, Mrs. Edwards…is everything alright?"

"Well…I was wondering…I mean…people get divorced all the time right?"

"Enough of the time to keep me in business. Where are you going with this?"

"Well, I was just wondering if we could do this whole process through faxes and video chats rather than face-to-face meetings."

"Um…yes, of course…but when we spoke the other day, you said you would be fine with meeting in person. Is everything alright?"

"Well there have been some…uh…changes in the…um…condition of my friend up in Canada, and I was wondering if I could perhaps…well…do this whole divorce process from back in Canada?"

"Yes, of course, I hope everything is okay, Mrs. Edwards. I know this is a difficult position for you…but it may be easier for you to be in Canada with you friends and family. Yes, we can definitely handle everything through faxes and video conferences. Don't worry about it, I've got you taken care of."

"Thank you so much, Richard. You're the best!"

"Well, I do what I can," the lawyer chuckled on the other end of the line, "Just take care of yourself, Clare. I'll be in contact to get some paperwork from you, alright?"

"Perfect. There's a copy-shop I know of. I can give you the fax numbers as soon as I find them out, alright?"

"Alright. Well, you take care now, okay?"

"Don't worry, Richard. For once, I am actually going to do just that."

Clare tossed her phone back into purse, turned up the radio, and pressed down on the accelerator. She was going home, and she was never looking back.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

Eli sighed and shoved himself up from the bed. It was dark, and he cursed as he stumbled over a shoe in the middle of the floor. He glanced at the LED clock on his dresser – three a.m. He had a massive headache, but that didn't stop him from stumbling over to the bar in his living room. Eli poured himself a scotch, and sat down on the couch. He ran a hand through his hair, and adjusted his boxers. _What have you done this time, buddy_, Eli asked himself. He reached up to grab onto his neck – another habit of his when he was uncomfortable – and felt something sticky. He pulled his hand away, and noticed his fingertips with coated in something sticky, glittery, and pink.

Bringing his fingertips to his lips, he tasted it and scowled. Strawberry flavored. Eli grabbed the t-shirt off the floor, and scrubbed violently at his neck until the pain went from stinging to numb. _You really fucked this up, Ei. What the fuck is fucking wrong with you_? Eli felt like he had been doing a lot of that lately – screwing up. Was there something right he could? Whatever he touched seemed to tarnish. The LED clock on the cable box read 3:05, but Eli knew he had to make a phone call. He snuck back into the hallway, and retrieved his jeans from the floor next to the bedroom door. When he bent down to pick them up, he realized how bad his back hurt. He touched his shoulder with his fingers and felt swollen gashes. _Next time I'll just fuck a tiger – same effect…sorta._ Eli dug the cellphone from his back pocket, and quietly returned to the living room.

The cellphone rang five times before someone finally answered with a groggy hello.

"We need to talk."

"Eli, do you know what time it is? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Cece. I just…I need to talk to you."

"At three in the…oh alright," Eli could hear her voice soften a tad as she said, "I'm listening, baby. Tell me…uh…hold up. Let me get to the living room so I don't wake up your father. Okay, now can you tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Uh…well, Clare went back to New York yesterday."

"Oh baby," Cece's sighed, and Eli could see her put her head in her palm, "I am so sorry. But you knew that this was going to happen. I mean…she couldn't have stayed forever, hon. She has a live in New York. Especially now with the divorce…you couldn't have thought she would stay."

"I did," Eli winced, "I just…I hoped maybe she would realize how happy she was here…and not go back to New York."

"Oh my sweet baby," Eli imagined how if she were there right now, she'd probably cup his face in her hands like she always used to, "I know it's tough. She lived with you for quite some time there, and I know she probably got just as attached as you did. But she is facing this divorce mess, and she has a successful career. But…I will tell you this – don't give up on her. Hear me? Don't you give up on that girl. You remember the story I told you about meeting your father and how even though we were separated, we found each other again. It'll work out if it is meant to, baby."

"I guess."

"Eli…"

"Yeah, Ma?"

"What did you do tonight?"

"Oh…uh…well…" Eli ran a hand through his hair again, wondering how his mom was always capable of knowing things without having to be told. Growing up, he hated it. She knew whenever he cut school, whenever he made a bad grade, whenever he messed up. And now this.

"Tell me you at least know her name," Cece groaned into the phone, "Please."

"Uh…Gretchen."

"Gretchen," Cece tasted the name, "Well, you make sure Gretchen gets back safely to wherever she came from, alright? Get her some coffee and some toast in the morning. Make sure she gets a taxi or whatever safely. Pay for the taxi. I raised you well enough for you to at least do that."

"Yes ma'am."

"God," Cece growled, "Don't call me ma'am, please. You know I hate it when you do that. Anyways, just take care of her, and take care of yourself. Don't give up on Clare, but don't let this whole thing eat you up inside. I just…I want you to be alright."

"Don't worry," Eli tried to sound assuring, "Um…I'll call you sometime."

"Sometime would be nice," Cece laughed into the phone, "Love you."

"Love you too."

Eli tossed the phone onto the coffee table after hanging up. He propped his feet up next to the phone, and tried to get his thoughts straight. He couldn't believe he had really brought Gretchen back to his place. He couldn't believe he had just let Clare leave like that. Just as he was about to start muttering a slew of curse words, there was a knock on the door. Eli glared at the clock, just to double check the time. Who the hell could possibly be coming for a visit at three in the morning?

When he didn't answer the door right away, the knocking grew persistent. Eli glanced back to the hallway, hoping the knocking hadn't woken Gretchen. That was the last thing he needed…for her to catch her second wind.

"Keep your pants on!" Eli called towards the door before swinging it open, "_Whoa_."

"Yeah," Clare blushed and stared down at her scuffy sneakers, "So…um…I was totally going to just stay in a hotel in New York, but then I thought why stay in a hotel when I could come back home and see everyone and…and well…there will be other teaching positions and…"

"_Whoa_," Eli repeated, his eyes popping from his skull, "Alright, um…let's start from the beginning, shall we? Uh…come on in," he said, swinging the door open, allowing her to step into the apartment.

"What's that smell? Is that…Chanel perfume? Oh wait…" Clare sniffed again, "Knock-off Chanel. Oh and look at this," she lifted a pink glittery top off the floor of the living room, "Now, either you have some double-life I don't know of, or you have a girl in here."

"Uh…Clare…I've been meaning to tell you something for quite some time…well…I…I moonlight as a dancer under the name TinkerBella at the…"

"Shut up," Clare laughed, rolling her eyes towards the ceiling.

"Well, it was easier than telling you there is a girl asleep in my room right now. Uh…can I uh…fix you a drink?"

Clare nodded, and when Eli turned to the bar, she gasped, "Eli! Your back!"

"Oh," he blushed, a small smirk creeping across his face, "Gretchen has nails."

"Oh God," Clare looked horrified, "_Seriously_?"

"She may or may not be slightly into S&M…I haven't determined yet," he poured Clare a glass of scotch, and handed it to her before sitting down on the couch next to her, "But enough of Gretchen…what the hell are you doing here?"

"Well," Clare smiled down at her drink, "After hearing some not-so-nice things from Brian, I decided to pack up my stuff and go to a hotel to live there until getting an apartment sorted out. But then when I got the car…I realized I was free of him. I could go anywhere and do anything. And the first thing I asked myself is where I wanted to go. There was only one thing that came into mind – and that was here."

"Wow," Eli downed the last of his scotch, "So…what did you mean other teaching jobs? Are you…are you going to stay here?"

"Yeah," a small smile quickly turned into a full grin, "I am! I just…I needed to be home. I needed to be with the people I care about, Eli. I can't be in that city alone anymore. This is my home. My lawyer said everything can be handled over the phone and through faxes…I am really staying!"

"Wow. That's…that's so…" a devilish smirk crossed his lips as Eli tossed the glass to the floor and jumped on top of her, "It's been _exactly_ five minutes since you got here and you haven't given me a single kiss. Make up for that."

"Eli," Clare half-heartedly protested, "What about Gretchen?"

"I'm not going to tell you again," Eli tweaked an eyebrow, "Now shut up, Edwards._ I'm going to kiss you until you're dizzy_!"

**Author's Note: Short, but the next chapter will be a bit longer. Thank you all so much for reading this! It means so much to me, and all the kind things you all have said…every word has genuinely touched my heart! **


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Guess who got a Twitter? That's right, this girl! It's just for my fanfiction stuff, and you can follow me for updates and inside scoops about my stories and what I'm up to. You guys are the best, and I'd love if we could all communicate through Twitter. Let's give it a try! Just go to (it won't let me type the email address) twitterdotcom/PhantomsRose726 and you should find me!**

Chapter Twenty-Three

Clare stirred and realized that she was on a couch. The sunlight streamed through the cracks of the blinds, softly illuminating the apartment. She glanced around the floor and saw discarded clothes strewn about. For a moment, panic coursed through her. Then she realized she was still adorning a t-shirt and jeans, and remembered the girl Eli had been with before she arrived.

Clare stretched, and stood from the couch. She made her way towards the kitchen to find Eli standing at the toaster preparing toast and coffee.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he smirked, "How did you sleep?"

"Fine I think. I just…I still can't believe that I'm here."

"That makes two of us," Eli admitted, buttering up a piece of bread before popping it into the toaster oven, "Gretchen hasn't gotten up yet, but I figured I'd make us all some toast and coffee. I'm going to call her a cab when she wakes up, just to make sure she gets back safely."

"Ah yes, Gretchen," Clare slid into a bar stool at the counter, "So care to tell me how you came to meeting her?"

"Oh well we were at a…um…conference on abstinence and…"

"Shut up," Clare chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"Alright, so I found her at a bar," Eli admitted, "Ali took me out to dinner after you left, but I just…I wanted to…I wasn't in a good place last night," Eli explained, "And I met Gretchen. We got pretty hammered, and I decided – through some lapse in judgment – to bring her back to my place."

"And you two had hot, violent sex?" Clare raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of coffee from the cup Eli slid in her direction.

"Yeah," Eli winced, "I wouldn't exactly call it hot. Painful, violent sex is more like it. I couldn't sleep on my back last night. You don't have nails do you?"

"Eli," Clare shook her head, "If I had nails, I wouldn't do that to you – assuming that we would have sex in the first place."

"Oh, is that how it is?" Eli asked playfully.

Clare didn't say anything, just smiled sweetly over the rim of her mug.

Eli good-humoredly waggled a finger at her, and was about to say something when they were interrupted.

"Who's she?"

"Oh, good morning!" Eli turned his attention to Gretchen, "Um, this is Clare. She stopped by this morning. I made us toast and coffee if you want a bite to eat. Also, I'm going to get a cab to come take you home, alright?"

"Uh-huh," the girl hopped up on the bar stool next to Clare.

"I see you found a towel," Eli pulled the toast out of the oven with a fork as Gretchen pulled the towel tighter around her, "Good. I think your clothes are all the floor, but I'll help you get everything together before the cab comes."

"Thanks, honey," Gretchen giggled, taking the toast and coffee Eli offered her, "So, Clare? Are you a friend of Eli's?"

"Yeah, you can say that," Clare sipped her coffee.

"He's an animal in the bedroom, huh? Aren't you, sexy?"

Eli's cheeks turned a furious shade of crimson, and Clare said, "Well, he has his moments."

"Hey!" Eli's blush deepened, "That's enough of discussing my um…moves in the bedroom."

"Or on the kitchen counters."

"Oh!" Clare lifted her plate off the counter and looked from Eli to Gretchen in horror.

"I'm just kiddin', baby," Gretchen giggled, "We did it on the coffee table in the living room."

"We were both super drunk," Eli explained to Clare, "I-I don't even remember what all…"

"And he did this thing with his tongue…"

"Okay!" Eli held his hands up, "That is enough of that. I'm going to call you a cab, alright?"

"Okkie dokkie!" Gretchen beamed, nibbling on the toast.

Eli placed a phone call to the cab company, and the rest of breakfast was eaten in silence until it was time for Gretchen to leave. Eli helped her gather her clothes up off the floor, and directed her into the bathroom to change.

When Gretchen was out of earshot, Clare commented, "You didn't seem _that_ drunk when I came over this morning."

"Well…uh…I might have just been a little drunk."

"But still coherent enough to know what you were doing with Gretchen."

"Okay," Eli admitted, "So maybe I was just really upset over you leaving and I just…I wanted to forget, alright?"

"I'm sorry I ever left," Clare hopped off the barstool and carried her plate and mug over to the sink, "Really. This is where I belong, Eli. I need to be here with all of my friends. This is where I am supposed to be. Not in New York City alone."

"What are you going to do?" He asked, rinsing off her plate in the sink.

"Well, I guess start looking for an apartment, and a job."

"Is my cab here yet?" Gretchen appeared, fully clothed (if you could call it that) in the living room.

"Almost. Do you want to wait in here or do you just want to head downstairs?"

"I'll just wait outside."

"Okay, well here's some cash for the cab."

"Ooh, a gentleman! You're a keeper," Gretchen giggled, "Seriously. Calling a cab and paying for the cab and making me breakfast…you're a real gentleman, honey. Maybe I'll see you around sometime."

"Maybe," Eli handed her the money.

As she headed towards the door, Eli waved goodbye saying, "Take care, Gretchen."

"Um, it's Mercedes," she corrected, shutting the door behind her. Eli's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

Smirking, Clare turned to him and asked, "How, exactly, does one screw that up _that_ badly?"

"Shut up," Eli hissed, blushing furiously, "I don't want to hear it from you."

"Mercedes doesn't even sound anything like Gretchen. How in the world did you get Gretchen from…"

"Shut up," Eli's eyes narrowed into slits, "I was drunk, okay?"

"Apparently. So, are you going to take me somewhere for a real breakfast, or do I just get coffee and toast?"

Eli, after much eye-rolling and many remarks on how she didn't deserve breakfast after her little discussion with his one-night-stand about his abilities in the bedroom, Eli finally gave in and took Clare out for breakfast at a little diner close to the apartment. It wasn't far at all, so the two decided to walk. On their way there, Clare relayed to Eli what had happened when she had gone home, and the things that Brian had said to her.

"Wow…I'm glad you came here. I'm not just saying that because of us, Clare. I just…I feel as if this is where you need to be. Your family is here, and I just am glad you came home."

"Me too," Clare admitted, "When I heard him say those things, I just knew I couldn't let him hold me back anymore. I needed to be free, and now that I am free, I can go anywhere I wish – and where I wish to go is here."

"I'm black you're back, Clare," Eli swung his arm over her shoulder, "Seeing you walk away yesterday was one of the toughest things I've ever had to watch. I was so scared of losing you."

"You're never going to lose me, Eli," Clare rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to make their way towards the diner.

**Author's Note: So now you're all gonna go follow me on Twitter, right? Haha you don't have to, but I'd love to just be able to keep you all updated and in touch through that. Thanks again for reading!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: My timeline is confusing me. I guess I should write it out, but oh well. I'm sorry, you guys! But for the sake of my story, let's just make it so that Bianca is back in time for the trails of the five guys that hurt Adam. Okkie dokkie?**

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Are you ready for this?" Bianca asked, slipping the over-sized hoop earring into her left ear.

"No," Drew winced, tugging on the tie around his neck, desperately trying to keep it from looking like a crooked mess, "But I suppose we have to be. We need to do this though, we need to face them and hopefully bring Adam some justice."

"Oh here," Bianca rolled her eyes and slapped Drew's hands away from the tie, "I can't believe you _still_ can't get this right," she sighed, retying it perfectly, "And I know what you mean. I am not really ready either. I just…I don't know what it will be like to see them face to face."

Drew nodded, "Thanks for fixing that, by the way."

"No problem," Bianca smiled a far-away smile, "It's the least I can do in return for you letting me crash here until I can get my own place. I am so sorry about all the boxes everywhere."

"Don't even worry about it," Drew headed to the adjoining bathroom and squirted some hair gel into his palm, before applying it, "You're always welcome here, Bi. Oh, I spoke to my mom last night. She said that Clare had moved back! She said that she was just going to finalize the divorce through faxes and video chats. I think she's crashing at Eli's for now."

"Good for them. I always thought they belonged together."

"Oh don't even think about going and playing matchmaker," Drew rolled his eyes, spritzing himself with a douse of cologne, "Besides, I don't think they need any help in that department."

Bianca sighed and fluffed her curls, "Come on, we're going to be late if we don't get a move on."

"I know," he abandoned the bathroom and grabbed his sports coat off of the bed before slipping it over his shoulders, "How do I look?"

Bianca rolled her eyes, "It's a trial, Drew, not a wedding."

It was Drew's turn to roll his eyes, as he growled, "Shut up," he softened and added, "You look really good by the way. In that uh…erm…skirt thing."

"It's a dress, Drew," Bianca patted the lapel of his jacket, "And thank you."

They headed out to the car, and towards the courthouse. Drew gripped the steering wheel until his hands began to clamp up, and his knuckles turned a ghostly white. No matter what would happen that afternoon, Adam would still be in a coma. He was doing better. He was responding to sounds and touch, but other than that, everything was the same.

Drew tried to visit every day, but it was hard. He never thought he'd have to see Adam in such a condition. Adam, who was always smiling and full of life, and waiting with a jab or encouraging word – anything to get a smile out of anyone. Drew couldn't help but feel guilty; he was the big brother. It was his job to look out for him. And he had failed.

"How are you?" Clare asked as Eli's car sped down the highway towards the courthouse.

"Fine," Eli said, not removing his eyes from the road.

"Eli…"

"I _said_ I'm _fine_!"

Clare nodded, and continued to stare out the window. She knew today would be difficult for him. All morning, she felt as though she were walking on eggshells with him. She tried not to get too annoyed with his flippancy, but it still hurt. _This isn't him_, Clare reminded herself, _he's just worked up about the trail._

It had been a long morning. Clare had got up and fixed breakfast – Eli's favorite: scrambled eggs, bacon, and Belgium waffles. Of course, he wasn't in the mood to eat, and Clare had to eat alone. Then there was the getting dressed fiasco. Eli couldn't find his other dress sock, and had torn the apartment apart looking for it. Clare, of course, found it in the sock drawer. Oh, and the fact that they were running late now, thanks to the sock fiasco, didn't help matters either. Eli was on edge, and the tension in the car was heavy.

Clare picked at her red nail polish. Shortly after moving in with Eli, and after much begging, Eli had agreed to let Clare have a girls' night with Fiona and Ali. They'd stayed up all night drinking expensive wine and watching movies like Mean Girls and She's the Man – movies from their high school days. Eli had gone out for drinks with Adam. The next day, after their little slumber party, they had all gone to get manis and pedis to celebrate Clare being back. Ali had rolled her eyes and asked Clare why she even bothered getting her nails done when, at the first sign of stress, the polish would all be picked off anyway.

Clare had promised she'd give up the habit, but there she was once again, tearing the red paint off like it was poisoned. She scraped a little too hard, and winced. She shook her hand to dull the pain, and Eli – for the first time since getting in the car – looked at her.

"You're gonna start scraping nail off if you keep that up," he warned.

Clare was silent, and Eli sighed and didn't push the matter any further. He knew he shouldn't have been so snappy with her today, but there was a lot on his mind. He hadn't gotten any sleep, and instead had taken to sitting up with a bottle of Jameson. Normally, he'd call up Adam and they'd share a bottle. But last night, he chose to just let Clare sleep, and drank alone.

Now, he was hung over, and angry – not a very good combination for anyone, much less Eli.

The car pulled up to the courthouse and Eli and Clare hopped out. Eli turned to walk towards the entrance, but stopped himself. He fell back against the car, and cradled his head in the crook of his thumb and index finger. Clare hurried over to him, and noticed his shoulders heaving.

"Oh, Eli," She grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug, "Eli, honey."

"I'm fine," he repeated, "I'm fine."

"If you were fine," Clare grabbed his face in her hands and forced him to meet her eyes, "then I'd be worried."

"I just don't know how I can face them without wanting to beat the shit out of them."

"It's okay to feel like that," Clare wiped away the tears with her fingertips, "Really. What they did…they deserve to pay. And the judge will see to that. Are you ready to go inside now?"

Eli nodded, "Thank you, Clare. I don't know how I could face any of this without you."

Clare smiled, took his hand, and together they walked into the courthouse.

Once inside, they headed towards the courtroom. Everything was so overwhelming. Thankfully, Fiona was waiting outside the courtroom for them.

"Hey," she ran over and gave them both a huge hug, "Everyone's already inside, but I wanted to make sure you two were okay. I know you were very close to Adam, and this is going to be difficult. Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm afraid not," Eli sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets, "I guess I always knew this day would come, but now that it's here…I just…I never expected it to be so difficult."

"Well, there's no way the judge will get them off," Fiona reminded him, "The cops have all the evidence. These guys are going to jail for an awful long time!"

They headed inside and took their seats along with the others. Drew sat by his mother, with Bianca on the other side of him. Fiona sat by Bianca, and Clare sat next to Ali. The whole time, she held on to Eli's hand, not daring to let go. She knew he needed that more than anything right now.

He ran his thumb over her hand as a silent thank you.

The process started. There were witness testimonies, and the girl who had placed the call spoke. The defendants spoke, and the lawyers spoke. Everything seemed to be a nightmare. The doctors spoke and talked on Adam's injuries, and told in detail what had taken place that fateful night. Clare noticed a single tear roll down Eli's cheek as the doctor described the sodomy with the pipe and the damage it had done. She squeezed his hand even harder, trying to fight back her own tears.

"He was beaten so badly," one of the doctors said, "That his jaw and ribs were shattered. He had some bruising and puncturing of the lungs. His jaw had to be wired shut, and we had to do surgeries on the lungs and implant a breathing tube, as well as a tube to secrete the fluids from the lungs. His arms and legs had been crushed. He had been kicked in the head repeatedly, causing a hemorrhage known as an aneurysm."

"_God_," Eli squeezed Clare's hand.

"There was a pipe in the ally. They used the pipe to repeatedly sodomize Mr. Torres. The colon was severely damaged on account of the numerous insertions. It is a surprise...to all of us that have worked with Mr. Torres, and his family, that he even survived. There was massive blood-loss, and the damage to his internal organs was like nothing I have ever seen before."

Even the doctor was looking on the verge of tears as he said something that caught Eli's attention, "I am not a religious man at all, your honor, but the only explanation I can find for Mr. Torres having lived through all of this is nothing short of a miracle."

The doctors was then asked to explain the condition Adam was currently in, and talk about chances and percentages, all of which Clare blocked out. She didn't want to hear the doctors say things like seventy-percent chance of recovery. That meant that that thirty percent was still a possibility, and she didn't want to hear it.

The judge called for closing statements from both lawyers. Eli's head fell to Clare's shoulder, and he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

"I can't do this," he whispered, his breath hot against her flesh, "Oh God, I can't...I can't do this."

"You can," Clare whispered back, brushing the bangs from his forehead, "You can do this."

The jury was dismissed, and everyone went their separate ways until they were to be called back in for the verdict. Audra, Drew, Bianca, Fiona, Ali, Clare, and Eli just sat there for a moment, not really knowing what to do. Audra dabbed at her eyes with a Kleenex, and said, "Come on guys, we have to go."

They stood, their legs shaky underneath them, and headed outside. There was a vending machine and a Coke machine, but no one felt much in the mood for refreshments. Drew hugged his mother tightly, and rested his chin on her head, "It's gonna be okay, Mom," he tried to sound strong, and the very sight nearly broke Bianca's heart.

"How are you holding up?" Ali asked, placing a hand on Clare's shoulder. She and Eli were sitting on one of the benches outside of the courtroom.

"I could be better," Clare admitted, "What about you?"

"Same," Ali nodded, "Eli, what about you?" Ali winced, knowing that this whole thing was especially difficult on Eli.

"Adam deserves justice," Eli swallowed the lump in his throat, "And if that means us having to relive this pain, then fine by me. Everything pales in comparison to what he went through, and will go through when he wakes up. This…this is nothing."

Ali smiled a sad smile, knowing that Eli was going through hell, "Well, I admire you," she said honestly, before turning to find Fiona.

Fiona was leaning sitting on the marble stairs, wiping at her running nose, "You know," she said when Ali approached her, "I should have known better than to wear makeup today."

"I have water-proof mascara in my bag," Ali offered.

"No thank you," Fiona patted the step and Ali took a seat next to her, "It's so hard…hearing these things again. Reliving all of this again. I just…I want it to be over. I want to wake up and have this all be some stupid nightmare."

"I know," Ali sighed and stared at the scene below, "I just…I want everything to be okay. I want Adam to wake up, and I want everyone to be happy again."

"Ali," Fiona reminded her, "It's us. Once this is over, it'll just be some other drama that'll break us all apart again."

"Don't say that," Ali snapped, "Please, don't say that! I know we've all had our drama, but that was ten years ago. We are all adults now – adults who have been given this second chance to come together. Bianca and Clare moved back here because of all of this. If we survive this, nothing else can break us apart."

"I hope you're right," Fiona sighed and wiped away a tear, "Degrassi had so much drama, Ali. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. We would fight and breakup like nothing mattered. We'd throw each other away and walk over each other. We'd lie and steal and cheat. We'd hurt others. We'd act like we were the only ones that mattered. It was all so petty…what did it even accomplish? Losing friendships? Losing relationships? What did all that drama get us?"

Ali wiped away a tear, remembering how in high school, drama revolved around her, "I don't know, Fiona. It was all so pointless. We took advantage of each other. We thought we'd always be there, so we'd walk all over each other. We'd toss each other out because we knew the next day, we'd still all be there. And then we graduated and went our separate ways…and nothing was ever the same again after that."

"Adam is a good guy," Fiona said, "A really good guy. I'd have been lucky to have him. Anyone would be."

"You just aren't into guys, Fi. It wasn't your fault."

"I know," Fiona sighed, "I just…I want him to have the chance to have a really great relationship. He deserves it. He deserves to have this amazing, head-over-heels kind of relationship. I couldn't give that to him…and now I wonder if he'll ever get that chance."

"He will," Ali promised.

About forty-five minutes later, they were all called back in for the reading of the verdict. All five men were charged with the most severe sentence on the table – forty years in prison. Everyone clapped and cheered and Eli grabbed Clare and lifted her off the ground to kiss her.

"This is great!" Bianca hugged Drew.

"Isn't it?" He turned to his mother who was stoic in her chair, "Ma? Isn't it great? Mom? It's over. It's finally over!"

"My baby's still in a coma," Audra dabbed at her eyes with the Kleenex again, "It's not over. It's far from over."

**Author's Note: I don't know about courts and trials and legal processes but I hope you don't mind if I made a few mistakes. **


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note: I love this story, and last night I couldn't sleep and had a bagillion thoughts racing through my mind – thanks a lot Bipolar Disorder! Anyways, it turned out to be all good, because I had a thousand ideas for this story. I realized how much I love writing this, and how I don't want it to be over yet; so just so you know, this is far from over!

Chapter Twenty-Five

_**Two months later...**_

Clare sat down on the couch next to Eli. He was watching is favorite movie, The Dark Knight – eyes completely glued to the screen. Clare could still remember how, after they first saw it together, he wouldn't, and couldn't, stop talking about how brilliant Christopher Nolan was. Eli loved how Nolan could take old elements from years gone by, and make them new again by adding his own personal touches, and presenting them through his own eyes.

Clare had tried not to grow frustrated with him as he talked on and on for days about The Dark Knight. He had also been fascinated with Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker. The Joker was one of Eli's favorite villains, and he had been absolutely enthralled.

"Are you actually going to watch with me?" Eli peeled his eyes off of the TV just long enough to notice the stack of papers on Clare's lap, "More grading?"

"Yes," Clare sighed and clicked open her red pen, "When do you ever get all of your grading done?"

"Didn't you know, Clare? That's my superpower – stealth grading skills."

Clare rolled her eyes, "Eli Goldsworthy: Teacher, Playwright, Ninja."

"I like the sound of that," Eli turned back towards the television screen, "You seem to be settling in well. Sure you don't mind teaching tenth graders?"

"I wasn't sure at first," Clare admitted, nibbling on the end of the pen, "When you first came to me and told me that Degrassi had, once again, rezoned and was in need of a few extra teachers, I was apprehensive. I am used to my NYU students, not Degrassi students. It's a whole entire different dynamic I am teaching to."

"But you don't mind, do you?" Eli paused the movie and glanced back at Clare, worry etching across his face, "I just…I know the NYU job meant so much to you, and now you're stuck living here with me, and taking on the extra classes I couldn't possibly teach myself and…"

"Eli," Clare reached over and placed her hand on his, "I love teaching at Degrassi. It's _fun_ to be back, and I don't mind teaching high school at all. It's not NYU, but you know what? I wouldn't want it to be. And don't even think for a moment that I regret moving here and living with you, alright? Moving home, moving in with you, taking on the job as an add-on English teacher…those were some of the best decisions I have ever made. I wouldn't trade those decisions for anything."

Eli smiled, brought her hand to his lips, and lightly caressed her wrist, "Mean it?"

"Of course," Clare let a small blush veil her cheeks, "Now, stop being so romantic, and let me get started on grading. You're such a _distraction_!"

"Am I now?" Eli raised a teasing eyebrow, earning himself a shove with her foot, "Alright, alright. Enjoy your grading while I watch the most epic movie ever made!"

Clare laughed, and returned to her papers. She had been teaching for just about three weeks now, and was currently loving each moment of it. It had been a tough transition at first – from college students in one of the top schools, to high schoolers with attitude problems. However, she saw them as they had all once been – ten years ago.

In her classes, there was a girl who wore too much mascara, loved the color pink a little too much, and craved drama like it was chocolate. There was one boy in her class who seemed to be channeling 90s gothic/punk attire, and who was in severe need of an attitude adjustment. One girl was an over-achiever – shy, but when coaxed out of her bubble could be the life of the party. Clare loved getting to know them. At NYU, she had so many students, and barely enough time to learn their names!

Clare turned her attention back to the papers. The prompt had been to write about a life-changing event. Some of them talked about deaths of families and friends. Some of them talked about moving away. One talked about her brother's transition from female to male. Clare dropped the papers as if they were hot coals, and could barely move.

"What's wrong?" Eli paused the movie for a second time, "Clare?" He noticed the papers on the floor, "Are you okay, honey?"

"No," Clare shook her head, "It's just…one girl wrote about her brother…and his transition. It just…it made me miss Adam."

"Oh Clare," Eli pulled her into a hug.

"The girl mentioned finding her – at the time – sister burning herself with a hairclip she had heated with a lighter. Adam…_Gracie_…used to do that. I found her one time at the picnic tables, and she was in the middle of burning herself. I made her stop…and I don't know if she ever did that again."

Eli held her tighter, "I had no idea," Eli shook his head.

"The scars were very mild," Clare explained, "It would have been hard to notice."

Eli swallowed the lump that formed in his throat, "We were there for Gracie, though Clare. And we are here for Adam. We helped Gracie through everything, and we helped Adam through everything – and will continue to do so."

"I just miss having him around," Clare admitted, "Even though I had moved away, we would email a bunch. He was always there for me, Eli."

"He was always there for everyone," Eli reminded her, "And that's why we are all there for him now. It's been awhile…do you want to go see him tomorrow?"

"I'd like that," Clare nodded, "Eli…I am so proud of you."

"_Why_?" Eli scoffed.

"Because you're holding it together so much better than I am."

"Clare, I wish I was holding it together, but I'm not. You haven't seen me lose it in a while because I try to keep that part hidden from you. I am supposed to be strong for you, Clare."

"Eli…you don't have to be strong for me. Don't try to pretend for me, alright? If you're hurting, let me know and we can help each other through this."

"I just feel like…I feel like I lost my brother, Clare," Eli confessed, rubbing his hand across his face trying to gather himself, "I miss him…I miss him a bunch."

"These papers can wait," Clare knelt down to the floor and stacked them together before placing them on the coffee table, "For now, I am going to fix us a big bowl of popcorn and we are going to watch The Dark Knight."

"Thank you."

That night Clare and Eli fell asleep together in his bed. When she had first moved in, Eli had allowed Clare to put her stuff in the guest bedroom, but she hadn't used the bed once. There was something about falling asleep together in each other's arms that they both craved, and vowed never to take for granted. Eli loved having her back in his life, and being table to hold her as if he'd never let go meant the world to him.

When his alarm sounded, Eli groggily hopped out of bed and padded off towards the kitchen. It was Saturday, and he loved surprising Clare with breakfast in bed on Saturdays. They both had to leave early in the mornings for school, and breakfast usually consisted of a bagel with blueberries and cream cheese before rushing out the door. Saturdays were the days Eli could afford to spoil her a bit, which he absolutely loved getting to do.

With Clare back in his life, he felt like there was so much to make up for. Even though they had both agreed their pasts were water under the bridge, Eli still felt compelled to temporarily (keyword being temporarily) neglect his hard-exterior, and be a romantic goofball. Breakfast in bed was just one of the numerous ways Eli chose to express his love for Clare.

Though they hadn't voiced those words in years, Eli knew he wasn't the only one that had never stopped. He could tell Clare loved him, but they were both too frightened to say it; so Eli took to saying it in other ways – such as making breakfast. This morning, he decided on waffles, scrambled eggs, chicken apple sausage, and OJ. He wasn't the most excellent of cooks, but he had learned shortly after Clare had moved in. In fact, it had been a huge surprise – she had come home from choosing to stay late at school, to find candlelight and homemade chicken cordon blu.

After fixing breakfast, Eli arranged everything upon a tray and carried it into the bedroom. He took just a moment – maybe less than fifteen seconds – to admire how angelic Clare looked as she slept. She snored every-so-slightly, and he treasured every noise, every movement.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty," Eli sat the tray down on the nightstand, and placed a hand on Clare's shoulder. She stirred slightly, and yawned, her eyes blinking, focusing on the man standing before her.

"Hey there, yourself," a sleepy smile crawled across her lips.

"It's Saturday, beautiful."

Clare's eyes dropped towards the tray on the stand, "Eli," her voice was groggy and gravely with sleep, "You spoil me too much."

"No more than you deserve," Eli grinned adamantly as Clare scooted so that she was sitting up, allowing Eli room to sit down next to her, and sat the tray on their laps, "How did you sleep?"

"You stole the blankets," Clare pouted.

"I am not responsible for the actions I commit in my slumber," Eli raised an eyebrow.

"Oh hush," Clare rolled her eyes, "I nearly froze!"

"When you're cold you snuggle up closer to me," Eli explained, "Am I cruel for that?"

"Hmm," Clare thought it over, eyeing her waffle with hungry eyes, "Breakfast makes up for it. What time do you want to go to the hospital?"

"Whenever you want, beautiful. What did I say about Saturdays when you first moved back?"

"That they're our days," Clare remembered, cutting into her waffle.

Eli had told her when she had first moved back, that Saturdays would be their special day to just hang out and do whatever together. Even though they taught at the same school, they didn't have much time together to just be…together. Eli had suggested the idea in order to get to know each other again.

Clare bit her lip at the memory. Eli was so sweet, and so perfect. All of the sweetness and perfection were so fragile though. One slip up, and everything could be crushed. It had been two months, and Eli seemed stable. He was on his pills regularly, and was seemingly controlling himself very well. Clare still was nervous though. She was worried that if she pushed too far, or got too close, that everything would end. It was an irrational fear, or so she told herself, but the fear still plagued her.

"Yup," Eli cut off a bite of the waffle and popped it into his mouth, "So whenever you'd like."

"How about after breakfast?" Clare suggested, taking a bite of eggs for herself, "If that's okay?"

"That's more than okay, Edwards," Eli smiled down at her, "It'll be good to see him again."

"Have you talked to Audra or Drew lately?" Clare inquired.

"No…Drew is in Chicago I think for a piece, and Bianca – from what I heard – is still crashing at his place. Audra…Cece said she'd try to give Audra a call sometime this coming week to touch base."

"You know," Clare's eyes lit up, and Eli groaned, "What?"

"Nothing," Eli growled, taking a sip of OJ.

"You totally knew what I was going to say," Clare pointed a teasingly accusing finger at him.

"What? That you have yet to see my mother after being back here for two months? Yeah, you've been pestering me about it for a few weeks now."

"When do I get to see them, Eli?" Clare begged, and Eli wished – for half a second – that she wasn't so damn adorable.

"I don't know," Eli shrugged, "We've all been busy…"

"We could have CeCe and Bullfrog over for dinner one night," Clare suggested, "We could cook this delicious meal and…what's wrong, Eli? Don't they want to see me?" The smile on her face fell, and a shadow of sadness was cast over in its place.

"Of course they do," Eli tugged softly at one of the messy auburn curls, "Cece's been buggin' me about it since I told her that you were back for good. It's just…I don't want them to ruin anything. I like how we are now."

"What do you mean?" Clare's brow furrowed as she tried to follow.

"Having you see them again makes this…it makes this real."

"Is it not real already?" Clare's voice was laced with worry, and Eli was quick to reply.

"Of course it's real! It's so _very_ real! But…I just…I don't want to curse this. I don't want to do anything that would damage us."

"Your parents would _not_ damage us," Clare rolled her eyes.

"But it'd make this…official. And if it's official, it's damageable. Breakable."

"What, exactly, is _this_?" Clare asked, bringing up their relationship status for the first time.

"Some undeserving jackass who, for some odd reason, has been given the second chance at having the most amazing woman in the world be in his life once again," Eli raised an eyebrow, waiting nervously for her reply.

Clare nodded solemnly, "Okay, well that's all very well and good…except for one thing."

"Hmm?"

"You're not a jackass, and you are not underserving," Clare reached up and placed a hand on his cheek, giving him a chaste kiss to the lips, "You are Eli, and I am Clare. That's what we are."

"I like that," Eli twisted a curl gently around his finger.

"You know what?" Clare smiled into his eyes, "Me too."

When they arrived at the hospital, they headed towards Adam's room. He had been removed from ICU to his own private room in a special ward for coma and unresponsive patients. When they had first seen the room, everyone was amazed at how "normal" it had seemed. Adam's hospital bed and machines were in the middle, but there were two couches, several chairs, a big screen TV, and a bathroom for guests attached. There was a small kitchenette area, with a sink separate from the medical sink next to the bed, and a small microwave.

As the elevator dinged, and the doors open, Clare first noticed how hectic the ward seemed. Nurses and doctors were rushing about, trying to remain calm but walking as though they had fire under their heels.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know," Eli ran a hand through his hair, "Um…nurse," Eli stopped a heavy-set woman as she was about to scurry past, "We're here to see Adam Torres…"

"Oh thank goodness! We've been trying to contact his closest relative…"

"What happened?" Clare's eyes were as wide as saucers, and Eli's hand slipped protectively around hers.

"Mr. Torres has woken up," the nurse explained.

"_Oh my god_," Clare gripped Eli's hand, "How is he? Is everything okay? When did he…"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry," the nursed held up her hand, "Try and calm down, alright? Mr. Torres _seems_ healthy, but we are calling the neurologist to come have a peek at him. He's…he's functioning but he's confused. I think someone familiar would do him good. Here, I'll take you."

"_Adam's awake_!" Clare turned to Eli, a huge grin on her face. Eli's face, however, was more stoic.

"Confused?" Eli asked, following behind the nurse.

"You'll see what I mean," the nurse pushed open Adam's door and headed inside, "Hello," she said softly to the man in the bed, "I am Nurse Angela, remember me?" The man nodded, and Eli and Clare had to do all they could to keep from rushing to his side.

The bandage that had once adorned his head for numerous weeks was long-shed. In its place, a few little tufts of blonde hair. His eyes and cheeks seemed hollow, but there was a faint trace of a smile when he saw that he had company. It wasn't the smile Eli and Clare had hoped for; this smile was lost. It was a smile that said: _The nurse came. She smiled at me, I am supposed to smile back. _Mechanical, forced, scripted.

"Some friends of yours came to see you," Nurse Angela turned to Clare and Eli.

"Hi!" A huge grin broke out across Eli's face, "It's good to see you, bud."

"Adam!" Clare hurried over to the edge of the bed, and Eli tagged behind, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you again!"

Confusion etched across his face, crinkling his forehead, and casting a shadow across his eyes. He turned to his guests, and titled his head, as if trying to memorize their facial features.

"I am going to place a few calls," the nurse turned to leave, "If you need anything, just press the buzzer."

Eli nodded and turned back to Adam, "Man, you really scared me there. How…how do you feel?"

The man groaned, and Eli thought he could see a shadow of his friend, his brother, creep through the shell that was currently lying in the bed

"Well...I have a massive headache," Adam touched his IV pierced hand to his forehead.

"I think that's normal with everything you've been through," Clare smiled at him, and Adam in turn, smiled back - that same mechanical, scripted smile that he had given the nurse.

"Other than the headache," Eli raised an eyebrow, "How are you?"

"Um…I have a question," Adam winced, and Clare thought she could hear embarrassment season his voice.

"Shoot, buddy," Eli pulled up a chair and tried to keep the tears brimming in his eyes from falling. _Adam's back! Adam's awake! Everything is fine! Everything is going to be fine! Adam's awake! _

"Um…" he winced again before asking, "Who's Adam?"


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: I am so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've had a lot on my plate right now. I could rant and rave right now, but I won't. You want an update, and that's exactly what I intend to give you all! Love you guys! Hope you're all doing well!**

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Oh," Clare's face paled, and Eli turned and stared at her, his eyes wide and his jaw lax. Neither really knew what to do or what to say. Clare knew Eli was close to Adam. She had been close to Adam too; but Eli…Eli and Adam shared this bond that Clare knew she could never, and would never, come between, "Um…Eli," she pointed towards the door, "I'm going to go wait for Audra. Why don't you uh…yeah."

"Okay," Eli nodded, understanding perfectly. Adam had been a brother to him for years. He would be the one that would explain to Adam. Eli massaged his forehead for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. Once the door clicked shut behind Clare, Eli turned to Adam and said, "You know who I am?"

"Eli."

"Right. Eli. I am your _best friend_. Do you remember that?"

Adam shook his head, "no," and Eli could feel his heart shatter as if it was made of glass. Funny thing about wearing your heart on your sleeve – it's fragile and unprotected out in the open like that. Eli winced, but knew that he had to keep going; he had to keep reminding Adam, "I am your best friend, bud. We…we used to get into a whole hell of a lot of trouble, you and me."

A small smile broke out across Adam's face, and Eli wondered if that was on account of him remembering, or on account of being thankful to have had those memories once, "You came to Degrassi High school when you were a sophomore and I was a junior. You transferred in with your brother, Drew. During your time at Degrassi…you made some amazing friends. Not just me, but Clare too. Clare, found you one afternoon burning yourself. You…you hated yourself so much," Eli could feel the tears swell in his eyes.

"Why?" Adam asked, the look of bewilderment casting a concerning shadow upon his face.

"Do you know who Gracie is?"

"Yes," another small smile, "Me."

"Alright," Eli sighed, trying to compose his thoughts and swallow the feeling of an on-coming episode, "Well, you hated Gracie in high school. Despised her. You felt trapped inside her. She wasn't you, but you were stuck with her and you hated that. That is why you would hurt yourself. You wanted to hurt Gracie."

"I don't understand."

"You…you wanted to be a guy. You felt more comfortable being a guy."

"I always knew there was something wrong with me being a chick," Eli could have hugged him right then and there. That comment, off-hand with a side of snark was Adam to a T.

"Look, I am your best friend, alright? We've been through so much together. We stood up to bullies together and we got into fights together and…and you even were shot at a school dance gone wrong. We pulled through, and we'll pull through all of this."

Adam shook his head, "I-I can't…I don't understand."

"God damn it," Eli hissed and slammed his first down on the wooden arm of the chair he was sitting in, "I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I've never had to introduce anyone to themselves before. I know this is a lot…and that you're scared and probably really fuckin' freaked out right now. But…just know that what I am telling you…you can trust me, okay?"

Adam nodded, "Mmkay."

"Because I'd do anything for you, alright, bud? Anything."

Adam nodded and the crease in his brow pained Eli to see, "Well…so that means I have no reason to lie to you or to hurt you. So if I were to tell you something…something big…would you trust me?"

Adam nodded, biting on his lower lip.

"Adam…Adam is you," the crease in Adam's brow deepened, and Eli could see the confusion etched on his face, "In high school you…you had a FTM transition. You became Adam. And a few years ago…you received a couple of surgeries in order to make your transition complete. I know this is a lot for you to grasp but…"

"No," Adam lifted a hand, "I-I need to hear all of this."

"I don't know if I am the best person to tell you the rest," Eli drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair, "Your mom is on her way…"

"I want to hear from you," Adam's eyes grabbed hold of Eli's and wouldn't let them go. He looked so desperate, and so adamant that Eli couldn't possibly have said no.

"Alright," he sighed, again trying to focus his thoughts, "A few months ago, you were out walking and some guys jumped you. Apparently someone found out about you being transgendered, and they planned to attack you. They jumped you in an ally and…they…they beat you pretty badly."

"Did they…did they uh…"

"Yes," Eli squeezed his eyes shut, begging the tears not to fall, "So badly that you had to…you had to have colon surgery. Um…they…they…uh…"

"Go on," Adam raised an eyebrow, his eyes glossing over with tears and his jaw tight. Eli could see he was trying to fight to keep from crying as well.

"I don't think you want to really hear all of this right now. I've already told you a ton…you must be confused and exhausted and…"

"Eli, what part of go on don't you understand? Are you sure you're not the one with brain damage? Jesus Christ!"

Eli couldn't help it, he started to chuckle and then his chuckle broke out into a laugh. Adam began to laugh too, and pretty soon, both men were caught in limbo of laughing and sobbing.

"You're an ass," Eli pointed a finger at Adam, "You know that?"

Adam shrugged, wiping away a tear, a huge smile on his face, "So I've been told."

"I've missed you so much."

"I'm sorry," Adam's voice was genuine. He wiped away another tear and the room grew suddenly serious again, "Eli…I am sorry that you had to go through all of this."

"Shut up," Eli adjusted in his chair, "You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing at all."

"Can you tell me the rest of what happened now?"

"If that's what you want," Adam nodded, and Eli continued, "They beat you and kicked you so hard. They kicked your head enough times to give you a brain aneurism. They shattered your jaw and your ribs. You had to have so many surgeries…so many medical procedures. We…weren't sure if you would wake up after everything. We thought that we lost you."

"You can't get rid of me that easily," Adam rubbed his temple, "My head really fucking hurts."

"I'm sorry. Can I see if the nurse can get you anything Adam…_shit_. Uh…Gracie?"

Adam made a face, "Eli, I have a bitch of a headache. The last thing I need is nausea on top of that. Call me by my name…call me Adam."

"Adam." Eli smiled, "I think I can do that."

Eli stood from the chair and headed out to the hallway to find the nurse. Outside the door, he ran into Clare and Audra talking with a doctor. The doctor was a neuromuscular specialist, and he wanted to run a few tests to make sure everything was "normal."

"He's really tired," Eli shoved his hands into his pockets, "And his head is killing him. Can this wait?"

"I'm afraid not," the doctor explained, "We have to run these tests ASAP. We've got to run a few CT scans and double check his vitals. We need to make sure that your friend doesn't have any permanent damage."

"When can I see him?" Audra wrung her hands, and Eli placed a firm hand on her shoulder, trying to do everything he could to calm her nerves and his own.

"You can come in with me while I run a few in-room tests. But it'll only be for a minute, then we'll have to take him."

"Al…alright," Audra followed the doctor into Adam's room and Clare was quick to grab Eli into a huge hug. She clung to him, and he to her.

"What did he say?" Clare asked anxiously.

"He wants to be Adam. Everything is a lot for him to process…but he wanted me to tell him everything. Don't you worry," Eli smoothed the back of her curls with his hand, "He's still our Adam."

"Always our Adam."

Bianca was next to arrive at the hospital, followed by Ali and Fiona. With Drew out of town, Bianca was practically glued to her cellphone in order to call him as soon as they heard anything. Everyone waited outside of Adam's room and waited for the doctor and Audra to reappear.

Ali, Fiona, Bianca, and Clare all held hands. Eli had his arm wrapped tightly around Clare's shoulder, and her head was rested on his shoulder. No one really said anything. They were all happy Adam was awake, but the prospect of there being permanent damage still clung like a fog in the air.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the doctor and Audra emerged from the room.

"Well," the doctor sighed and pocketed a pen into his white lab jacket, "We will still have to run a few scans, but overall, he seems perfectly healthy. Some cases are like this, fortunate. Some patients will just wake up when they are ready to do so, and others not so much. Some have no damage, others are not so lucky. I will have a nurse bring him upstairs for some scans. Where will he be staying when he goes home?"

"He can stay with me," Audra suggested, "Until he can be on his own."

"The thing is...Adam might need around the clock care. We're talking home healthcare. Insurance should cover the costs of having a nurse come stay with him in order to help him bathe and use the restroom…but he still needs to be in a place where he won't be alone. And a place that is big enough for a hospital bed. We have to be careful of his circulation. He will need to have a hospital bed set up in whichever home he will be staying in."

"I-I don't have much room," Audra ran a hand through her hair, "After I got divorced…I moved into a much smaller place. I have a twin-sized guest bed, but I do not have the room for a hospital bed."

"We'll figure something out," Bianca promised her.

"Adam should be out of testing in about an hour. I'll come see you after that. Why don't you all run down to the cafeteria and get a bite to eat," the doctor excused himself and headed towards the nurses' station.

"We have room."

"What was that, dear?" Audra turned to Clare.

"Eli…Eli and I have the room."

"Clare," Eli placed a hand on the small of her back, "What are you suggesting?"

"I don't stay in the uh…the guest room. And there is space for a hospital bed in there. Eli and I both work at Degrassi, but that's when we can have home healthcare stay with Adam – during the day…while we're at work. Then when we get home, we can take care of him."

"Clare…that is a lot of responsibility," Audra pointed out, "I can't ask you two to do that…"

"It's Adam," Eli said, "Of course we will do it."


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"How does the place look?" Clare asked nervously, glancing around the apartment and adjusting one of the throw pillows on the couch thoughtfully.

"Stop it," Eli battered her hand away, "It's fine. Clare, do you _honestly_ think that Adam cares if the pillows are perfectly adjusted?"

"Well…"

"_Stop_," Eli said firmly before opening his arms and inviting her into a hug; an invitation she gladl accepted, "It's going to be fine. The apartment looks great! You did a great job at getting everything together. It's going to be perfect – it _is_ perfect," Eli planted a kiss on top of her forehead.

It had been two weeks since Adam had woken up from the coma. The doctors had run several tests, and had determined that he was ready to go home. Clare and Eli had spent the last week preparing everything in the apartment; and Clare, of course, had had a few moments of anxiety towards getting everything in order in time. Eli, as usual, kept her grounded and assured her that everything would be alright.

"I just want it to be absolutely perfect…"

"And it will be," Eli hugged her tighter, "We can do this, right Edwards? I mean, we can handle this…"

"Is Mr. Cool and In Control a little freaked too?" Clare raised an eyebrow and Eli rolled his eyes.

"I just don't know…I've never had to deal with anything like this before. I mean, Adam has no recollection of who he is, and the wheel chair…"

"It's not permanent," Clare reminded him, "Just until he can get his strength back in his legs. The doctors said after some physical therapy, he should be walking with braces in a few months, and then normally by the end of the year."

"I just hate seeing him like this," Eli kissed her forehead again before sinking down onto the couch.

"I know it's hard on you," Clare sat down next to him and placed an empathetic hand on his knee, "But he's going to be okay. He can only go up from here! Audra and Drew should be coming any moment," she glanced at the clock on the cable box, "When is the home healthcare nurse coming?"

"About two," Eli reminded her, "She's going to look over the apartment and teach us what we need to know about taking care of him."

Clare nodded, "I am so glad that she can stay with him while we're at work. Hopefully she's nice."

"She sounded nice on the phone," Eli pulled Clare into him so she was pressed against his chest, "Did I tell you you're beautiful yet today?"

"Yes," Clare blushed.

"What about 'you take my breath away?' Have I said that yet?"

"Not yet," Clare laughed, kissing his cheek, "Have I told you that you're a big sap?"

Eli teasingly winced, "Ooh that hurts, Edwards."

"Oh hush," Clare laughed again, "You know that I love your sappiness."

"You can be pretty sappy yourself," Eli squeezed her, "If I remember correctly, you told me last night at dinner that coming back here and moving with me was one of the best decisions you ever made. And you said that you absolutely love living here with the dashingly handsome Elijah Goldsworthy."

"You're exaggerating just a tad," Clare corrected, "What I said was that I was very glad I made the decision to move here, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. But…that dashingly handsome Elijah Goldsworthy part…I don't think I said that."

"Oh, I think you did."

"Nope," Clare shook her head, "And even if I did say that, I was wrong."

Eli looked hurt for a second, but decided to hear Clare out.

"What I _mean_ is," Clare met Eli's eyes and held his gaze, "It was one of the best decisions I ever made and I absolutely love living here with my dashingly handsome _boyfriend_."

"Boyfriend?" Eli, for a moment, was unsure of if he had heard her correctly.

"Unless of course, you don't want to be called my boyfriend."

Eli touched his forehead to hers, and with a smile said, "Twist my rubber arm, _girlfriend_."

* * *

Luke was nervous. He had flown back as soon as he had heard Adam was awake. When he heard that his brother would be staying with Eli and Clare, another wave of nerves and excitement had flooded over him. He knew that Eli and Clare would be perfect "guardians" for Adam, but at the same time, he felt like he should be the one that was there to care for him.

"It's going to be fine," Audra tried to assure him as they drove to Eli's apartment, "Eli and Clare are great, and I trust them completely. The home healthcare nurse will be there throughout the day."

"I know. I just wish he could stay with Bianca and me."

"I know," Audra patted his knee, "But with your traveling…it would just be rough."

"Hey," Adam called from the backseat of the van, "I am sitting right here."

"Sorry," Audra winced in the rear-view-mirror, "I know you hate it when we talk about you like you aren't here. We need to work on that. How are you, honey?"

"Tired," Adam said honestly, "But alright. And Drew, chill – alright? You have work and traveling and Bianca. I am fine with staying with Clare and Eli. I like them. And I am sure they aren't going to hold me hostage; you're going to be able to come visit whenever you can."

Drew nodded, glad that Adam was behind him and unable to see the tears that clouded his eyes, "You're so strong, buddy."

Adam rolled his eyes, "Yeah right. I just don't see the point in getting worked up about this. You're still going to come visit me whenever you can. Besides, you say I used to drive you crazy when we were kids. You'd go insane having to live with me now. I'd be all _'Drew bring me this_' and _'Drew help me with that._'"

"You know I wouldn't mind."

"You would when I start just doing it to piss you off," Adam grinned, "Which I would. The perks of having a brother, huh?"

Drew rolled his eyes, then said, "But you know I'm glad to have you, right?"

"Oh yeah, but that doesn't mean you'd be glad having to live with me._ Dreeeew, I need water. Dreeeew, I need a soda. Dreeeew…_"

"Alright, alright," Drew chuckled, "I'll let Eli and Clare handle you."

The van pulled into the apartment complex, and Audra and Drew went around back to unload the wheel chair from the back. After getting it all set up, Drew helped lift Adam from the backseat and put him in the wheelchair.

"Is that okay?" Drew asked, "Comfortable?"

"Come to think of it, I could use a down blanket and a scotch," Adam grinned.

Drew smacked him on the arm, "Yeah and I could use a boot to kick your a…"

"Alright," Audra stepped in, "Eli said there was a ramp around back. Let's get going."

She pushed Adam towards the ramp, and pretended to not see the middle finger Adam flashed not so discretely in Drew's direction.

Once they reached Eli's apartment, Drew rang the doorbell. Adam nervously stared down at the pavement. He was still getting used to everything; and the world seemed so new to him. He knew that Eli and Clare had been his best friends, but honestly, he couldn't remember. That scared him more than anything. He saw the hurt in Eli's eyes when he would tell him a story about some whacky time they had had together that Adam couldn't remember. He wanted so desperately to remember. Maybe staying with Eli and Clare would help jog those memories a bit.

The door swung open, revealing Clare with a huge smile plastered on her face.

"Adam! Hi!" She said enthusiastically, "Come on in, everyone!"

"Clare, calm down," Eli chuckled, "Hey, Adam. Audra, Drew."

"Eli," Audra hugged Eli and Clare, "Clare, thank you _so_ much for agreeing to do this. I can't thank you enough. This is more than I could ever imagine…"

"It's fine," Eli assured her, "It's Adam; we'd do anything for him. Come on, let me show you your room," Eli nodded towards the hallway.

He led the group towards the guest bedroom. He and Clare had spent days cleaning it up so that the movers could install the hospital bed. Clare had originally planned to put her boxes into storage, but Eli had stopped her. He told her he wouldn't have her living out of boxes any longer, and helped her unpack and put her things around the apartment. Sure, there wasn't room for everything and the things that there simply wasn't space for went into storage; but she was grateful Eli had allowed her to unpack and move in.

Now that the boxes were moved out, there was room for the hospital bed. Clare had printed off some old pictures from high school to frame and have hung upon the walls, in hopes they would draw out some memories for Adam. She had also decorated the guest bedroom in his favorite colors – grey, black, blue, and red. Surprisingly, the colors meshed well. She also bought a lamp that shown a soft light that resembled moonlight in the room. It was peaceful, and right now, Adam needed some peace.

"What do you think?" She asked nervously.

"I like it a lot, thank you," Adam said, glancing around the room, "This is really great, guys."

"It's the least we could do," Clare explained, "Monday we have to go back to school, but the home healthcare nurse will be staying here with you. You'll meet her this afternoon about two. She seems really nice."

Audra had abandoned the wheel chair and was looking at the pictures on the walls, "These are lovely."

"Clare put them together," Eli put his arm around Clare, "She was hoping Adam wouldn't mind."

Adam craned his neck and looked at some of the pictures, "They're really thoughtful," he said, wishing he could remember; and becoming frustrated with himself for not.

"Isn't it, Drew?" Audra turned to her other son who was standing awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, "_Drew_?"

"It's nice," Drew shrugged.

"Drew, come get a Coke with me," Eli suggested. He could tell Drew wasn't exactly happy with Adam's new living arrangement, and he wanted to calm his nerves.

"Sure," Drew followed Eli out to the kitchen, "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Eli grabbed two Cokes from the fridge and slid one over to Drew, "I just wanted to say hey. Adam is doing a lot better, huh? He's looking good."

"Yeah," Drew nodded, cracking back the tab of the Coke can, "He's getting some color back, and he has his same old sense of humor. It's tough…he can't remember a lot, and I know that frustrates him. Also, he hates not being able to walk."

"I bet," Eli took a sip of the soda, "But he'll get his strength back. I don't doubt that for a second."

"Yeah, I just wish things could be easier for him. He's already gone through so much. But he's tough, isn't he? He'll be fine?" Drew's brow creased with concern, and Eli's heart went out to him.

"Of course," Eli nodded, "He's Adam. Look, Drew…I know this is tough on you."

"How so?" Drew asked casually.

"I know you hate this – not being able to care for him yourself. He's your brother; you want to be the one to take care of him and look out for him. But I will do my best, man."

"Eli," Drew turned to face him, "I know you will. You and Adam always had this unbelievable friendship. And to be honest, I was a bit jealous of it. You just seemed to get him so well. It's like you two shared a brain or something. I couldn't connect with him like you could. I wanted to, but I just couldn't."

"You were always a great brother to him. You are his brother. I am his friend. We have different relationships with him, but that doesn't mean one relationship is better than the other. I'm going to the best I can for Adam, but I am in no way trying to take your place."

"Thanks, Eli," Drew nodded, "You're not half bad."

"Ha," Eli chuckled, "Same to you. And you know you and Bianca and your mother are welcome to come over here anytime you want."

"What are you two plotting?" Audra asked, wheeling Adam into the living room and locking his wheel chair in place next to the couch.

"Oh you know, taking over the world – typical guy stuff," Drew laughed.

"Oh you two," Audra shook her head, "Well Drew, I guess we should head out. You're okay, baby?" she turned to Adam and ran her hand through his tufts of hair.

"Mother!" Adam smacked her hand away, "You've _got_ to be kidding me!"

"Sorry!" Audra laughed, "Clare, Eli, take good care of my baby, alright?"

"Of course," Clare promised, "You two can come to visit tomorrow and bring Bianca with you. We'd love to have you for dinner or something."

"Sounds fun. I'll call you tomorrow," Audra said, thankful for Clare and Eli.

"You're always welcome," Eli reminded them one more time.

"Well Adam," Drew waved to his brother, "See you tomorrow."

Adam waved and Eli and Clare walked Audra and Drew to the door. Adam glanced around the living room. It was comfortable, and he could definitely tell which were Clare's touches, and which were Eli's. He was thankful that he could stay with them, but at the same time, he was nervous. He wished he could just remember. All he wanted was to be able to remember.

"_Why can't I remember_," he hissed, frustrated with himself. It wasn't fair. As if being in a coma for months, having the living crap beaten out of him, and being raped with a lead pipe wasn't enough, he couldn't remember his two best friends. Heck, he couldn't even really remember himself. It was infuriating. Adam hated self-pitying himself, but he couldn't help it. He had woken up to discover his life was upside down. It was like he had slipped through a rabbit hole or looking glass.

"Hey bud," Eli said, shutting the door behind him, "So what do you think of the place? You can be totally honest."

"Well…" Adam glanced around, "That little cat figurine on the bookshelf kind of gives me the creeps."

Eli laughed, "That would be Clare's. And yeah, it creeps me out too. I think it's possessed."

"_Hey_!" Clare looked at the kitten figurine she had picked up at the Hallmark store a few years ago on a whim, "I like my kitty! He does _not_ look possessed!"

"At two in the morning when I come out to get water or something," Eli glared at the figurine, "He's freaking terrifying."

"Stop picking on Mr. Mittens," Clare snatched up the porcelain cat, "He's cute."

"Cute meaning demented," Adam chuckled, and he and Eli shared a fist-bump.

"Fine," Clare held the cat to her chest, "He can just come live in the bedroom then."

"Oh _hell_ no!" Eli protested, "It's bad enough I didn't make you put that thing in storage, and now I have to see it staring at me whenever I'm in the living room, but it is _not_ coming in the bedroom."

"Oh fine," Clare sighed, "I guess I'll just put him in one of the drawers for now."

"Good. I gotta go to the bathroom, but I'll be back in a second. You two behave while I'm gone."

After Eli had disappeared in the hallway, Adam waved Clare over, "_Psst_…you know what you should do?" Adam asked as Clare leaned down to Adam's level.

"What?" She whispered back.

"You should keep Mr. Mitten's in the drawer for now. After Eli falls asleep, take it and put it in one of the drawers in the bathroom he uses. When he wakes up in the morning and uses the bathroom, he'll find it."

"Oh my gosh," Clare laughed, "Adam, that's great!"

"Hey, just because I was in a coma and can't remember anything doesn't mean I'm not the brilliant evil genius I once was."

They laughed together, but Adam still couldn't shake the feeling of completely frustration and anger from within him. _Why can't I remember anything? _


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: My apologies for typos and continuity mistakes. I write late at night most of the time, and I get tired and sometimes (I'll admit) lazy. I do proof read, but sometimes I do not always read as carefully as I should so I apologize for that. **

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Adam couldn't sleep. Clare and Eli had gotten him arranged in the guest bedroom, but he couldn't fall asleep. Everything was so new, and so different. To wake up and find that your whole world was turned upside down, was just more than he could bear. He was thankful though, that Eli and Clare were so kind and so helpful; but he wished he could remember.

He leaned over and turned the on the lamp on the nightstand. With the room illuminated, he could see the photographs on the walls. As he looked over them, Adam couldn't help but smile. There were pictures from when they were in high school, laughing with their arms around each other. They seemed so genuinely happy. He just wished he could remember the memories that went along with those pictures. What had made them laugh at the time? Why was Eli rolling his eyes with a huge grin on his face? Adam's head hurt, and he felt dizzy.

As if on cue, the bedroom door creaked open and Eli padded inside, "Hey, bud. I saw that your light was on when I went to grab some water. Are you okay? You need anything?"

"I'm fine," Adam lied, "Thanks though."

"I know this is tough," Eli pulled up one of the chairs from across the room and sat next to the bed, "I can't even imagine what you're going through, bud. You're so tough though…I can't even imagine what all you went through. But you lived, Adam. You lived and came out on top."

"I just don't feel like I came out on top," Adam sighed and rolled his head back on the pillow, "I just feel kind of at a loss. I want to remember, Eli. I want to remember you and Clare and my transition. I want to remember everything."

"Alright," Eli nodded, and ran a hand through his hair, "How awake are you?"

"What do you mean?" Adam's brow furrowed, "Eli, you're not going to…"

"We are. We're going to sit up tonight, and I am going to tell you everything. Are you up for that?"

"I don't know," Adam admitted.

Eli nodded again, understandingly, "We were like brothers, bud. We stood up for each other in high school. You went after a bully, and even though you had been sort of a dick, I joined up with you so you wouldn't have to face him alone. He was a crazy guy, though. He got kicked out for trying to stab me with a knife."

"The fuck?" Adam's eyes widened, "Wow. What kind of school did we go to?"

"A pretty messed up one," Eli chuckled, "But it was well-worth it. Your transition wasn't easy for you, but you did it. After that original bully, no one really messed with you again. There was one girl, Becky. She was really against, what she referred to as 'alternative lifestyles.' You fell under that group. She really couldn't stand you, or me, for a while. But you were you, and you were kind to when everyone else was fed up with her hateful behavior. You kind of had a crush on her, and she had started to fall for you as well. Eventually, you two started to date and Becky started to see your soul and not your biology. Unfortunately, her parents didn't quite see the same way, and forced Becky to transfer schools and not contact you again."

"Wow," Adam's eyes were stinging with tears, "Did I have anyone else after her?"

"No," Eli admitted honestly, "You wanted to wait until you were absolutely sure of the girl before dating her. Not that I didn't try to hook you up whenever I got the chance," Eli chuckled.

"What about you?" Adam asked, "Are you and Clare a thing now?"

"I guess we are," Eli smiled a faraway smile, "We lost contact until your attack. When we all came together in the hospital, was the first time I had seen her in about ten years. It wasn't like in the movies where we just clicked. We fought and I even shoved her pretty hard," Eli winced at the memory, "I just couldn't face the feelings I was having for her. It scared me, to be honest."

"You two seem good for each other," Adam glanced up at one of the pictures on the wall, "I am glad you're together again."

"Me too," Eli nodded, "I'm glad you're okay bud. You scared us there for a bit."

"I'm sorry," Adam's face fell, "I really didn't mean to cause so much trouble."

"Are you serious?" Something undistinguishable crossed Eli's face, "Bud, we'd do anything for you, alright? And you weren't trouble at all. We want to help you because, well, we love you. You would do the same for us."

"Would I?" Adam winced painfully, "I don't even remember who you are."

"You would," Eli nodded assuredly, "That's just what we'd do for one another. When I was a senior in high school, we got busy and didn't really hang out as much; but when I needed a stage manager for the school play I had written and was directing, you stepped in. You helped sell tickets and helped build the set...you were always there for me when I needed you."

"What was the play?"

"And adaption of Romeo and Juliet - but with Romeo and Jules: a play about two gay men."

"Wow," Adam's eyes widened, "That's really...something."

"It was," Eli beamed with pride, "But back to the memories...when Clare and I first broke up when I was a junior in high school, you were friends with both of us. You never played favorites, or took sides. You just remained friends with both of us. You'd alternate eating lunch with us, and hanging out with us. It was like a custody battle, as Clare once described it, but you never complained. You also refused to get in the middle of things. If I wanted to know anything about Clare, you told me to ask her myself. You weren't going to gossip about us."

Adam nodded, "That was good of me."

"Yeah," Eli chuckled, "It was. Very good of you. That's just who you were."

"What else did we do?" Adam asked, "Did I go to college? Have a job?"

"You went to college to major in communications. You were a radio DJ for the alternative station. You were really good at your job."

"Wow. What school did I go to?"

"The local community college. You didn't want to go very far from home. You loved your job though."

"I bet. That sounds really awesome. Wow. A radio DJ? No shit?"

"No shit," Eli smirked, "And you were damn good. Maybe you can get back to that one day. Or who knows, maybe this whole event will allow you the opportunity to discover another passion of yours."

"Maybe," Adam shrugged, "Do you ever think I'll be back to normal after all of this?"

"Honestly?" Eli winced, knowing how painful the truth could be, and not wanting to cause Adam any more hurt, "Probably not. You'll carry these scars for the rest of your life, bud. But sometimes scars can be beautiful. Scars can change you - sometimes for the worst, and sometimes for the better. I think, with these scars, you'll become a stronger person than ever before."

"You think?"

"Yeah," Eli nodded, "I mean, you can never erase what happened to you; but you can grow from it."

"I just wish I could remember. I feel like I have fallen asleep and have woken up in the middle of a nightmare. I just want to wake up from the nightmare."

"It could be worse," Eli reminded him, "I know it's frustrating to hear that, but it's true. You lived, Adam. You were given a second chance."

"Are you a religious man, Eli?"

"I wasn't," Eli twisted his infamous ring around on his knuckle, "And I still think religion is a bunch of shit. But if you're asking if I believe in God? The answer is yes."

"Why do you think he makes us go through stuff like this?"

Eli sighed, wondering how to even begin to respond to that; up until a few months ago, he didn't believe in God at all, "Well...I think...we have to have the bad times, to appreciate the good. It sucks, but how would we ever know what good is if we don't have bad to compare it to?"

The door creaked open again, and Clare peered around the doorway, "I heard you two. Is everything alright?"

"Sorry to wake you, love," Eli called Clare over, and she sat down on the edge of the bed, "Adam and I were just having a talk. He couldn't really sleep."

"I'm sorry," Clare's face paled, "Is it the pillows? I _knew_ I should have bought some memory foam…"

"Clare," Adam chuckled before turning to Eli, "Is she always so on edge about everything?"

"Yup," Eli laughed, "Pretty much."

Clare's face fell, "I just want everything to be perfect for him, alright? Is that such a crime?"

Adam sighed and reached out to squeeze her hand, "Everything is perfect, Clare," he said, and for a moment, Clare felt as though they had been transformed back ten years prior. She remembered after Romeo and Jules (the opening night) how they had shared one of their rare embraces. She had been the one to help Gracie when Gracie was burning herself. They had shared a silent, secret bond, and for that moment, Clare felt like they had gotten that back.

"This can't be easy on you guys."

"Do you hear us complaining?" Eli raised an eyebrow, "We've gotten through a lot together, and we will get through this. Alright? It's just one of those things that we're going to face together."

Adam could feel tears stinging his eyes again, "Thank you guys. I really appreciate that. I really do."

"We've always been here for you, Adam. And we always will be."

**Author's Note: Not the best chapter, but I owed you guys an update! Sorry it's not the best quality. I'll try to update sooner, and better, next time!**


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Dinner with Drew and Audra was that evening. Clare, with the hampering help of Eli, put together chicken masala, spinach and parmesan salad, and red velvet cupcakes for dessert. Clare had gotten Adam set up by the bar, so he could watch and talk with them as they cooked. He was even able to help frost the cupcakes.

"Let's get more of the icing on the cupcakes, and less of it your mouth," Clare scolded gently.

"But it's cream cheese icing," Adam protested, "Which means it's extra delicious."

"You hated cream cheese icing," Eli rinsed out the mixing bowl in the sink, "You thought it tasted like feet."

"Well, I like it now," Adam shrugged.

Eli eyed Clare, and worried what else had changed about Adam. At least Adam still intrinsically seemed like good ol' Adam, just with a few changes here and there. Eli hoped Adam hadn't changed much other than liking the color green suddenly, and finding cream cheese icing to be high up on his list. He didn't want to have to lose him for a second time.

"Alright," Clare pulled the bowl and spatula away from Adam once all the cupcakes had been frosted, "Your mom and Drew should be over in about an hour. Do you want to change into something different? We have some sweat pants and t-shirts that Drew brought over before you moved in. You know, comfy, easy stuff."

"Uh…sure," Adam glanced over at Eli, "The nurse had to help me change at the hospital. My legs…I just wish I could get my strength back and be able to do things on my own."

"You will get your strength back," Eli wiped his hands off on a dish towel before tossing it on the counter, "But for now, are you fine with me helping you out?"

"I'd rather it be you than Clare," He smirked towards her and said, "I don't want her to see what a good thing I am, and leave you or anything. I wouldn't want to be responsible for…"

"Ass," Eli smacked Adam with the towel before wheeling him towards the guest bedroom, "Come on, let's get you dressed."

Adam chuckled, "Thanks for this."

"Ah, don't mention it," Eli shrugged, "What are buds for?"

After wheeling Adam into the guest bedroom, Eli grabbed a pair of sweats from the dresser, as well as a wadded up grey t-shirt. Adam took off his black t-shirt, and put on the gray one. When it was time to do the pants, he stopped Eli and said:

"You shouldn't be doing this for me."

"It's fine," Eli said adamantly, "Don't even stress about it; I'm not. Sometimes friends have to help each other out. I don't mind doing this, Adam. I really don't."

Adam nodded, and let Eli stand him up partially with the help of the physical therapy belt. Once Adam was on his feet, Eli pulled off his sweats, and pulled on the clean pair. Adam's legs wobbled weakly, and Eli eased him back into the wheelchair.

"You're okay," he patted his shoulder, "Alright?"

"Thank you, Eli."

"Don't mention it," Eli wheeled Adam back towards the living room. Clare was putting the chicken into the oven to reheat while they waited for Audra and Drew.

"Hey handsomes," she smiled when they appeared in the kitchen, "Chicken is in the oven, and now I am off to get ready. You two stay out of trouble, and answer the door when it rings, because that'll be Drew and Audra."

Eli nodded, and pushed Adam towards the TV. He flipped something on, and together they watched whatever it was that was playing. Adam wasn't really paying too much attention. All he could think about was how Eli had to help him dress. He knew he would have to have home healthcare help him with certain things, but having him help him dress was one of the most embarrassing things that he had ever had to undergo. Well, that and the fact that Eli had helped him use the restroom that morning. Eli had helped lift Adam onto the toilet, then waited outside the door.

It killed him to know that his friends, friends he had just met, had to do so much for him. Adam knew they had volunteered, but still, he hated having to make them do everything for him. At least tomorrow the nurse would come; and she was getting paid for the tasks of getting him dressed, showered, and aiding him in using the restroom. Adam bit at his thumbnail, and tried to remind himself how Eli and Clare had made the suggestion he stay with them; and he hoped they wouldn't regret it when things got to be too difficult.

Audra and Drew came over about thirty minutes later. Dinner was wonderful, and the talk was mostly restricted to small. It was a nice evening, but Adam could feel the awkwardness. It was his fault things would never be the same again. It was because of him, his mother kept fussing over his food and if he was comfortable. It was because of him Eli had to dress him, and take him to the restroom. It was because of him all of this was happening. He couldn't remember the past, but he had an inkling that what had happened in the past was far different than how things were in the present.

After eating, Drew and Audra hugged everyone and left to head home. Adam said he was tired, and asked if someone could help him get to bed. He wasn't really tired, he just wanted to have some time to think – and give Clare and Eli some time without him. Eli nodded, wheeled him back to the bedroom, and lifted him into the bed.

Once he had shut the door behind him, Adam shoved his blanket into his mouth to muffle his cries. He hated this. It was completely and totally fucked up that he had woken up after months in coma, to find out that he had been beaten, and raped; to find out that he couldn't walk again until his legs became stronger; to find out that he had to be dependent on friends he had just met a few days ago. He felt sick to his stomach.

_Why did this have to happen to me? Why can't I remember these people in my life? Why did everything have to be turned upside down? Why can't I just go on living my life? I want to remember, and I want everything to go back to normal. According to Eli, lift before had seemed almost perfect. Sure, there had been a lot of issues and drama, but we had stood together. We had had fun, and laughed, and I can't remember a damn thing about it._

_ Now my best friend has to help me with every little task. Why did this have to happen to them? Why couldn't I have just died in that damn alley? I would have rather died in that alley than have Clare and Eli and my mother and Drew fuss and worry over me. I would rather have died…_

Eli hopped into bed, and rubbed his feet against Clare's soft, freshly-shaven legs.

"Hey!" She yelped, and scooted away, "What is the matter with you!"

"I'm cold," Eli raised an eyebrow, innocently, "So dinner was interesting."

"It'll get easier," Clare leaned her forehead on his chest, listening to his heartbeat, "It's just difficult right now, because all of this is so new to everyone. But it will get better. Adam will get stronger, and things will slowly get back to normal."

"No they won't," Eli shied away, and Clare's head fell to the mattress, "Stuff never goes back to being normal after shit like this. This sort of thing, it changes people Clare. It changes people, and things might get easier with time, but the scars are always going to be there."

"Eli, I didn't mean…"

"Clare, you've never had a tragedy happen to you until now. You've lived in this little bubble…"

"Eli, I went through my parents' divorce…"

"_Divorce_?" Eli scoffed, "Are you seriously comparing divorce to _this_?"

"Eli…"

"No, Clare. You don't get it, do you? Things will _never_ be the same again. Adam is going to have to work his ass off every day to just gain a little bit more strength. Who knows if he will ever be able to do everything he once did? Adam is going to have to rely on us, and on nurses, for basic things for who knows how long. That is so tough, Clare. He has had to give up his independence. And don't even get me started on the psychological stuff…"

"But he doesn't remember anything…"

"That doesn't mean he won't," Eli explained, "Not to mention the fact that everything is buried in his brain. All the memories are there, they just haven't come to the surface yet. Do you know how mentally messed up that must be? Clare, after something like this happens…you never truly heal from it."

"I am so sorry," Clare's voice was barely a whisper, "I really didn't mean to imply…"

"Clare," Eli brushed a curl from her forehead, "I am not angry with you, but right now I just need some time alone. I am going to sleep on the couch to night. Now, don't think I am angry with you or anything…that's not it. I just need some time alone."

Clare felt a lump form in her throat, and she couldn't help but feel like he was lying as he said she had done nothing wrong, "Oh…okay."

"Clare, don't worry. We're fine. I just need to…I need to think."

Clare nodded, and Eli scooted off the bed. He snatched up his pillow, and headed towards the door. When Clare heard the door latch behind him, her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid to say something so careless. She hadn't been thinking when she had said that, and she knew that was a mistake. She had really hurt Eli with that comment. It was ignorant, and she wished she could take it back.

She longed to make her way out towards the living room and apologize, but she knew Eli enough to know that when he said he wanted to be alone (and when he looked her in the eye like that as he had said it), it meant he needed to be left alone. So she would be alone tonight too.

Eli tossed and turned on the couch. He stared at the clock on the cable box by the TV. It was three in the morning, and he hadn't gotten so much as five minutes of sleep at a time the whole night. He knew he shouldn't have walked out on Clare like that, but he did need to be alone. Clare had no idea what it was like to lose someone up until Adam's attack. She had no idea of the damage that death and violence and destruction has upon a person. She had no idea.

As Eli was finally about to drift off to sleep, he heard noises coming from Adam's room. Eli instantly jumped up from the couch, and made his way towards the guest bedroom. As he got closer, he could clearly make out what Adam was saying.

"Please no…please. Don't do this. I didn't do anything to you. Please…please let me go. I'll…I'll give you money. You want money? Just please don't kill me…please don't hurt me. Please…just leave me alone. Please…what are you doing? Why are you…what is that? Please…_please_ don't…_please_…_please_! Please…you can't do this to me! _Please_…I…I'll do anything! Please, please, _please_!"

Eli couldn't stand it anymore, and he swung the bedroom door open and hurried to Adam's side.

"Adam…Adam bud…wake up – please, wake up."

He shook Adam's shoulders, but Adam kept dreaming.

"Oh God…please don't…_please_! Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! Someone…help me…_please_ stop! Oh my God. Ahhhh!"

Eli didn't know what else to do. He climbed into the bed next to Adam, and pulled the man into his arms. He held him to his chest, and rocked him gently back and forth.

"It's alright, bud. Hey, hey, hey. It's alright. I'm right here. I got you. No one is going to hurt you, alright? No one is going to hurt you. I got you. As long as I got you, nothing is going to hurt you again."

Adam stirred in his arms, and his eyes blinked awake, "Eli?"

"You were having a nightmare," Eli explained.

"I know," Adam nodded, his breathing slowly starting to get back to normal; but Eli could feel the damp tears seep through his t-shirt, "They…they ganged up on me, Eli."

"I know, bud."

"They…they started hitting me…and then they held me down…they called me a…a…"

"You don't have to say it," Eli wiped some of the sweat off of Adam's brow.

"They…they grabbed a pipe from the…from the alley. And they pulled down my…my jeans…and they shoved…they shoved…"

"Shhh…" Eli continued to rock Adam in his arms, "…you don't have to say it, Adam."

"I need to. I need to face this. They…they shoved it inside of me…and the pain…Eli I had never felt so much pain. It felt like…like my insides were ripping…I felt like that damn pipe was shoved all the way through my stomach…I felt…I felt so sick. I vomited…and they laughed. Their laughter…was the last sound I heard…before I passed out."

"Oh my God," Eli sucked in a deep breath, "I am _so_, _so_ sorry you had to go through that. And I am _so_ sorry you have to remember…"

"No," Adam corrected him, sniffling, "I need to remember. I have to remember. Not knowing…what exactly happened that night…was worse. Not knowing what they did to me…was worse. Knowing what happened to me…makes me…start to…heal."

"Oh solider," Eli squeezed Adam tighter in his arms, calling him Bullfrog's nickname for him.

"Eli…I am so sorry I put you through so much."

"You're apologizing to _me_? For _me_ having to go through…Adam, you are the one that has gone through so much. I want to help you, bud. It's what brothers do, alright? You have nothing – and I mean _nothing_ – to apologize for."

"I just feel like I should have…I wish I had died in that alley rather than cause everyone all this…"

"_Never_ say that again," Eli gruffly shook Adam, "_Ever_! Or else, I swear to God Adam, I _will_ make that wish happen."

Adam sniffled again, and Eli continued, "Adam, you and I are best friends. I know you can't remember our friendship, but we were always there for each other; this is no different. You…you and Clare truly changed my life, bud. We love you. Don't ever say you wished you had died. Trust me on that. You never, ever want to think that. Life, despite its struggles, is so worth living. Trust me on that."

Adam nodded, and sniffled again, "I am scared to go back to sleep," Adam admitted, "What if I…what if I have another nightmare?"

"How 'bout I sit up with you then?" Eli suggested, "Would you mind?"

"Would _you_ mind?" Adam asked.

"Not at all," Eli adjusted Adam in his arms, "I am just going to hold you until you fall asleep, alright?" Eli held Adam just as his father had held him in his arms the night Julia had died, "And know that as long as you are in my arms," he quoted what Bullfrog had said to him that night, "Nothing, and I mean _nothing_, is going to hurt you. I won't fucking let it."

Adam nodded, and relaxed in Eli's arms. As Eli was holding him, he couldn't help but feel like he needed to call his father again soon. It had been awhile since they had talked. After a few minutes, Adam started to snore, and Eli gently laid him back against the pillow.

"You're a solider, bud," Eli said, softly pressing his lips to the other man's forehead, "And you're going to fight through this."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Clare could hear their voices through the wall of the bedroom. She winced, and couldn't help but let the tears spill forth like rivers. She bit down on her knuckle so they wouldn't hear her tears. She didn't want to interrupt. Adam was going through so much. It broke her heart to imagine how he must be feeling…and Eli…she knew she shouldn't have said what she did. It was careless. She just wanted everything to be okay. She had, for some reason, thought that when Adam woke up that everything would go back to being normal. She never expected all of this. She thought it was hard with him in a coma, but now watching him have to face all of this…it killed her.

She thought back to when they were teenagers. She remembered prying the hairclip out of his hand and throwing it down on the picnic table. It was so simple – a few kind words, a smile, take away the weapon, and walk him home. It seemed too simple in comparison to this. Clare didn't know how to fix this. All she knew was that she wanted Adam to be okay. She wanted him to remember and she wanted life to go back to normal.

As she adjusted herself on the pillow, Clare closed her eyes and tried to fall back asleep. She couldn't though. She couldn't bring herself to sleep when Adam had slept for months and woken up to find that his life had been turned into a nightmare.

Just as she was about to fall asleep she could hear a muffled voice through the wall. She craned her ears to listen, and what she heard yanked at her heartstrings.

"God…please. I haven't asked for anything since he was first in the hospital. Please…if you're there…help me this one last time. It's not really me I am asking for but…Adam. _Please_. I…I don't know what to do. You helped bring him back to us, now I am asking you to do this one more thing. I know you can't erase the pain he went through, but if you could help him…if you could help him overcome it, God. Please?"

Clare heard his voice crack and break, and she had to fight back more tears as the prayer continued.

"You know me. I am no good at this sort of thing. But Adam…for years I looked out for him. He's my bud, God. I just…I used to be able to have his back and help him out, but now…I don't know how to help him. I don't know how to help my best friend, and that…that_ kills me_. And now I'm snapping at Clare…and I know she didn't mean to…I don't even know what she did exactly. I just…I lost it. I am losing it, God. Please…just this one last thing. Just help Adam. Help him…help him overcome this pain. _Please, God_."

Clare could hear him crying now, one of the worst sounds in the whole world, in her opinion. Eli was always so hard, so gruff around the edges. But when he cried…it was one of the saddest, most broken sounds she had ever heard. She couldn't take it. She put the pillow over her head, and fell asleep.

The next morning, she awoke to Adam sitting up at the table and Eli fixing eggs and bacon. She wiped the sleep from her eyes and padded out to the kitchen.

"Good morning," she said sleepily, "How are you guys this morning?"

"It was a late night," Eli yawned, spooning some eggs out on to a plate, "Do you want some? I figured we could do breakfast."

"But…school…"

"I called Simpson. He was sympathetic and told us to take this next week to get Adam adjusted to living here. He said he understood. I made us breakfast. I still can't believe he's teaching there...anyways, he said it'll be fine. They have subs for us."

Clare sighed and nodded, agreeing to the plate he was offering her. She knew they needed to get back to work, but helping Adam was more vital. She knew none of this was going to get any easier anytime soon. She also accepted a cup of coffee from Eli, wondering how he could possibly be so awake and so…functional after everything that happened last night.

She took a seat across from Adam at the table and smiled a tight smile at him, trying to force herself to be as chipper as Eli seemed. She didn't get it. He was so broken last night. Why was he suddenly so strong again? She didn't understand.

"How'd you sleep?" Adam asked, picking at a piece of bacon.

"Alright," Clare lied, "What about you?"

"Alright," Adam nodded, nibbling the bacon he was playing with, "Eli thought maybe we could go for an outing today, if you're up for it. I feel up for it. He said he wanted to take us somewhere special."

"Okay," Clare nodded, taking a sip of the coffee, savoring the caffeine, "Yeah, that sounds good. What did you have in mind, Eli?"

"It's a surprise," Eli brought his plate over to the table and sat down next to Adam, "Do you need anything, bud?" He asked, "More eggs?"

"I'm good," Adam nodded, "Thanks though."

Clare continued to sip her coffee and eat her eggs and bacon in silence. She was exhausted, and honestly, she couldn't understand how Adam and Eli weren't as well. She didn't want to be exhausted. She didn't want it to seem like Adam was the reason she was so exhausted, but he was. She just couldn't do these late nights and missing works like this. She wished once again that things could go back to being normal. It wasn't fair.

She mentally slapped herself for thinking that. Where had that come from anyways? What did she mean it wasn't fair? It wasn't fair to her? Clare hated herself for thinking that. It was Adam who none of this was fair to. He had been beaten and raped and in a coma. He had had practically every bone broken. He had suffered through so much, and the battle was still going. It wasn't fair on him. How dare she think about herself. Suddenly she felt so incredibly selfish. Clare pushed her plate away, unable to even take another bite. She just couldn't bring herself to.

"You aren't hungry?" Adam's brow furrowed, "You should eat."

"Listen to you," a small, sad smile crossed her face, "_You're_ worried about _me_?"

"Of course I am worried about you," Adam shoved the plate back towards her, "Eat."

Clare rolled her eyes and gave in. It was amazing. After everything he had been put through here he was concerned about her not eating. She didn't want to eat, she was sick at herself, but because of him, she took another bite.

After eating, Eli took the dishes, plopped them in a sink full of soapy water, and wheeled Adam back to his bedroom in order to get him changed into something else to go on their outing. Clare snuck off to the bedroom and got dressed herself. She felt overwhelmed and was embarrassed at herself for feeling that way. Eli wasn't overwhelmed and he was up all night crying and praying. What excuse did she have?

They loaded Adam up into the car and put the wheelchair in the trunk before heading off down the highway. Eli turned popped a CD into the radio and Alexisonfire filled the car. He glanced at Adam in the rearview mirror and smiled as he saw a small smile cross his face.

"_I see your item_," he began to sing, "_And I can match it. Just trace the lines on your paisley jacket_."

"Whoa," Eli turned down the volume and turned and stared at Adam as he pulled to the red light, "You remember this song?"

"I know the words," Adam's brow furrowed, "I don't know how, but I know the words. _A ticking time bomb out of touch with reality_…"

Eli shot Clare a look and smiled, "It's a start," he mouthed to her.

Together they drove further, singing the lyrics to the song they all knew. Suddenly the car stopped somewhere familiar, and Clare's eyes widened when she recognized where they were.

"Eli…"

"It's good for him to be here," Eli turned off the car, "Adam, does any of this look familiar?"

Adam bothered his lower lip between his teeth and shook his head, "It looks like something from a dream…but I can't place it exactly."

"Come on," Eli hopped out of the car, went around to the trunk, set up the wheelchair, and helped Adam into it, "This is some place special."

He wheeled the wheelchair over to the grown-over dirt path, "This used to be a church, once upon a time," he smiled a sad smile, "Now it's just a pile of ruins. We used to come here to hang out sometimes. When you were struggling with your transition, we all came out here and helped you burn some of Gracie's things. When you had your first real crush, you planned a whole party to be hosted here to impress her. When I had a meltdown…I had it here. This was our place – the three of us."

Clare felt the tears stinging her eyes as she remembered shyly following Adam and Eli through these woods in order to film Romeo and Juliet. She remembered the butterflies in her stomach and how she desperately wanted to tell Eli how she felt about him, but was just waiting for the right moment. She remembered how giddy she had felt, and how Eli's eyes lit up as he volunteered to be her Romeo, "_I will_!"

She remembered how Adam had teased them, knowing full-well of her crush on him. Did he know Eli liked her at the time? Adam always was pretty neutral in when it came to them. He would be there for Eli, and he would be there for Clare, but he was good about not telling each other the other's business. He was good like that. A sad smile crossed her face and she leaned over and wrapped her arms around Adam's neck in a backwards hug.

"What's this for?" Adam asked, twisting his head around to see her.

"The memories. Thanks for the memories."

"_Even if they weren't so sweet,_" Adam smiled a faraway smile, "What band is that, Eli?"

"Fall Out Boy," Eli said with a head nod, "Good job. So you remember lyrics. That's something."

"If I could just remember the memories," Adam sighed, patting Clare's arm before she released him, "Thanks for bringing me here. I like this place. It's peaceful."

"Mmhmm," Eli nodded, sitting down on some of the church ruins, "We all had good times here, and not so good times. But this was our place regardless."

"I like having a place."

"Me too," Clare sat down next to the wheelchair and tucked her feet up underneath her, "It's quiet here. But…if you listen…the wind whistling through the trees almost sounds like…"

"…Laughter," Eli finished for her, and they shared a smile.

"It does, doesn't it," Adam nodded, listening, "Thank you for bringing me here. I like this place."

They sat in silence, listening to the wind blowing through the trees. Eli closed his eyes, titled his head back, and imagined that it was the laughter of three high school kids without a clue, just trying to survive life. They had survived. That was a blessing in and of itself. Adam had survived being bullied. Eli had survived Julia's death and the effect it had on his feelings for Clare. Clare had survived her parents' divorce. Eli had survived Fitz and a total mental break. Adam had survived the vicious crime…now he would survive getting through this hard time as well.

They all would.


End file.
